I keep telling him to get out of my life, but, I always end up taking him back. I know that he is a good person but he just try's my patience. I love him but it seems like I'm the one who puts out the effort to keep our realtionship-?- Does this mean he doesn't care as much as I do or are all men just clueless?
2006-08-13 12:14:46 · 7 answers · asked by bethy_fulips 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As far as what to do, I think it matters a lot why specifically he is trying your patience and why you're telling him to leave. Sometimes a person's behavior necessitates the relationship be ended, other times one person might simply be frustrated and so want to end it, even the other person isn't purposefully doing things wrong.
As far as men and women go, realize that the genders are different by nature in how they think. You're probably *way* ahead of the guy in terms of what makes a relationship "work" -- and because he is a guy, he probably figures you will contribute only what you feel like contributing, without a need for him to "match" your contribution. He figures you'll draw your own limits, rather than overextending your kindness as you have been.
I hate to call it "cluelessness," because some of it is simply a different way of thinking. You are thinking relationally (i.e., how to cement two people together), he is thinking more autonomously (i.e., how each person can be independent in the relationship). SOmetimes, yes, it is cluelessness; sometimes it's lack of experience; sometimes it's simply unreasonable expectations.
Bottom line: You say the guy is good. Is he good enough for you to stick it out? That's what matters. You are frustrated, but is he worth it or not?
If he is, then try to figure out how much of his behavior is cluelessness (you can "train" that), how much is him being independent (that's something YOU can learn -- to not give beyond your means), and how much of it is him being insensitive and shows a lack of concern for you.
I definitely wouldn't recommend constantly kicking him out, then taking him back; you are setting up an unhealthy pattern where your threats/requests have little weight to him.
Good luck!
2006-08-13 12:33:32 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men can be very clueless. They live in a different world and speak another language. You have to take that in to account and be very clear to him about what is wrong and what changes need to be made.
Ask him if he wants to have a close and happy relationship with you. If he does then he has to understand that you two are a team. That you are both on the same side wanting the same thing. Ask him for his ideas of ways to strengthen that, and really really listen to him. Don't criticize. The most important thing after love is Respect. Always treat him with respect as a human being. If you still have to have him leave, do it respectfully. You will be able to live with yourself better.
2006-08-13 12:30:31 · answer #2 · answered by Tarpaulin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a mature loving relationship, you never threaten to kick your loved one out. Just like in a good marriage, divorce is not a word that is ever used. If you truly are ready to give up on the relationship, and have done everything that you could possibly do to save it, then and only then should you ask them to leave, or leave yourself. Remember a relationship is give and take, sounds like he needs to be doing a little more giving. Tell him, and quit giving threats, it's not healthy.
2006-08-13 12:22:10 · answer #3 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your expectations are too high or you think because in some ways you are so close to him that you think he should be able to read your mind and your moods without error. I sounds like the problem is within you - you go to throw him out but he sticks around to come back. Sounds like if he putting up with all this garbage from you he must be in love with you. Are you in love with him or just on what you think he should be?
2006-08-13 12:28:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're perpetuating this kind of behavior from him by taking him back repeatedly. It tells him: "It's okay to keep doing this because she'll take me back anyway". The next time you tell him to get out, mean it and have the courage to go through with it. They will never change unless they feel they need to. Otherwise it's pointless to keep kicking him out when you really don't mean to.
2006-08-13 12:24:33 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are the only one trying then it can't work.In a relationship it takes to.You trying to due it yourself means that you are the only one working and he really isn't into it as much as you are.Let him go and find someone who will love you the same way you love him.It seems like his mind is elsewhere and not with you.
2006-08-13 12:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by missmadhatter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thank all men are clueless ,and if you don`t want him there you need to keep your word, and be true to yourself.
2006-08-13 12:26:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋