He called his ex-girldfriend saying he wants to be friends with her and that they should keep in touch. Then I found out about it by myselfand I told him I found out. He says that he only talks to her for feelings left in their past. Then he tells me that he lost such a great person but he still wants to be with me. He says he has no intensions of being with her again and that she doesn't want a boyfriend anyway. He kept his conversations from her a secret. How do I confront him now and what should I tell him? and what should I do?
2006-08-13 11:34:16 · 22 answers · asked by felina412 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What would I do??? LOL Well, I'd KICK him out of my life. Ok, not literally, but I'm afraid you are going through a similar thing that happened to me yeaaaaaaaars ago.
Anyway, leaving my own experience aside, just think about it rationally.
1. You are asking us, which shows that you do think there's a problem, only that you don't want to act.
2. Honesty is ESSENTIAL in a long-term relationship. Today he hides this from you, who knows what it'll be tomorrow!
3. NO ONE, when dating, goes after an ex. And if it is all as simple as he's put it when you found out what was going on, why hadn't he told you about it?
4. Aren't YOU a great person? Why should he look for someone less great than yourself? (It's kind of irritating...)
5. 'She doesn't want a boyfriend anyway'. That just makes things look even WORSE. What does he care??
Ok, what should you tell him? You know very well what you should tell him. Don't be afraid. He's not the kind of guy you deserve. He doesn't respect you as he should, he doesn't love you as he should, and he's a fool (I'm sorry but from what you've said here, that's my impression).
What I would personally tell him is that I've proved to fail to satisfy him as a girlfriend, that if he needs to find someone else to talk to, a 'great person', it's simply because deep in his heart he knows I'm not as wonderful as he thinks I am.
(That would not hurt his self-esteem much because you put the blame on yourself (though you have NONE whatsoever), and therefore it may help you get rid of him more easily. But if being nice doesn't work, I'd be direct: 'You don't love me and you don't even respect me. I don't want to see you ever again.' AND don't you let him convince you to remain friends. It'd be a mistake. He doesn't seem to be the kind of person you can trust as a friend either. Liars are no good (hiding things is also lying)).
Ok, be strong girl! :) One day you'll meet THE guy.
Good luck!
2006-08-13 11:53:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, don't wanna hurt your feelings, but how many ways do you have to be told that you are "not enough" before you leave him and find some guy that WILL respect you as a lover and a friend? You found out ON YOUR OWN cuz he was keeping it a secret.....regardless of what he says, he was trying to hide something or he would not have kept it a secret. That means that he PLANNED on keeping this relationship behind your back, and that is what he would've done if you had not caught him. Don't let your heart rule over your head in this case!
2006-08-13 18:45:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there could be more in the works than you think. Why would he want to talk to his ex about the feelings they shared in the past when he has YOU now? Maybe he still has feelings and is acting on them. Not to mention he kept this a secret. Thats dishonesty. A relationship can have NO foundation to build with a dishonest and secretive partner.
2006-08-13 18:42:14 · answer #3 · answered by shanna_boyette 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he lost such a great friend in her and is missing it then chances are you arent what he wants. He is just settling with you for the moment. You (all women) deserve to have a partner that thinks You are their best and greatest friend. I am sorry that you had to go through that but you should let the loser go.
2006-08-13 19:19:14 · answer #4 · answered by dawnie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from the information you have given it sounds like he isnt with her because she doesnt want to be with him .this isnt a good sign your only around because she doesnt want him back .i think you should dump him and find a man that doesnt give a rats a** about his ex but if your unwilling to do that then tell your boyfriend that you dont want him talking to his ex and that it doesnt make you feel good so if he wants you he has to cut her off .if he is unwilling to do that then that should tell you he doesnt really care to much about you .if he says that he will stop talking to her dont give him 100 percent trust he didnt tell you about it the first time so he might keep talking to her and try and hide it again from you still keep a close eye and see if he is still talking to this girl behind your back .
2006-08-13 18:41:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl, dont ask what we would do. Its up to you. But remember, its never a matter of fair or not fair. Its not fair to you, its not fair to her, and its not fair to him. Fair is a stupid decider and an idiot. Its all about acceptance. If that behavior is acceptable to you, then fine, but if its not, remove it or find a solution. Personally, I would dump his ***, because Im jealous, and when I have a man I want to be his only one. The best of luck- let me know how it gets solved <3 Aria
2006-08-13 18:39:42 · answer #6 · answered by Aria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes i can be very helpful to have someone on the sideline that understands you emotionally (and who you are not involved with sexually) and who you can discuss your problems with. Men do not have that kind of relationship with their men friends so it can be attractive to retain the ear of a wise ex. Don't be threatened, if she still wanted him, then you would know by now
2006-08-13 18:40:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're not living with this guy; tell him you need a break from HIS confusion. I mean afterall, you're not married to the guy. If you are living together, move out and really do take a break. This is not a good sign in your relationship.
2006-08-13 18:38:36 · answer #8 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
deep down he proble misses her its not that he doesnt like u he was jus comfortable wit her an maybe jus needs a friend again i dont no i would talk to him though cuz he shouldnt be keeping things from u if its not a big deal
2006-08-13 18:42:23 · answer #9 · answered by my heart belongs to a sailor! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him how uncomfortable you are with what he's doing and ask him straight up why he feels the need to do this - perhaps he wants closure. if your instincts still buzz and you don't believe him then ask him to make up his mind, but you have to be ready for an answer that you may or may not want to hear !
2006-08-13 18:38:55 · answer #10 · answered by Elizabeth 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋