Is it wrong for a married woman to maintain a friendship with an ex?

Question

My husband doesn't know that I am friends with both of my exes. I only have two. My husband and I have been together for over 8 years and married for 4 years, and these exes are no threat to my marriage, nor have they ever disrespected my marriage. Some of my friends say it's wrong, but I don't see why I cannot still be friends with people I've known before my husband. He doesn't speak to his exes. He only has one in the city we are from. Since she tried to disrespect our relationship (this was before we were married), he does not speak to her. I don't see my exes. I went to the funeral when one ex's grandmother passed, but that's it. Is it wrong to maintain these relationships, given that there is no face to face contact with them? I have no ties to them, no children with them. One is recently married and the other in a long term relationship. Our conversations are once every month or two and a 'how have you been' type of thing.

I don't want either of them. My marriage is happy. And as far as I know, they don't want me. We are friends because the breakup was not traumatic. They are both truly platonic friends.

Answer 1

from what you said i dont see anything wrong with having a realtionship with these people. but the thing i do have a problem with is you disrespecting your on husband and marriage by keeping the contact with your exs a secret. realtionships are built aon honesty. you both have been married for 4 years now. as you said things are going great and you are happy. so why mess up a good thing with something so small like this. you have to put your self in his shoes. what if he found out before you told him about your contacts with yor exs. then he wouldn't trust you anymore. he would think that you were fooling around with them. weither there married or in a long term realtionship, people still cheat. now maybe all three of you don't have feeling for each other anymore and having a friendship with someone you were in s realtionship with is hard to do and the fact that you did it with both your exs is great. but if you really value your marriage then tel your husband.
good luck!!!!!

Answer 2

I think the only problem with this is that your husband doesn't know about it. I don't think hiding things from your spouse is the best thing for your marriage, in the long run. I can definitely see where you could still be friendly with an ex without it being a threat to your husband, particularly if you don't even see them, just talk once in a while. My mom talks to my dad occasionally, and they are divorced, and they had a very ugly divorce. He's old and sickly now, and when he calls she chats with him simply because she feels a little sorry for him cos he's all alone, not well, and doesn't know who else to turn to for a little sympathy. There is sure nothing romantic going on there! I think it just shows that you are kind of classy that you can put the past aside and be kind to another person who once mattered a lot to you.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with being friends with your exes. What is wrong here is that your husband does not know about them. It's NOT because you're cheating on him, it's because you're hiding something from him, it doesn't matter what it is. Is there any reason why you can't let your husband in on it? It's sounds like you're a responsible woman whose got her life in order.
If the friendships are on a level that you described, I don't see why your husband would be threatened by this (assuming he sees it your way). The danger here is if your husband finds out "accidentally" and misconstrues the whole thing (if you know what I mean). My best advice is to tell your husband about them. Tell him the same thing you told us on this board. If he doesn't believe you, show him these Q&A(lol). Seriously, do not keep anything from him because the act of hiding something can sometimes be worse than the crime itself (even though it's not a crime). Bottom line: It's not wrong to be friends with your exes, but the act of hiding it IS. So, tell him. He may actually respect you more for doing so.

Answer 4

I don't think there is anything wrong with a married woman being friends with an ex. As long as you are not cheating physically OR emotionally. I am still friends with an ex, same kind of thing. Phone calls every week or so, saw him once when I was in town. I told my husband about it, though because there was nothing to hide. Maybe you should tell him so he doesn't find out on his own and think you are up to something because you kept it from him.

Answer 5

I also have two exes and we remained friends; it did not happen immediately though. As time passes you realize just because you were not compatible in the marriage doesn't mean that you dislike that person; simply the marriage did not work. Each of us contributed to the failure but there was definitely something humane about that ex or we would not have married them. They can be your best friend and support you at times!

BUT, your husband should be included; my ex-inlaws invite my husband and I to all their social events and he likes and respects my ex-inlaws as well as the ex-husbands. They in turn respect him. Tell your husband, his reaction may surprise you; it does not always occur that both parties can be friends with the exes. My husband cannot seem to be friends with his ex but I am able to befriend her!

Answer 6

I think that as long as they are no threat to the marriage and you make that very clear to your husband, you should be okay. However, if he has a problem with it and doesn't seem to understand, you should be very careful about maintaining the relationships with those exes (and I of course mean relationships as in friendships).

Answer 7

Its Wrong, wrong wrong!! Come on, all your attentions should be towards your husband. You say your marriage is good, BUT, why the need to keep in touch with exes behind your husbands back, thats just rotten, and completely unfair to him....

Answer 8

It feels very intense-high quality to get that form of interest. the certainty of the mattris that, the guy is married homegirl. depart it on my own, you will keep away from considered one of those guilt later. Being associates is high-quality, exceedingly if he's away, he would experience like he needs to communicate to different than his spouse, yet placed the enjoying cards on the table, associates basically! and to your man or woman peace of techniques do no longer take that money, his spouse and or toddlers would decide for it greater. do no longer supply up your activity for something, because you' would in no way now how issues would prove besides. you do no longer decide for to finally finally end up with out activity.

Answer 9

Hiding them from the husband is a sure sign you don't believe the nonsense you're posting. If the shoe was on the other foot and he was hiding two females from you, you'd be devastated if not suspicious. If you really had nothing to hide, you'd tell your man the deal and trust he's mature enough to handle it.

Answer 10

Anything that comes between you and your husband is wrong—secret attachments included.