What do you do when your no longer fulfilled in bed but everything else is fine?

Question

Hey been with my hubby for over 2 years now but only living together since last winter. When we were dating it was long distance so it was a couple weeks most of the time between visits. During those visits he was all over me and very into sex. Now that we have lived together for a bit its slacked off, way off.

I mean he will come around most of the time if I hit on him and when we do its great but I miss that passion we had. I have talked to him about this issue, in tears a few times. He feels bad about it and says he will work on starting things more often. He says nothing has changed with him and I am as sexy to him as always have been.

I have done the rose petals on the bed thing and that was great but can't do that everynight. I have bought toys to spice it up, lingere all the things I could think of. It always works for that night but then it goes back to quick, same position before bed in the dark again. It almost feels like if I didn't come on to him, we wouldn't at all.

Just to make it clear we don't have any other issues or problems. We are best friends truly. I know he isn't sleeping around because we are home everynight together and talk at least 3 times during the workday. I am also not a nag or complaining about stuff all the time so that isn't it.

Answer 1

It's normal for things to drop off a little bit after you've lived together for a period of time. It's true that whenever your away from your significant other for an extended period of time, you realize how much they really mean to you, and you long for them. Some of the best lovemaking I've had with my wife has been after her or I had been away from one another for a period of time for whatever reason. It's possible you might have a higher sex drive then your husband. It's possible he might even be sexually involved with another woman. If this persists, you and your husband might want to see a marriage counselor. I think you went above and beyond with the rose petals, lingere, toys, etc...your husband just doesn't realize how good he has it. He either needs to get in gear, or you need to move on and find a more fulfilling relationship.

Answer 2

Thank you. This is a reasonable problem. Not an easy problem, but refreshingly normal. It's rare for both partners to have the same sex drive. It's one area where every marriage requires compromise. Loving adults should manage to work it out in a way that makes a future together both feasible and satisfying. You probably must do with less sex, and less adventurous sex play than you prefer. He, also should make more effort to do the things that make you happy in bed.AND more often. Yup, it WILL take real effort by both of you to resolve this. But, the alternative is probably ending the marriage, which would be silly, assuming this is your most serious area of discontent.

Answer 3

You will have to decide whether you can accept that or not....it probrobly won't change. My ex was like that, everything the same every time. Same, same, same....it got to the point that I watched TV while he was going at it. I could have painted my nails if he wouldn't be moving so much. I started to hate the thought of it and really didn't want him near me after about 8 or 9 years of it. Used to love "being" with him. I always had to make the first move. Then it became "all about him".
Find a way to spice it up or find some help.

Answer 4

You need to take charge. First, most men could care if there are rose pedals. The direct approach works a lot more effectively. Try the hand to pants mid day and let him know it is his night to put out and none of this wham bam stuff either. It is far more effective to show him what you want than to ask. As a guy a naked woman gets a lot more responce than one in PJ's. Forget to turn the light off but keep it low and not in the eyes. If this stuff does not work check his pulse.

Answer 5

Some guys are just standoffish about starting the whole cycle and afraid of rejection and some just want the woman to do all work.I'm not trying to say that your wrong for thinking the way you are but it may just come down to you having to start it when you want it, or just hold out on him for a couple weeks and see if he don't start trying then.It don't mean he don't want you or is not attracted to you anymore but most couples fall into a rut or a certain pattern and you just have to do what you can to break the pattern.

Answer 6

your determination is inspiring and just great...you got to know that.
All the answers you got already are fine.
Just one thing i might add: Staying naked or semi naked all the time around the house "puts off the fire"....you know when you have choclate cake everyday,you loose your desire for more..right?
A good thing to do is to wear clothes which cover more than it reveal, but still have that sexy look...those kind of cloth which make the butt looks bigger,and....those stuff, you know what i mean.
Be creative...change perfumes...change hair style...learn some lines and use them while talking to your husband; you know those kind of sexy talks and tones (make them look natural,and clean ..if you can't, don't use them..will be better).
There are web sites which tells you -in details- about those things.
Porn movies are just out-of-the-line methods...which i don't prefer.
Very important thing to remember: The more you feel desperate to achieve that, the harder it gets....let things take thier course..don't rush them..don't think a lot about them...after all, if you have sex "less often",he'll always look forward to it...with passion.."Both Of You".
Good Luck

Answer 7

Men aren't mind readers - the best thing to do is tell him exactly what you are looking for. You can do things to spice it up, but if you want him involved give him some ideas. Maybe he isn't as creative as you and needs a little help.

Answer 8

i dont know a good answer,ur kinda committed now eh?
having affair will end the trust and more than likely the marriage
i suggest u keep on playing with the toy's. Toys's dont carry std's.so have fun with urself,,besides men are like cats..u know when u try to mall a cat he runs,,when u ignore the cat he bugs you,when ur reading or cleaning the cat wont leave u alone.just ignore him pretend u dont care..get aDDICTED TO UR COMPUTER PRETEND HES NOT THERE

Answer 9

In your story I was your husband because I was getting my satisfaction from other men and I did not want it from my husband. He wasn't doing the things they were even though i would describe what I wanted his delivery was not up to par. I love him but the sex thing is kaput so we're not together amongst other reasons.

Answer 10

sounds like u've tried everything u can and to no avail.. now its time to bring in the big guns... i'd start counseling...and explain to him that this is important to you and if things dont change well u dont know where the relationship will end..no sex isnt the most important aspect in a marriage but is definetly important and he is being very selfish of him...