The Night-time World
By: Eric Wyatt
The stars stare at me,
While I dance in the midnight fog.
The world is quiet now.
Everyone is in a hypnotic slumber.
The deserted streets are now just lifeless veins,
No longer pumping blood.
The shadows seem to move,
As if someone is watching me.
The lampposts illuminate what remains of the city.
I breathe in the nocturnal air,
And feel the essence of the night in my lungs.
My body surrenders to this dreamlike treasure.
The city won’t be like this forever.
The sleeping giant wakes up,
As life flows through again.
The streets begin to pump blood.
The bustling, thriving city is back to its routine.
I feel as if I’m in the way.
I now must wait before I can explore,
This moonlit world once more.
2006-08-13 08:11:14 · 7 answers · asked by Ericelephant 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Very cool. I thought it was great- i almost got chills! You should try and get published somewhere! And keep writing! I wanna read more of your stuff! You should make a website or something where you can put all your peoms!
2006-08-13 08:18:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is very good. It's what is known as prose poetry. However if your don't mind a bit of constructive criticism try to get your stanzas more balanced. Check the number of syllables in each line and make them standard. Otherwise you have just written several sentences. If you look at the first line in each verse you will see that they differ quite radically. E.G, The stars stare at me (5 syllables): The bustling thriving city is back to it's routine. (13 syllables). Other than that it's very good with lots of subtle sentiments.
2006-08-13 17:22:33 · answer #2 · answered by quatt47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The stars and the midnight fog??? seem to contradict themselves. I thought you were on a country road then you speak of the veins of city streets and then you speak of light posts. Where is the fog coming from? The sewer? or are you supposed to be at a lake somewhere?. Do you see what I am saying?
2006-08-13 15:20:33 · answer #3 · answered by proud of it 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really liked it Eric. It felt like I was right there with you thinking the same thing. Nice work.
2006-08-13 15:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by bearklektor 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't quit your day job.
2006-08-13 17:30:53 · answer #5 · answered by dark_phoenix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked it!
2006-08-13 16:54:43 · answer #6 · answered by merigold00 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pretty good now write me a rhyming one!! very intuitive
2006-08-13 15:17:48 · answer #7 · answered by razorbackgirl95 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋