i am trying to "break up" with a friend of mine. she and i have history and we both care about each other alot. it's just reached the point that we keep hurting each other, usually without really wanting too (usually because there has been a romantic connection in the past). the problem is though that we both work together frequently and will still be around each other alot. we're going for coffee tomorrow. she knows i want to speak to her, but doesn't know to what extent this conversation is about. so what is the most painless way (because i do care about her) to tell her "look, i don't want you in my life anymore/for the time being?" but still let her know that many months/years down the line, i might be willing to try it again? (that being said that should she ever really really really need me, i'd still be there for her...) sheesh.. alot of words... any thoughts?
2006-08-13 07:56:35 · 11 answers · asked by The Cowfather 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Tell her you need time to get your head together and let some healing take place. Be careful about the "if you ever really, really, really need me" stuff becaue that borders on giving her permission to make up minor emergencies to contact you, etc. and it also sounds as if you still want that contact but you want it to be her fault. Does that make sense?
Read up a bit on co-dependency and just try to stick to positive, straight forward wording when you talk to her. Coffee might even be a bit too long for this kind of talk. You want it quick, to the point and then over. The more opportunity each of you has to cry and talk ,etc.... the more likely you are to continue your pattern or back down. Simply put, tell her you know this will be hard, you're not angry with her and you need a complete break for now. Then leave. Do not call or email to see if she's ok and don't return her communications either.
Remind yourself that you are doing this as a healthy positive change in your life. Treat it like you woud dieting or quitting smoking and be good to yourself.
Good luck.
2006-08-13 08:06:11 · answer #1 · answered by hrh_gracee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go slow with this and be gentle. Don't start any arguments or anything. But at the same time, you have to be true to yourself. If she is getting in the way of you building other more promising relationships, then the ties between you definitely have to be loosened. You are definitely going to have to decide though how you are going to implement the breakup. Where's the line in the sand that you will not cross with her anymore? What aren't you willing to do now that you've become just friends?
2006-08-13 08:03:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you tell herem that you no longer want to continue the relationship you want to try and avoid pointing out any negatives about her. So just say something like you feel you need a break and want more time for yourself and that you want to focus more on school. Even if it is not true, at least you are reflecting the reason away from her and so it will help soften the impact of the break up. Good luck. Breaking hard is hard to do.
2006-08-13 08:01:18 · answer #3 · answered by Wibble 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're going to break up, then break up. Say you're done, you're sorry and leave. There is no gentle way to to tell someone goodbye.
Don't stand there & try to soften the blow by saying "maybe someday" that's a load of BS.
2006-08-13 08:04:19 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The pain will all ways be there, it just gets a little easyer every day to deal with and do not dwell on it.
2006-08-13 08:00:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her that you just want to be friends right now, nothing more. There can always be problems with relationships in the workplace. Talk it out with her, don't be harsh.....
2006-08-13 08:02:22 · answer #6 · answered by pepenbuffy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you need time for yourself at the moment. so "big things" are happing in you life rite now and you need to be alone
2006-08-13 08:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just stop talking to them, burn the bridge and leave no options.
2006-08-13 08:00:58 · answer #8 · answered by thebushman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
expalin to her that you would be there for her if she ever need you but you need your space. she should respect that.
And go on with your life.
Goodluck
2006-08-13 08:00:35 · answer #9 · answered by WICCA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can't think of 1
2006-08-13 07:59:36 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥♣BABY GIRL♥♥♣ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋