Married and cheating with a married man?

Question

I have been married for 3 years & have been with my husband for over 12 years. I have been having an affair for 2 years. I know that I have a great life..beautiful home, wonderful husband, great job...it feels like something is missing. I love my husband, but I'm not so sure that I am IN Love with him anymore. I can tell you that I am completely in love with this other man and I know that he feels the same way about me. We talk all the time and enjoy every minute we are together. I can picture myself with him and find myself thinking about him and missing him when he's not around. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I just don't feel the same passion with my husband as I do this other man. I get excited just seeing him walk into a room. I'm not sure what to do. We have talked about leaving our spouses and being together. I just worry about what the rest of my family would think of me. Just curious to know if anyone else has went through this and how it has turned out??

Answer 1

Your husband I assume has given 12 of the best years of his life to you. He is obviously not aware that he has been deceived for two of those years. When he finds out he'll be very hurt. The question is whether or not his pain means anything to you. If not, then just walk away from your husband, your home and everything in it. He's probably better off without a cheat by his side, anyway. Just a note of caution. If you're capable of such deceit, there is no guarantee that your new relationship will be any happier. Because someone else will eventually cross your path and we'll be seeing a rerun. It seems to me, you have some serious soul-searching to do.

Answer 2

Well, I've heard it said that two out of every three married people are with the wrong person. You and your husband got married for some reason and they must have been some good reasons.
I think the bottom line is to be honest with your husband, the man you're having an affair with, but most of all, yourself. I wouldn't worry so much about what family members would say or how they would react, especially if you provide the truth to all.
I'd proceed with some caution before you make any "real" moves. Ask yourself if the feeling between you and the man you're having an affair with will be the same, lets say 1 year from now. Being married and cheating on your spouse can be an arousal, but what happens if that element is not there any longer. That sense of excitement is lost.

I'm in the same situation, but am afraid to make that move. Many positives, but too many negatives.

Do your research and best of luck!

Answer 3

Well, my father left my mom for another woman. This other woman left her husband for my father. What happened to this couple? Let's just say that karma really does exist...both my father and that woman are paying the price. Every disaster that you can think of has hit them. You may want to keep this in mind if you decide to continue your affair...

If you leave your husband for that guy, you'll lose respect from your family unless they have no problems with adultery. If you have kids, then you'd be setting a poor example for them. It also doesn't speak highly of this guy you're having an affair with since he's willing to have a relationship with a married woman. You said that your husband is wonderful, so don't treat him like crap. He doesn't deserve this. End your affair immediately before things get worse.

What you and your husband need to do is go see a marriage counselor. Both you and your husband haven't been meeting each other's needs, which is probably why you had an affair in the first place. As hard as it is, you also need to tell your husband about your affair. He's really going to be hurt by this, but it's a necessary step to take in order to move on with your marriage.

You might just be going through a phase in your marriage where you're both so comfortable with each other that the romance has dwindled away. Spend time with your husband. Go on a vacation together and perhaps you'll discover that you're still in love after all.

EDIT: If, after going through counseling, you really aren't in love with your husband, then divorce him so he'll have the freedom to pursue other women and you can date whomever you want.

Answer 4

How can what the rest of your family thinks about you divorcing your husband to be with another divorced person be any worse than what your family thinks/will think about you for cheating on your husband for 2/3 of your marriage?

Which is worse?

"I can tell you that I am completely in love with this other man and I know that he feels the same way about me."

Personally - I doubt it. Right now you're "forbidden fruit" for each other, and that taboo is what makes the relationship more exciting. I'm willing to bet that if you ever were together openly, the "excitement" would be gone and you'd suddenly find again that something was "missing".

Answer 5

Havent been through it before but I can relate. What you should think about; When you decided to marry your husband, didn't you feel that same young passion and energy between you two?? You've been with your husband for a long time, But having someone else who gives you a spark reminds you of being IN love. It might be a good thing but it might not. What if you two do decide to leave your spouses and it ends up the same as your relationship now, the flame isn't as bright once you live with someone for such a long time and you might get tired of this guy too. Its a possability. Hope that brings your mind to another road of thinking. You should always think deep about these things. You fell in love with your husband for a reason, it faded, histor CAN repeat itself. Maybe you should stay with your hubby, or keep switching just for the young love effect. your choice?

Answer 6

Your husband has provided you with a lot, in your own words, a great life, beautiful home and you also say you have a great job. You made your bed when you decided to to use him as a meal-ticket. Now, surprise surprise youre in love with another guy. I bet you anything that youve no intention of leaving your nice little life for the other guy, who probably is seeing this as a bit of excitement, as hes married too. You are asking here if anyone else has went through this and how has it turned out, what you are really asking, is how long did they get away with it and did they lose the nice little life they once had for a crappy one?

Answer 7

i haven't gone through anything like this.I am really against cheating. Is it fair to your husband that you get to go have your fun and he is sitting at home being faithful to you? im sure he would love to go have sex with another women too, why don't you tell him so that he can go out and get him a fresh piece of @$$ ? and by the way this is why you feel the way you do with the other man, it's fun, new and exciting. That's how it probably was twelve years ago when you were fresh and new with your husband. It's called newness and it will wear off. You said you love your husband but you don't think that you are in love with him, well you don't say.........being that you are screwing around on him Im sure that you don't love him, because you wouldn't do that to some one you love. I feel sorry for your husband.

Answer 8

You really need to be honest to your husband because it is soo unfair to be doing this to him. It may sound simple but think if the shoe was on the other foot..if your husband was cheating and wondering what he should do..im sure you would like to at least know he is doing it so you could make the decision. You really need to tell him right now, or stop seeing this other man and let it go. Remember the grass is NOT always greener on the other side! And if you have children involved think of what kind of message you are sending them, you are telling them what you are doing is Okay, when you know in your heart its not (other wise you wouldnt be on here asking for advice) you would never want your kids or anyone else you love to get caught in the same predicament that you are in! so just stop lying and being secretive about it, honestly it is just not fair

Answer 9

This is a big thing that you are trying to change...caue it would affect not only you but your family and friends...
First you have to think if you are really IN love with this guy or is that you sepnd a great time with him and sex is great
you know life is not about sex and having great times only
you will have to deal with bills and relatives and kids and stuff
think if your lover is a good father with his actual wife and if he´s a caring person who will offer you the same things that your husband has been providing you for 12 years now..
is too hard to mantain a relationship and is great to feel passion for someone...can i be honest with you?
i think you are horn..about him and that everytime you see him you are all dressed up and with perfume...but that´s not reality
real life is about you in your pijamas with no make up and waxing your legs looking awful and yelling your husband cause he didnt went to the market...
picture yourself with the other man in that situation and think if he would be a great loving and caring husband who gives you all for the next 12 years and then make a desition
good luck

Answer 10

I am not going to judge you, just offer some advice. You are probably feeling this way about the other man because it is forbidden. You are not with him everyday and so your time together is special. Whose to say that it would be like that even if you get the chance to be together all the time? Thats why the other person always seems fun and the spouse is always the person you have responsibilities with...i.e. bills, home maintenance. Really think through what you are doing. You may end up lonley and alone.