Will he ever leave her for me, and will he stay true to me?

Question

I have know this man for 15+ years. He is married w/ 3 kids now, and I just have 3 kids w/ a donor. With in the last year we have taken our friendship to the next level...(sex) He says that he wants to spend the rest of his life w/ me, but hasn't done anything to break away from his wife. Now there really isn't anything wrong with their marrige, besides the fact that it seems to have lost it flames, it excitement. He tells me that in order for us (me & him my kids maybe even his) he need to wait for the right time to let her know. He wants to make sure that we can live comfortable. I just don't see when there is a good time to tell someone that you are leaving and by the way I have someone eles. I don't think he could leave her unless she found out about us, or she was doing something herself. Is this just to see if the grass is greener on the other side, just to get his sexual needs taken care of. I rather him just tell me that, then I wouldn't get my hope high.

Answer 1

He is never going to leave his wife. He is just telling you that so you won't leave him and he has someone to play around with. Dump him and get him out of your head as fast as possible. He would never be true to you.

Answer 2

I think you already know the answer to your question. He's not going to leave, especially if there are no problems in his marriage other than the lack of excitement. You are his excitement. Honey, you've become nothing more than his dirty little secret and he's telling you everything you want to hear to keep it that way. You know better than this and you and your children deserve better than this. It's time for you to stop making such bad decisions and move forward in life rather than backwards. Nobody wants to be the "other woman" and nobody deserves to live as second best. You aren't going to get any of this time back and this is time you could be spending with someone who actually has a legitimate game plan. Do yourself a favor and take the high road. Do what is morally right and end it. After it's ended, and I mean really over, send a letter to his wife with your apology for what you've done. This man doesn't deserve either of you.

Answer 3

ok, you should best leave him alone. Sure you love him sugar but Getting involved with his kids with his wife and his wife, it'll get messier than you think and truthfully you can tell her yourself, or force him to confess his cheating. Either way it goes, either she'll forgive him and want him to stop or she'll be devistated and have a divorce. but Honestly, No man that cheats on his own wife is good. You know that, and if he cheats on her, how will he keep himself from cheating on you when the "flame" dies, like it has with is wife now.? Ask yourself that. What I think is he's not worth it, You two have good times but he probably said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the woman he's with now (his wife). and Look where that went. He is haveing an affair with you behind her back. dont' get your hopes high when a man is a cheater, he isn't worth the pain. Hope you understand and do the RIGHT thing.

Answer 4

Sorry, but if you think he will leave her, you are crazy. Most men do not leave their wives, why should they when there are women that are willing to do what they want regardless if they are married with children? There is no "right time", he will never up and leave her. By the way, most marriages where the man marries the öther woman fail, like 90% of them. You should go to marriagebuilders.com, they have tons of stuff about infidelity, whether you are the wife or the OW. He has his cake and is eating it too, I really doubt that he will leave her, even if she does find out about you. You deserve a man who is willing to give all of himself to you, don't start a relationship based on lies...you will definitly be hurt and end up alone. Find a man who is single and who will give you what you deserve. He will never tell you that it is only for sex, of course he tells you he loves you and wants to be with you and blah blah blah...men are great liars. Go to the website I mentioned, you will learn alot there. Why would you want to be with a man who cheats on his wife in the first place?

Answer 5

Honey wake up and smell the coffee...he is never going to leave her. He will keep using every excuse in the book from the kids, to financial matters...to health problems etc etc. He has the best of both worlds..a wife he is totally content with that is the mother of his three children and than there is you. You don't ***** that he is late home from work, you don't tell him you have a head ache or burden him with the kids problems, bills, grass that needs to be cut etc...you give him your undivided attention. Give him a time frame if he is still with her after that day you will know for sure.

Answer 6

First of all why do you believe what he says?I mean he has a wife and a fool .He is not going to leave her for you,why should he?Also why would you want someone thats cheats?If he does her like that then what do you think he will do to you?You just feel for the oldest lie.Stop thinking that life will be great with him and move on with your life.And this time find someone that is not married.

Answer 7

He is never going to leave his wife. You need to move on. Any man who is unfaithful is not a good man. You will be waiting for him forever! Let's just say for your sake he leaves his wife and marries you. Would you trust him? Wouldn't you have some suspicion that he is cheating on you the way he cheated on his ex? Relationships like this never work. Move on!

Answer 8

"He needs to wait for the right time to let her know"?

LMAO - and you're falling for that?

Yes, it's because you're available and willing to let him get away with having a wife and a mistress.

He'll never tell you - why should he? He's getting what he wants, at no risk to him.

And if he ever DID leave his wife and divorce her for you, what are the odds that he wouldn't then do the exact same thing to you?

Grow up and go find someone who's available - REALLY available, not already attached to someone else.

If he REALLY loves you, he'll suddenly discover that the "right time to tell her" is when he's faced with not having you anymore.

But I wouldn't hold my breath.

Answer 9

Figured I'd log in as one of the few guys here... :)

Yes, you have known him a very long time, so you probably do feel very close to him and he probably seems to feel close to you.

The women here are right, though. Chances are, he will not leave his wife. Here are some thoughts about that.

1. Despite his words, he seems reluctant to take any action. "Looking for the right moment" is usually guy-speak for "not wanting to face the inevitable conflict" of talking to his wife. No moment will ever be the right moment. Chances are the discussion will happen only when she inadvertently finds out about your affair. He doesn't want to suffer the shame and emotional violence of facing her with his infidelity.

2. It's actually RISKIER for him TO leave his wife and commit solely to you.

Right now, he is emotionally satisfied (with you) and relationally stable (with his wife). It's not in his best interests to break things off with her -- his best interests are in doing what he is doing now (cheating and nothing more) and not putting all his eggs in one basket unless he has to do so.

Think about it. If he leaves his wife for you and things don't work, he'll have nothing. But if he stays quiet, he keeps what he has for an indefinite amount of time and STILL (probably) has one of you left if his wife ever finds out.

3. He sounds like a passive, emotionally vulnerable guy. So he enjoys how good he feels when he is with you and can't bring himself to end the affair and commit to working on his marriage.

However, he does not enjoy the prospect of having to tell three kids (over and over, if he maintains a relationship of any sort) that he has left them for another family.

If he does not try for custody, he'll look like he doesn't love them; if he does, he has to suffer a nasty lengthy court battle.

Emotionally, leaving his wife is an ugly, messy, exhausting, long ordeal that disrupts his whole life.


4. There's lots of money involved in any divorce, especially if he's the adulterous one and if kids are involved.

I would not only say that you shouldn't get your hopes high, I would suggest you go out and find someone who can commit his entire heart to you. You can do better. This relationship is not only on shaky ground, but it's potentially destructive to nine people -- three of them innocent ones, who will unavoidably have problems in adulthood due to their father's infidelity.

You should really get out. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. (And accept that, possibly, you could one day literally be in them.)

Answer 10

omg this is a right mess,wake up and smell the coffee,his married u got some one and between u both u got kids.at the end of the day think of the kids cause believe me they gonna get confuse and hurt,stop what u doing its wrong.and if u love this married man that much u wouldnt have some one else,you both as bad as each other.you need to end this idea of being with this married man and move forward cause if he really wanted you he would have left his wife ages ago,the fact his still with her says it all.