He is ready to leave but I feel very sad. I am attached to him and have never been away except for a day or two in his entire 18 years. Recently he met a girl who he is seriously involved with and sees everyday. When I ask him to spend sometime with us(family) he refuses. I find it hard to believe that this new crush of his can be such a strong influence on him that he is unable to balance his relationships. I also worry that this might distract him from his university studies. All in all I feel very concerned about where he is headed. When I try to talk he gets very angry and tells me he knows what he is doing. Should I just let go or should I be concerned. I am confused. Any advice would help.
2006-08-13 03:48:18 · 9 answers · asked by woman28 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
HAVING A GIRL FRIEND IN UNIVERSITY IS EXTRA LUGGAGE. He is not gonna concentrate on his studies. HE doesn't NEED IT. You should be concerned. Get FAMILY and friends to share their experience with him about the complexity of life.
2006-08-13 03:54:59 · answer #1 · answered by Agentj100 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We all go through this very same struggle you in fact have been through it before yeah his first day of school only then guess what he wasn't an adult and you were his crutch in life when he fell you picked him up and now it seems so much more scary to you because he is old enough to make his own decisions. What you have to understand is that this is what you have been training and teaching him for all his life. He's only fascinated with this girl because its new when it settles he will fit you both in. And I'm sure you taught your son about the *important * things in life, I'll bet he does absolutely great in school. By all means sit him down and tell him ONE time all that you are afraid of and how very proud you are, and then let him know you are always going to be there for him. Then watch from afar so to speak but give him his space, I'm sure you remember an instance where the more you objected to something the more he pushed for it, right? He's a good kid I'll bet and he's going to be an even BETTER adult, relax Mom remember YOU taught him, so he has you in him always!!
2006-08-13 04:49:14 · answer #2 · answered by Angel B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother went through a very similar situation. I am very close to her. I went to University of Iowa with my girlfriend (not by choice, but it just happened so), and she was really worried.
I suffered severely for it and we broke things off. Although my first year was a struggle from ****, i learned alot. I learned that family is always there, plus it was like a first love (and you know how first loves are). He will come around eventually and be even a more mature individual, don't you worry!
the best advice as a parent, which can be difficult!, is simply to be by his side. you can't change him or help him if he doesn't want it, but support him through it all. He'll probably be calling you back when he experiences troubles and he'll know you've been with him all along.
2006-08-13 03:52:34 · answer #3 · answered by iahawke 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure why he refuses to spend time with you, although if you are acting clingy and needy when he is around, I can see why. Of course his girlfriend will distract him from his studies, but she may also encourage him to work hard to do well in school. I don't know, I haven't met her. Your son has to make decisions for himself and learn from his mistakes. Tell him you love him and want to spend time with him, and then be supportive when he is around. If you are paying for any of his schooling or supporting him financially, you have more leverage (make a deal that he has to keep his grades up or something).
I paid my own way through college, but my parents let me live at home and pay only a little rent each month. When I spend time with them they are genuinely interested in how my life is going, but if my dad complains that I work too much or don't see them enough, I tell him that when he is being unpleasant I won't want to spend time with him. My mom understands this.
Good luck, I hope this helps.
2006-08-13 04:04:42 · answer #4 · answered by alcachofita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hardest part is letting go. Suck it up and watch from the sidelines. Let him know that you will love him UNCONDITIONALLY. Chances are that he is trying to figure himself out. He will not be able to do this well with a parental figure around. He needs to make and fix his own mistakes. He wants to try the responsibility thing. Let him. The less you help or bail him out (monetarily) the stronger a person he will become. He will most likely thank you for giving him space later in his life.
Hang in there.
2006-08-13 03:55:38 · answer #5 · answered by perplexed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your son is in his teens. during those years, which we all get through, we want to experience freedom and explore life without the help of others. if you keep suppressing your son, he will rebel against the you and the rules you make.
just let him know that you are there when the time comes that he needs your help. he will know what is best and what is right for the both of you and your family
2006-08-13 05:26:38 · answer #6 · answered by genetic_addict 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is leaving the nest Mother and it is the thing to do. You must trust that the values you taught him will make things right.
2006-08-13 03:56:12 · answer #7 · answered by Waltjh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....it may be hard, but you have to let him go.
Don't worry, he'll figure stuff out for himself.
:) Good luck, and hang in there!
2006-08-13 05:13:05 · answer #8 · answered by Sarcasm Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mama bird, you must let the baby bird fly out of the nest! trust him.
2006-08-13 04:06:21 · answer #9 · answered by thepainter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋