So confused, What to do, Where to Go??...?

Question

After this past weekend, I am ready to hop on a plane to Lord knows where. My husband suffers from a condition I know has to be some sort of disorder. Very seldom, if he gets angry, he does not know how to supress it, or express it in a way without very hurtful words, screaming and shouting. ...and he does not stop, I have to leave. We've only been married 3 years this August 30th, and I've only wittnessed his anger about 4 times....2 of which involved my 2 girls (18 & 21), this past weekend. He has agreed to anger management, but this last time has done something to my feelings completely towards him. As remorsful as he is, and sorry for the pain and hurt towards my girls (and myself), I cannot feel anything for him at th is time. My 18yr old is leaving on Wednesday for the Navy, and the same day my other daughter is leaving for college the same day. Not only all of t his going on, my job has thrown me a curve ball and made it impossible to cope there as well. WHAT TO DO???

Answer 1

feelings are hard to get back because every time something happens it takes away from you. you are only human and know that this is not how you choose to live your life. however you made a vow before god so at least give him the chance to go to anger management. but make sure he understands your position on everything. do not let him force you into being all lovey dovey and you're not.you need to see change before moving forward. with your job this is my philosophy, when you found that job it was because you were looking. so you can find another job by looking. dont put ya self in a bind though. also its goin take some dating again to get back to where you were with him.

Answer 2

This is a very hard and difficult situation you are in, and you are feeling very alone and not understood.

Your husband is suffering from exactly what you have expressed here, uncontrolled anger and outbursts that hurt you and others.

BUT, there are some consolations.
1) Your daughters are leaving and so they won't have to witness this again anytime soon and you won't have to worry about their safety or their hurt feelings.
2) This is the PERFECT opportunity to salvage, if that is your desire and intent, this marriage and both yours and your husband's integrity and dignity.
3) All relationships go thru changes, and if viewed this way, you will be able to accept and understand what is coming next.

One of your answerers stated that it would be a good time for you and your husband to seek out psychiatric help....I agree.

Your husband by attending anger management classes will benefit from them IF he is willing to do what is necessary to change his behavior.

YOU can benefit from counseling of some kind in order to understand what has been going on, what went on and how you feel.

YES of course your feelings have changed, to be hurt by the one you love is devestating, and you are devestated and now there is a question of trust.......

I hope this helps you.

Answer 3

You sound stressed.....and your heaping it all up in to a big pile.

Try to set some priority on what to handle first like the girls leaving and what needs done to get them where they need to go.

When they have left (they will be back) and you have acknowledged the empty nest feelings,
then try to get the job under control.

When the important issues are resolved, review your feeingsl regarding Hubby. Right now worring about why and what causes him to do this is just piling stuff up.

Sounds like you have already discussed the Incident and aren't ready to deal with it, ecspecialy with all these other issues to deal with. First.....

Get plenty of rest, (its hard for me to cope when I'm tired).

Answer 4

maybe u both ought to go to a psych and have him checked and u to have an advice on how to cope up with him. same as what couples do when a partner have depressions. i have same problem with ur husband too and also bouts of depressions. iv tried depression medicine but i cant bear the side effects. right now i'm better. how? i asked for the Lord's guidance. i read the bible everyday, everytime i have time. that makes my life bearable. so now i dont get angry and depressed easily. at times i have bouts still but i could easily overcome it now.

Answer 5

Google his symptoms, could be bi-polar or something? Maybe he needs medication to help him regulate chemicals/hormones, etc. and DEFINITELY counseling. As for you, consider taking a breather and visit relatives or friends after your daughters leave. Sometimes a little space helps put things into perspective. As for your job, consider if it is worth your sanity- you may need to look for something else. But don't just quit if you can help it without having something else lined up. Being broke only adds to your misery. Good luck!

Answer 6

You need to put yourself in check....get a grip......You start off blaming your husband....then you blame your girls....The problem is not either IT"S YOU.....you're experiencing seperation axiety and are blaming those around you for YOUR problem.

Seek out a DR. You probably need to be on some kind of anti-axiety medication. Seek out a counselor...too....

If your hubby needs anger management....make him an appointment for that..

EMPTY nest syndrome nothing you can do about that accept get yourself a hobby and do something with your life......Your children are grown....have lives of their own....and try not to live your life through your children!!!

Answer 7

#1 you have to take care of your girls. #2 you have to take care of yourself. give your problems to the Lord in prayer. He will take care of u. just hang in there and good luck.

if he ever hits any of u. don't even think about staying with him no matter what.