on-line graphic chat with best friends husband?

Question

I found my wife havings online sex chat with a best friends husband, whom she called as her sister. When I confronted her she said, he is just a friend. When I showed her evidence, she got into silent mode and pleaded that it only happened once. She never had even a phone call or online chat with him before. At the time we were recovering through a short 15 day separation which was also initiated by her. She was also on the antidepressants, she told me it was all because of these pills that her behaviour went in to have online sex. I being a soft hearted person believed in her and because of our only 4 yrd old daughter, ignored her. Now it has been nearly more than a year that this incident happened, she believes all is back to normal. In my life, there is not a single moment I question her behaviour with best friends husband. I am confused whether she is telling me the truth? I simply want the truth and her to be honest. Any one else had this experience or advise here for me ?

Answer 1

if it's been over a year and she hasn't done it anymore...let sleeping dogs lie ok. bringing up past things only puts a wall up between you two. the more past wrongs you hold onto, the bigger the wall until sooner or later, you have no marrige

Answer 2

Speaking from personal experience, wanting to JUST KNOW THE TRUTH....if I had to do it all over again, I would NOT want to know the truth. In fact, I'd imagine I STILL don't know the truth and I do not believe I ever will KNOW the truth.

Your every waking moment scenario, I can relate to. I too became obsessed with what my wife did while we were separated and I let it drive me nuts, still does in a manner of speaking, but WHEN I use my head I can easily realize that I WILL NEVER KNOW THE TRUTH. I will only have her word on what happened. I can either take it or leave it. And because of children, I take it, but I don't believe it, and it doesn't change anything no matter what I think or believe.

So, what it really means is that NOTHING you say, do, know, are ignorant to, or anything else, is going to change whatever it was that happened. NOTHING CAN BE UNDONE REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH YOU REGRET IT OR TRY TO UNDO IT.

My advice to you is to realize that people are people. If after all the thinking you've put into it, you come to the conclusion that something happened between them, well, there you are. Does it matter if she admits to it? Does it matter to you to KNOW she was an emotional wreck at the time and her best friends husband was a predator? Chances are, if anything did happen, it was the man who initiated it because he had inside information into your and hers personal situation.

Women can be devious little $hits, but men typically initiate things and women are easily swayed when they are vulnerable. I know that doesn't sound like much of an excuse, but believe me, women are a whole different species. They have no strength when their feelings are hurting.

A wise Chinese man once said, "You can live with a woman for 80 years, your entire life, and still, on your death bed, you will not know her."....or something like that. All that means is that women are weird dude. If your wife did do something wrong, she is probably sorry about it and there isn't anything that is going to change it. Just keep pushin' on.

Answer 3

Your wife is just doing what millions of people do every day on line. She is escaping reality to get into a romantic sensual life that doesn't include hate, confrontation, her having to be the perfect wife, and makes her feel wanted. Someday the Internet will be given the label as a disease. I think it's good to have some type of escape like this. Most people dream or fantasize or read books, or something to get into their "perfect world".
You need to sit her down and talk to her about it again. This time be cheerful and open with her. Tell her that you understand how her chatting allows her to be carefree for a while. Also, tell her that you accept her and love her for whom she is. After that, it might be fun for you to have her show you what it's like. Don't be upset with her when you read that other people on line think she is a wonderful woman too. Don't be upset when you find out that she might have a few "knights in shining armor". Don't be upset when you find out that both her chatters and her have talked about having sex. If you become involved with her on line, you both may find it stimulating and a boost your marriage needs. Beware, if you think either of you wants to take it to the next level of meeting someone, it could really liven things up. Alway be polite to her. Good Luck

Answer 4

Is she receving antidepressants because she has a diagnosis of being bipolar vs. only depression? Bi-polar patients may be a little less inhibited at times, especially when they don't take their meds as they should, which is a problem at times. Her uninhibited state could be showing any way, but ease and openness with sex seems to be a pattern. This being said, I don't know her, so it is hard to tell.

What are you comfortable with when it comes to sex? If you are OK with chats like that, so be it. If you're not, it may be time to set records straight, and make a decision. If you keep on focusing on the past, you will never move forward! Have you talked to her best friend's husband? You don't need to be threatening, just to figure things out, because you deserve to know. It is like anything or anyone you invest in (respectively financially, and emotionally). You have the right to know what's going on.

Answer 5

Well I had something similar, I was chating to a guy on the internet and we got really close, at the same time I felt it was driving mine and my hubbys relationship appart, it was just to heavy to cary, so I confessed to my hub and he forgave me, I never did that again, now we just trying to build our relationship again and very happy together. I don't know about medication, but I can say I was emotionally empty that's why I was looking for affection from someone else, that was strange kind of stage in our marriage. Don't give up on her, she needs your help and understanding, whatever she's going trough, if you support her and lift her up, she'll start opening up again and be honest and close with you. We also have a 4y.o son.

Answer 6

It's very hard to forget when you've been cheated on, even if it was on-line. She very well could have been under the influence of the pills. Trust me, they aren't the same under that influence. She's "toed the line" for over a year, you should let it go. I did. You have the little girl, and that's the reason you forgave her initially. Remember that, and let it go...

Answer 7

believe her if you bring up things past, then it will surely be disastrous. and if she was having a sex chat, then maybe you should pay a little bit more attention to her sexual needs. ask her how she wants it. be spontaneous. liven things up a bit. c'mon man ur smart u should no this!

Answer 8

Her depression could have caused her to seek that sort of relief. Forget about it and move on.

Oh, yes. . .make sure the "best friend's" husband stays away.

Answer 9

Trust is a hard thing to get back, if you really want to save your marriage go get councelling.

Answer 10

if she is not leaving an evidence trail around, she is probly over it. my advise is that you get over it.