What are the advantages and disadvantages of being married without children while attending college ?

Question

One of my children has asked this question. I did not go to college, but I have been trying to research to give them a fairly accurate answer. I do not like the standard answer of waiting to marry just for the sake of waiting. It seems to me that it would depend more on the individuals and their relationship than any blanket age guidelines. I am hoping for some practical advantages and disadvantages from folks with experience. Thanks

Understanding that children arent the best idea while in college, what about being married as opposed to staying single? One of my children has asked this question. I did not go to college, but I have been trying to research to give them a fairly accurate answer. I do not like the standard answer of waiting to marry just for the sake of waiting. It seems to me that it would depend more on the individuals and their relationship than any blanket age guidelines. I am hoping for some practical advantages and disadvantages from folks with experience. Thanks

Answer 1

I was married when I went to college to earn an engineering degree. I'm not sure if my experience is applicable, as my son was about a year and a half old when I started and I was 23. He's now 18 and I'm now 40.

I'm not sure if it was marriage or parenthood that motivated me to take my studies very seriously, but I was a very successful student, mostly due to the effort I focused on my studies. I didn't have the social demands or loneliness of my classmates. Marriage is a little more durable than a typical relationship at that age, so my wife and I likely wouldn't have stayed together during that period if it weren't for the fact we were married and had a child (I finally divorced her about seven years ago).

I'd say it was a major advantage for me (it didn't feel like it at the time) to not have social desires interfering with my studies. I always had a companion when I needed or wanted her for social activities and let's face it, sex. Sex is a powerful motivator in your youth and if that need is fulfilled, then other issues can be given more priority. It is a HUGE advantage.

However, none of the married couples I knew in school have survived to today. Inevitably education changes your perspectives, your opinions and really your personality. Being an engineer is such a integral part of my personality, I don't remember who I was before I became an engineer. My wife didn't grow in the same way I did. She didn't pursue and education and we grew apart. Our dialogues became monologues. I devoted more and more time to my profession, and she decided to pursue new and vaired sex partners (which is why I divorced her).

As education is going to change your perception of yourself and the world, it is probably less than an even chance a marriage will survive through the changes. Most didn't survive school. I believe mine lasted as long as it did because of my son.

There is also a huge disadvantage, at least in the United States. If you're going after a professional degree, many states will award your ex-spouse a portion of your earnings (the rest of your life) because he or she made an investment in your future. Your education becomes "community property". In my state this only applies to advanced degrees.

So, getting married before you go to school limits your sex partners, helps you focus on your studies and will likely cost you greatly when you finally figure out what your really want in life and in a spouse.

All in all, having "been there, done that" I think my classmates who had a steady lover (or series of them) did the best. It also helped to have a companion that was studying the same topics as you. Study partner, sex partner and someone to have meals with.

Answer 2

I will never say that having a child is a disadvantage, but while in college, there are limitations. We women are always responsible for the child rearing, family/budget/life management.
It will definitely cause a roadblock early in the marriage and in the studies. While the other spouse continues on and finishes their studies, the other might have to drop-out for a while because Lil' Johnnie has a cold, chicken pox, separation anxiety and a number of other issues. There will also become a time where money will be an issue and one spouse has to drop school and get a job in order to help out financially.

I see not having children until you have completed all of your studies, gotten your degree and landed that "big figure salary" as an advantage, because by then, you will have more time for your child and your family.

Don't fore go your own education, career and goals because the other spouse wants to plant seeds in your garden.

I hope what I have said has helped. If not, I tried.

Answer 3

College is a time of self-discovery, awareness and not only discovering a lot about yourself, but the world around you by developing new interests, making new friends and so on. If you're tied down with kids, your first and primary concern is them - or at least it should be - and by being married and having kids you're restricting yourself severely and missing out on a very important part of your life. In addition, what if your kids school is off for a day while you're having classes? What do to? Go to school or stay at home? You're probably going to miss out on something very important by not going to class that day since most colleges and universities will not allow underaged kids in the classroom and if they do, its very often up to the individual instructor as to whether they will or not.

Our pop culture says that you meet that someone special in high school, get married upon graduation and start having kids. Where's the intellectual growth and stimulation in that? There is none. People need the college time to grow and mature and you don't get that if you get married right out of high school - and so many of those marriages end in divorce anyway that its ridiculous because the person isn't mature enough.

Speaking from experience, I made the mistake of getting married while in college and the normal 4-year experience took 7 years since I was trying to balance a job, school and what turned out to be a disastrous marriage. And, I feel that I missed out on a lot - and I did. Fortunately, by the time I went to graduate school I was out of the marriage and was able to enjoy the collegiate life once again.

While you'll disagree with this - I have - over the years - come to the conclusion that the best age to get married is about 35....you've paid off your student loans, have a career and if the marriage goes belly-up, you have something to fall back on.

As to advantages to being married while in school - there aren't really any. It's almost like you're trying to serve 3 masters - your schooling, your mate, and the job you have to have in order to keep food on the table and a roof over your head. Far too often, its the schooling that suffers.

What too many people don't realize is that today's Bachelor's degree isn't really worth a whole lot and a Master's is becoming what the Bachelor's was 15-20 years ago. Going to school is a full-time job as is marriage and the job you're going to have to have. Far too often, people sacrifice their schooling and future so they can be "grown up" and married and not having to worry about whether or not they're going to get lucky. The end result is that they wind up in a job they hate and are miserable for the rest of their life and always wonder what might have been. All because they thought they had to get married at a young age. And far too often, they take out their frustrations on the other person. I know it sounds trite, but if the other person is worth it - they can wait - if they won't, they weren't the right person anyway.

Answer 4

If it is true love then there is nothing wrong with it but if is the sake of being just married then you have problems like wow is he cool or if someone starts to pay attention to you and is a stud then you may start thinking the other way like cheating to find out if he is better than what you got being married is commitment for better or worse but to some those words dont mean diddly so think it through you will have problems like Money , going out alone with FRiends .JEALOUSY IN MY OPINION wait till you are positive and is for keeps I MAY BE OLD FASHION BUT IT SEEMS THE OLD FASHION WAY MAKES MORE SENSE......

Answer 5

The advantage of NOT having children is that you would have more time to study.

The professor does not care if you can not come to class because you have a sick child..
You should not as the Professor to reschedule work for you because you have a sick child.
The Professor does not care if your husband is sick.

Do not ask for any favors. That might be the simplest way of putting it..
It is best if you have no kids while in school.

Answer 6

When you are attending college it is more than just an 'educational' experience. You are learning how to be social and interact with other people. In college you are going to meet lots of different people and develop lots of relationships with your fellow students and if you are married you may miss out on alot of that experience and may have regrets about it later.

I was engaged when I went to college and therefore didn't do alot of socializing. I feel like I missed out on alot because of that.