We been married for almost a year. I moved her back to my home town. She then missed me very much for about 3 months and then she told me that she no longer missed me as much. Then about a month later told me that she does not want to be with me any more. she has been going out alot and has pretty much forgoten about me. What should I do? It is harde r for me to get her off my mind than it is for her to get me off hers.
2006-08-13 01:08:15 · 18 answers · asked by jason 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is a terrible thing for you to be so far away. She didn't have a support network and it seems that she found one and this support network helped her to forget what was important - you. I know that when my friend's husband was deployed she was very upset and lost without him. We used to go places together, but she never forgot him or what he was doing. She loved him without ever considering a life without him. Give her the divorce and try to move on with your life. You need to find someone who will wait when you are deployed. My husband when he was at sea would be gone for months at a time but he never worried about what he would find when he got back. That is what you need to have. Do not do anything foolish, come back alive and really live your life. Good luck to you.
2006-08-13 01:14:12 · answer #1 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing how long you will be gone, it's very hard to give a good advice but here's my $.02. As a military wife myself, it is extremely tough on us when our spouses are gone for such long periods of time, especially when there's hardly any communication. When my husband went on Westpac, I went through a similar situation as your wife...except I didn't threaten my husband for divorce. First, I missed him very much. Then after 3 months, I got used to him being gone. By the 5th month, I was so used to it that I didn't even miss him anymore. This, however, didn't mean that I didn't love him anymore.
When your wife told you she has forgotten about you, my guess would be that she just got so used to you not being around that she didn't miss you anymore. At this point, she could also be feeling a little resentment towards you for leaving her alone for so long (as if you had any other choice). My suggestion would be to wait until you get home (assuming you're still away), to do anything. She might be feeling this way right now but wait till she sees you again and she might just do a 180. Many times the wives fail to appreciate just what it is that you guys go through when you go on deployment. Put it simply, we tend to become selfish and resentful. My suggestion would be lots of communication when you get back. You need to catch up with each other because until this point, you two were essentially living two separate lives. I hope you two can work this one out without ending in divorce. Good luck!
2006-08-13 08:59:49 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long were you together before you got married? If it was years then she should be ashamed of herself. She knew the situation and that you were going to be leaving her for long periods of time and still went through with it. You have to give a marriage more than a year especially if one of you will be gone a large part of that year. Marriage is so much work and you both have to want to work on it or you can just forget it. I would guess She would be lonely but there are ways around that without going out all the time ... Join a women's group , A church group or a support group. The least one could do is wait till the other one gets home to do the breaking up.
2006-08-13 08:38:47 · answer #3 · answered by anne04char 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your misfortune but she only did you a favor because obviously she couldn't handle the commitment of a military relationship. Not many people can and many make the mistake of running off and getting married because of getting deployed just so they can someone at home waiting for them just to later find out that person was less than loyal. You aren't the only one thats been through this. If she wants out more than likely she has found someone else and wants to move on ( the slithering slug that she is ). You would do well to keep your mind on your duties and come home safely for their is always others out there who understand commitment good luck to you. Semper Fi.
2006-08-13 08:47:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear about the hard time you are having! If it is not bad enough to be fighting in a war to protect this country, then your wife has to go and spring this on you? I know it is hard on the wife, but she should also realize how hard it is on you to have to be away!
I am no one to be telling you what to do, but if I were in that situation, as hard as it is to do, I would let her go! I know you love her and it is very hard to get her off your mind, but if this is how she is going to be then, in my opinion, she never really loved you in the first place and you truly deserve better than that! A military wife, should stand by her man, not run for the hills when she gets lonely! I am not trying to be rude, but she is not good enough for you and you should give her the divorce and find someone who will love and support you and be there for you through thick and thin and stand by you! I hope this was of some help! Good luck and God bless!
2006-08-13 08:39:31 · answer #5 · answered by iLoveDawnDawn 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she is playing games, she will probably come back again in the future when she sees that you are moving on. That's really not a good thing, if she comes back you need to leave her alone, otherwise you'll be in the same shoes that you are in right now, As for getting over her, know that she doesn't have your best interest at heart, if she did then she wouldn't be playing these cruel games. Keep your self very busy and think about your future with a new wife that will love you and be there for you, don't think about the past, it won't change anything if you do. Time is the best thing for the heart to heal and like i said when your wife comes back in the future leave her alone.
2006-08-13 08:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by angel 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry that your wife feels this way...from things I have heard a lot of wives/girlfriends are doing the same thing with partners that are deployed. They see it as being hard on them with the partner gone for long periods of time but the way I see it you guys are doing one hell of a job for your country/world and have to deal with much more than what people realise. I assume your wife married you knowing you were in the armed forces so I think it is purely selfish on her behalf. It sounds like she has found someone else which would suggest she is weak in the sense that you are out of sight out of mind, She should be proud of what her husband is sacrificing physically and mentally. I would grant her the divorce and move on and hopefully you will find someone who can accept you for you and your choices/sacrifices. Women of her calibre aren't worth being with you deserve better
May peace be with you and you return to your family safely. I sincerely wish you all the best.
2006-08-13 08:17:33 · answer #7 · answered by gypsywife2b 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
According to the Soldier-Sailor Act, no legal proceeding can involve you unless you are allowed full access to a lawyer and unfetterred communication with all parties involved. Irrespective of what happens when you return, she cannot divorce you until then unless you say so. Actually, the clock for a contested divorce can't even be started until you return...she's in for a long wait if you want her to be.
2006-08-13 11:05:47 · answer #8 · answered by mathguy_99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved. You can not change her mind, and if someone fell out of love with you so easily chances are you wouldnt want to change it.
This has happened to other people, you are not alone. Accept the fact that she has moved on, and you must do the same. It is hard when you love someone (I know).
It is a hell of alot harder for you to get it off your mind, but you will in time. Soon that hurt and pain will turn to anger. When you realize that you deserve better, you can move on. You didn't fall in love overnight, and it will take awhile to move on.
Trust in the fact that the right person is out there, it just may not be her. Focus on your family, your friends and people that love you. A person that does not love you is not worth hurting over.
Hopefully you are safe, and return safely home. There are people that are strangers that show more love. She picked a bad time to do that to you. That is cowardly. Don't wait to move on, she certainly hasn't.
2006-08-13 08:20:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well hun i know its hard but just let her go its better now than later time will heel u and there is someone out there for you and that she will really love u cause that girl never loved u , u dont forget someone in a month or 2 when u really love someone just give urself time to forget and keep on life is to short and u have to live it a god as u can with no headachs in it ,,,,,,,,,,wish u the best take care
2006-08-13 08:19:16 · answer #10 · answered by oh my 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋