i need some advice.I know i am wrong about doing it but he seems to tell people online whats wrong and not me.I always ask whats wrong hes like nothing.So am i doing the wrong thing please help
2006-08-12 23:32:40 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There could be several reasons why he wasn't talking to you. However, given your "snooping", I would recommend you BOTH go to marriage counseling.
1. There is a communication issue. He doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about his problems. Need to find the cause as to why and try to find a way to fix it.
2. You just destroyed any trust he had in you. Now you will have to start working at establishing that trust again. A counselor can help you do that.
It sounds like you guys had some problems before the snooping. If he won't go with you to counseling, start going by yourself for now. The counselor can help you try to convince him to join you.
If he refuses to go to counseling with you, you've got bigger problems...
2006-08-12 23:39:05 · answer #1 · answered by Physh 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if he got mad at you for reading his messages, chances are he's up to no good. If he's not doing anything wrong, then there's no reason for him to be angry. If he goes overboard, gets too dramatic and tries to divert the attention from him by pointing his finger at you... then you really do have a problem! It's called "manipulation", and it's his way of making you feel like you've wronged him, when in fact, it's the other way around.
Does he spend a lot of time on the computer?
Does he make it a point to erase his history?
Are the temporary internet files empty?
Does he hide or encrypt files?
Has he installed "cleaning" software/programs?
These are all signs that something's not right. Try your damnedest to get him to open up to you about what's going on with him. Make sure you address him with concerns, instead of accusations. It's obvious he becomes defensive rather easily so choose your words wisely.
Good luck crazy... I feel for you!
2006-08-13 01:03:33 · answer #2 · answered by Shellbus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kristine B is right. Trust is the issue. Do you open his mail? If you do then you are wrong. You go through his wallet? Stop it. Despite all a marriage is, keep in mind you are both different people and you both have the right to expect privacy. Would you like him prying into your stuff? Once trust leaves a relationship it's over, Love. People will rise or fall to the level other people expect. You keep prying into his privacy and he'll fulfill your worst fears. Cause that is what is driving you to find out his activities...you're not secure in your realtionship and you fear he is up to something.
2006-08-13 02:26:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all every couple must have trust and space in a relationship. I feel you need to stop and think if he should look at your messages how would you feel? I think you would feel like he didn't trust you. Until you catch him in the act visually cheating then you have no business reading his messages. You are telling him you don't trust him and if there's no trust with either one of you & have to snoop and check up on what the other one is doing, you might as well hang up on the relationship because trust is one of the key words in a relationship to make it work. I hope this helped answer your question.
2006-08-12 23:45:24 · answer #4 · answered by prtyeyes68 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must respect his prvacy as such he should respect yours. If you pry into his mail and rwead something you don't want to read, your gonna real hurt and it doesn;t excuse the fact you invaded his privacy.
If you think, he wants someone lelse or is looking, I can understand you being mad. You feel used and tossed out like your nothing.
I'm gonna let you in on a male perspective about sex.
When a Man has tasted his female partner and you have fullfilled his sexual desire and I mean you and him have done it every way you wanted too. He is finished and washed up because he wants more that you can't possibly fathom...and why.........becasue you were to quick and easy to be seduced in to a sexual position when you should of been the one calling the sexual role shots:)
Did you read what I just typed????YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE CALLING THE SEXUAL ROLE SHOTS!
That's where you goofed.
2006-08-16 04:23:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO,your not doing the wrong thing.First of all,he should be coming to you and not them.You are his wife,his best friend,and his soul mate.Secondly,your right,you shouldn't have to check up on him.He should know better than to be confiding in others,without confiding in you.He also needs to know that whatever he writes/talks about/emails....is fair game.AND if he dosen't want you to read a certain something,then tell him he shouldn't be saying it.You have every right to know what's going on in your marraige,one way or another.Open up the lines of communication and build that trust back up.Save your marriage and don't let anything get in between your happiness with yout hubby.Tell him how bad it hurts you to see that he can trust others with your intimate issues and problems and that you think it should be discussed openly,between the two of you ONLY!!Good luck!!!!
2006-08-13 00:03:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't read his messages. Sometimes it is easier to ask a stranger about something than to ask your wife. You need to have a trusted relationship, in order for a marriage to work. Ask if you could talk about things that might be troubling your relationship. Don't sneak behind his back. It will just get worse.
2006-08-13 00:32:23 · answer #7 · answered by mercedes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from experience, i read my husbands online messages. It is a trust thing and your insecure. has he ever done anything for you to be insecure of your relationship? but, if he doesnt talk to you about problems, it may not be all his fault. you have to look at your side of the problems. do you have a temper? do you get mad easily when he tries to talk? do you deny things that need not to be ignored? sometimes the other spouse turns to other ppl for different opinions. it doesnt nessecalry mean that he is hiding anything or that he doesnt want to talk to you. he gets mad because he knows you dont 100% trust him and he doesnt know why?..i am going to school to be a therapist/marriage counsler. email me some of the things you have read and i can be of more assisstance. jackson_lift@yahoo.com
2006-08-12 23:57:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a way, you violated his privacy. It would be like him searching through your purse and /orwallet.
You need to sit down and express your concern that he is confiding in others rather than confiding with you about any problems he may have related to the marriage or otherwise.
2006-08-13 00:58:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope. i dun think that by doing so you are wrong. i think that what you are doing is all out of concern. maybe you should try to understand him more to find out what's he's thinking. if you've already done so and it's failed, i think you should just ask him why he tells ppl online whats wrong and not u when you are his wife and they are not even related to him in any kind. if he still remains mad after you've tried so hard to understand him and care for him more den i think that there's really something wrong with him. sad to say, he might have been cheating on you or something
2006-08-12 23:37:35 · answer #10 · answered by TrUffLe 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋