Before my husband & I got married we were boyfriend & girlfriend for 6 years, we just got married in July. When I met him He had a lot of emotional & drug problems & was abused by his mother when he was a kid),he has little by little worked through these problems. I have been there for him through his situations and he has been there for me (ex: I was hospitalized for almost a year with a rare disease, he would sleep on the hospital floor to watch over me.) but many times with this drug issue I've caught him lying to me about where he's been or what he was doing. I know it's mostly shame and feeling that he has failed himself and me. But now I am married in a new apartment, not living at home with my parents & am finding myself at 5 am sitting alone here waiting for him to come home, knowing that he called me @ 7pm to tell me that he was an hour away I have this deep feeling of sadness, He is wonderful & we deeply love each other, he says the drug anxiety takes over him? what to do?
2006-08-12 23:05:28 · 8 answers · asked by Tryin2holdon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
easy... and hard... very hard...
first tell him you love him.... but not his addiction...
you will be there for him .... but not his addiction...
Let him own his own addiction
Be busy in your own life... tell him you love him now and will always love him but you are just NOT going to sit around at 5am wondering where the heck he is...
Set yourself a reasonable life pattern and invite him to join you.... but don't let his chaotic life be the path you walk along...
He will either join you or not...
BUT the choice is his.. and his alone...
You do not need his chaos... you do not need his excuses... you do not need his lies....
Let him know you understand where he is at and where he has been but now is now... and he must take responsibility for his own life ... and how he chooses to live it...
2006-08-12 23:32:15 · answer #1 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to be the bearer of fairly a awaken call yet he did no longer come again a replaced guy. He has in hassle-free terms been sparkling for a pair months marvelous? that may no longer a transformation, this is a short injury. you won't like my suggestion yet right here is going...i'm no longer against pot smoking. even nevertheless i'm no longer into it, i do no longer strategies if somebody does in the event that they do no longer do it excessively and if it does no longer get rid of from money they ought to deal with economic duties. AND in the event that they're smart sufficient to no longer get into situation with the regulation. i've got faith that if alcohol is criminal, pot would desire to be too. velocity is a diverse tale. i'm curious what sort. in case you're speaking approximately meth or something this is an greater different than pills, he would have a real situation greater advantageous than you think of. If he's basically taking pills, I ought to contemplate whether he's basically rebelling against you because this is unquestionably no longer a "intense" and not generally generic so some distance as addictions circulate. All that being mentioned, needless to say he does no longer decide directly to give up and desires some sort of a "launch" which he's even prepared to empty the economic enterprise account for. i will wager which you're the two youthful and which you life contained in the midwest or some rural section. in line with possibility fatherhood comes with a rigidity he feels unprepared for and needs to locate a stress reliever which will help with that. Is he against some beers with the adult men and bowling? i unquestionably do no longer see you kicking him out for pot and a few velocity whilst youth have achieved this because of the fact the commencing up of time and he will advance out of it.
2016-09-29 05:23:20 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person can be unfaithful, and never do ANYTHING sexual. While it's usually sex, anything that is done, knowing it'll hurt the marriage is being unfaithful. Lady, a guy out binging on drugs all night ISN'T wonderful. AND, if he loved you deeply, he wouldn't do it. But, you stay, and try to have a bunch of kids. Then, come on back here and cry about how he doesn't put family first. You've got what you knew you were getting. A druggie, who cares about drugs. EVERYTHING else comes after that. Good luck, cuz you'll need it. I pity your children-when they come.
2006-08-13 01:19:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its great that you have helped him through some of is issues and he also has helped you, however he has got to start learning to help himself. The only way he is going to is to admit openly he does have a problem and be willing to accept professional help, attend n.a. meetings and join other groups that will support him in a crisis period ,BEFORE he picks up the drug!
And let me also tell you , you are not alone.So many women have been involved in the same situation, thinking , hoping, and praying that they can have the right reason to get them to stop.Love is not the answer, pleading will not stop it,joining him on his journey to hell will do no good for either of you. But not accepting any excuses or reasons he gives for his relapses not being a co- dependant is what you will have to learn to become. There are many groups to help you also to understand what I am telling you, look in your phone book hun find one and talk to someone , it will be kept confidential. Meanwhile I know you are hurting but realize you yourself are worth a whole lot, and this is not going to resolve itself by hoping, I know I've been in your shoes, please by all means take care of you!
2006-08-12 23:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by momof8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read this and I just cant help hurt again...I lived the same situation and here I am..alone but fine again.Unfortunately, you can't help him if he doesn't want to help himself, we, women in love, will always justify them...always think that they'll stop...it doesn't happen ..They lie ...my ex just to ask me to get dress to go out on a Friday night and just not show up until next day, I thought on the beginning it was another woman....then he confessed , cocaine ,crack cocaine...we cried together and he promised to get help ..:( ...it was beautiful for another week or two, he would talk about future plans ...life seem like paradise for me...then he stood me up again and again....I still , writing to you cant get over it...please, know , this is not different ..drugs are the most horrible enemy to fight against....he's 46 now and we broke up about 2 months ago...you need to let go or things will get worse...don't wait until then..he will steal from you and he will become agresive..paranoic...get away from him..
Until this day, I know he loves me as much I do...but we cant be together because I cant do what you;re doing now anymore....wait,wait and wait....
I wish you all the luck and contact me anytime...
2006-08-13 00:09:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
find a rehab center for him. Although he has to decide himself that he needs help It will happen when he reaches the bottom. Not earlier. Drugs change people. I had the same problem with my ex husband. he changed, and he still haven't reached his bottom. I found out it was killing me that he was doing . We divorsed.
2006-08-12 23:36:43 · answer #6 · answered by Stella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait until he asks you to be a hooker and buy him drugs and support him, i think you are willing to do that, after all you love him very much and he is so wonderful that you have to wait for him every night. what a loving couple you both are.
2006-08-12 23:46:12 · answer #7 · answered by ubon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe some counseling you can do together.
2006-08-12 23:36:00 · answer #8 · answered by bill a 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋