we have been married for almost 9 years we have a 12 year old daughter. I work graveyard, so I sleep during the day. I recently found divorce papers that he started filling out. I also discovered he has been going to dating sites saying he is divorced. I had no clue anything was wrong, our sex life is very active, we get along, I thought our marriage was fine, what happened?
2006-08-12 20:49:23 · 60 answers · asked by justanothergirl45 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It may be that he is going through some kind of phase. He may of met someone at work that has caught his attention. Or he could be like a lot of Internet people and started going into chat rooms, got hooked on it, and started talking to a lot of different women and now he thinks the grass is greener on the other side.
I know a lot of people who were totally happy until they got a computer and one partner started spending a lot of time in chat rooms.
It has been the down fall of a lot of couples. It seems like they get totally hooked on it and can no longer tell reality from fiction.
They do not understand that on the computer you can be whomever you want to be. A man could actually be a woman and vise versa, a teenager can be grown, a construction worker can be a doctor.
And some people never learn. They go from one relationship to another with people that they met online.
It is really strange, and I think it is absolutely crazy.
But it does happen, I have seen it to many times.
Even my own daughter has become hooked on the chat rooms and has been in probably 10 relationships in the last year. It frightens me to death that one day I will get a phone call saying she is dead by the hands of someone she met online.
But she will not listen to me and believes that it is perfectly safe.
2006-08-20 15:28:43 · answer #1 · answered by ETxYellowRose 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It used to be called the seven year itch.
Obviously communication needs to be improved. Unusual about the intimacy thing... usually that falls apart as well.
You say you are happy but sounds like something is missing for him.
Take some time between just you two... go for lunch or something/ picnic at park and talk!
Mid life crisis could be it... he realizes he's not going to change/rule the world and thinks to be rejuvenated through a 'new' relationship. God help him as he'll find hell that way.
If you two do talk(not yell, sex, fight, etc) and WORK at it you'll
be able to see your happy daughter graduate. Your daughter may know what's going on so in a 'sneaky' sideways approach she may shed some light or already know anyway... though I would not start the conversation with your Dads divorcing...
People grow apart when you don't pay attention... even doing the right things like working and sleeping and raising kids etc.
Are you happy? Are you trying to make him into your idea of what he should be? Do you trust him to visit friends without you? Does he you?
Good luck and I hope you all work it out. If it doesn't try to stay civil and sane for it'll be HARD for you all and your daughter's experience is limited.
Let him get that motorcycle... it'll be a blast for you both! Take safety course and practice before hitting traffic OR doubling up.
Get two and tell your daughter when shes older-good grades/behaviour... just a thought. Good luck.
2006-08-20 14:00:56 · answer #2 · answered by uncledad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to move your Ship from port and sail away my love. There is an open Sea to visit of many people and much more better than what you are in right now.
Sometimes a Man just gets so caught up in his own life he forgets where he came from and even forgets his wife. He tired of her, she doesn't taste good anymore, he's tried of the same ole same ole, he wants new voices, new cry;'s of the seuxal endeavor a younger Wine to fullfill his legacy of love that goes nowhere.
A real Man will cherish his wife and love till the end no matter what. It doesn't matter how may times you have sex, but it never dies and is always beautiful as if the frist day you had sex.
When that feeling dies in one or the other, peace outside the home is bad. You have a failed marriage in play and all because he wants fresh meat! A very stupid reason for a Man to leave his wife alone, because someone else will find her attractive and he will lose.
For now, he has probably tasted a younger Woman that is thrilling him to extcitement. She has taken advanatge...a home wrecker is what I call them, she wants your man and will get him because what is bewteen her legs, but when he is through with her, he will leave her too! He'
s a sick Man and needs help that can't give him.
2006-08-16 04:16:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what happens when communication dies. One party thinks everything is fine and dandy when in fact the other is unhappy for one reason or another. Your husband could've handled this a lot better. He could've at least initiated communication with you to let you know he's unhappy and why. I don't know what he means by "you took me away from being me". You need to ask him that yourself. And while you're at it, let him know you had no idea he was so unhappy and ask if he's willing to work on the marriage one more time. If he's interested, you have to find out what it is that he needs from you. Obviously if he's so dead set on getting a divorce anyway, there's nothing you can do but to let him go.
2006-08-12 21:25:21 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out, see a lawyer, freeze the bank accounts, change the locks, change the credit card numbers, change the phone number, have him pay all the bills, ask for allimony and child support, get residential custody, get a day time job, see a counselor, get the divorce, take a nice trip and enjoy your freedom! Obviously, this was not the marriage of your dreams.
2006-08-20 16:24:49 · answer #5 · answered by floridagirl2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry.
It probably isn't you at all. It's him, it's that you all didn't have a strong religious and family life.
Go ahead and let him divorce. Find yourself a wonderful new guy, or just enjoy being free. Join a support group. Divorce is known to be hard on the health, if you're stressed and depressed.
Hang in there, cat.
2006-08-19 21:46:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes men just get scared they realize that this it for the rest of his life this is who he'll be with.I went through the same thing with my husband. Give him the space he needs and some time try seperating for a while so you can both figure out exactly what it is you want. Your husband may just want to do the single thing for awhile and if he reallly loves you he'll come back but girl if he doesnt dont waste your life with someone who doesnt care because you will stay misreable and upset and thats reallly not fair to anyone in this situation
2006-08-19 03:17:35 · answer #7 · answered by shorty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't the two of you sit down and discuss this with one another calmly & logically! There has to be a logical reason for this to be happening! If you think that your marriage is doing fine, then why don't you ask him and find out why he thinks that it is not? The two of you have been together for 9yrs, and you have a 12yr old daughter together! That should account for something!!!!!! I really hope that the two of you can come out of this situation without having to end it in a divorce!!!!!!!
Good Luck!
2006-08-17 07:39:53 · answer #8 · answered by bigred 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be asking your husband what happened, how can he say "you took him away from being him." There is a big communication gap here. You both need to sit and talk about this, even if you need to go to counseling or clergy before you take the next step. Sometimes the marriage is worth saving.
2006-08-20 14:58:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He means that he feels you change who he is. This may also mean he has met some woman who has put these silly ideas in his head. Because you have child see a member of the clergy or a family therapist. Be careful on the therapist some will encourage divorce. Also do something special for him that will let him know how important he is to you. good luck
2006-08-12 20:56:16 · answer #10 · answered by trailsman1961 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋