Please read patiently if these sentences have any errors. I need to submit my school ideas by tomorrow and have some problems with my wordings!! Please correct to the BEST you can. 10 points for best. THANKS.
A pillar that stands tall and erect, symbolizes the strong foundation. A concept of blue, elicits a simple yet elegant sense surrounding the area.
Behind the transparent design, a life philosophy revealed. It assents the architectural design in exhibiting the virtue of aptitude development to an unlimited extent.
Located at Maine road, we are proud to present our U.S 6th Aztech automobile grand showroom which is now officially launched for exhibition spectacular.
To put our best foot forward, we aspire to serve our customer with hospitality and attentive in mind. Customers not only can look forward to our courteous and feel-at-home after-sales-services, they can also expect our undaunted spirit in providing professionalism in automobile repairs and services.
2006-08-12 20:26:06 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Business & Finance ➔ Advertising & Marketing
1. " A pillar that stands tall and erect, symbolizes the strong foundation. A concept of blue, elicits a simple yet elegant sense surrounding the area."
1a. The pillar that stands tall and erect symbolizes a strong foundation. The concept of blue elicits a simple yet elegant sense which surrounds the area.
2. "Behind the transparent design, a life philosophy revealed. It assents the architectural design in exhibiting the virtue of aptitude development to an unlimited extent."
2a. Behind the transparent design, a life philosophy is revealed. It accents the architectural design by exhibiting a virtue of aptitude development to an unlimited extent.
3. "Located at Maine road, we are proud to present our U.S 6th Aztech automobile grand showroom which is now officially launched for exhibition spectacular."
3a. We are proud to present our 6th U.S. Aztec automobile grand showroom, located on Maine road. It is now officially launched for a spectacular exhibition. (I wasn't too sure what you were saying by "exhibition spectacular"... hope this makes sense).
4. "To put our best foot forward, we aspire to serve our customer with hospitality and attentive in mind. Customers not only can look forward to our courteous and feel-at-home after-sales-services, they can also expect our undaunted spirit in providing professionalism in automobile repairs and services."
4a. As we put our best foot forward, aspiring to serve our customers with hospitality and an attentive mind is our priority. In addition to our courtesy and feel at home after sales services, our customers can look forward to our professionalism during automobile repairs and services. (maybe you'd like to add a word that positively describes the quality of the repairs and services? "professionalism" is a quality that your company offers in general. i took out "undaunted spirit... IMO, i sounded overly desciptive).
good luck!
2006-08-12 21:12:01 · answer #1 · answered by charwants2know 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good start. Looks like you're doing some persuasive promotional writing? Try this.
A pillar stands tall and erect, symbolizing a strong foundation. A concept of blue surrounding the area elicits a simple, yet elegant feeling.
Behind the transparent design, a life philosophy is revealed. [It assents the architectural design in exhibiting the virtue of aptitude development to an unlimited extent.] (I'd rethink this whole paragraph. Most people aren't going to understand what you're talking about)
Located at Maine Road, we are proud to present our U.S 6th Aztech Automobile Grand Showroom, now officially launched for Exhibition Spectacular. (Is this the proper name of the show? If yes, capitialize it and make it seem important)
We [insert company name, use We at, The Sales Department at, etc.] always put our best foot forward, aspiring to serve our customers with conscientious hospitality. Customers not only feel at home with us, but also look forward to our courteous after-the-sale service. Our customers know they can expect our undaunted spirit in providing professionalism in automobile repair and service.
2006-08-13 07:21:40 · answer #2 · answered by I'm so crafty, I make people 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Toss the first 2 commas. "... elicits a sense"? Sense of what? You cannot elicit an adjective. You elicit a thing, a noun. From "behind" to 'revealed', there is no verb. This is not a sentence and makes no sense. "Assents" is not a word. Look it up. What are you trying to say? The next sentence is pure BS. It says nothing at all. Drop the period behind the 'U' or put one behind the 'S' also. Is 'automobile' part of the name? If so, remember - all names are capitalized. "... launched for exhibition spectacular" make no sense at all. 'Attentive' is an adjective. You can't "serve with attentive" any more than you can "elicit a sense". "Undaunted spirit" - isn't that a little heavy to describe your garage?
Pompous, big words do not communicate anything but ignorance. Sorry. My advice? Go back to school, or hire a real copy writer to write your add. If I read this in a brochure or on a sign, I would laugh out loud, and NEVER step inside a place that tolerated this kind of illiteracy.
You're not serious about using this drivel, are you?
2006-08-12 21:17:11 · answer #3 · answered by MaqAtak 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need for the comma after blue in the second sentence. The third sentence needs "is" after philosophy. I don't understand the fourth sentence. There should be a comma after showroom. Exhibition Spectacular should be capitalized, unless it isn't an event, in which case you need to define what exhibition spectacular is. "To put our best foot forward" can be deleted. Attentive should be attentiveness. The last sentence should probably be divided into two sentences. It tends to run too long.
Hope this helps.
2006-08-12 20:36:13 · answer #4 · answered by Skylark 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normally Aztec is spelled without the "h". The word should be attentiveness and for some strange reason dealerships refer to it as automotive repair and service. Other than that everything looks OK.
2006-08-12 20:37:33 · answer #5 · answered by eyeque195 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happygirl820 wrote is the correct one. I was just about to write it out almost exactly as she did until I saw what she wrote so figured, rather than have 2 of us doing the same thing I'd just tell you. She deserves 10 points!
2006-08-16 06:13:46 · answer #6 · answered by BevD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sentences are all grammatically correct....Tell your teacher I done said so.
2006-08-12 20:29:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep saying the sentences outloud until you hear what is incorrect.....
2006-08-12 20:38:41 · answer #8 · answered by Happy Summer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋