to throw her out or not???

Question

my wife has "met " someone online. i just found out recently and even though i still care i want to let her go. i have worked and paid for everything 99% of the last 14 years. she is too busy to care for our 2 young children and makes our older one take care of them when i am at work and out running erands etc>>>>she is too tired to do anything around the house because she is up all hours talking to this ""man "" on email.
i am only here temporarily here because i do not want my kids to be neglected and i want them to have as much normalcy as they can. i told her that she will have to get a job and put the kids in daycare and she said she won't,because she has been a stay at home mom and that is all she knows.
i have been there now to comfort her because of what is going on because she cries and i stick up for her to anybody that says anything bad just to keep the peace.
her sister told me i should throw her out and fight for custody of our kids. please help!!!

Answer 1

First and foremost, the children. Any decision you make should be based on what's the best for your kids. I couldn't make a decision such as throwing your children's mother out based on a short paragraph like this. I realize you did your best to summarize your situation, however, I am sure there's more to it than just this. OK, so she's gone down the wrong path with an email love affair - are you SURE that's what's going on? Has she even met this guy? Is this her way of trying to get your attention? Apparently, it worked if that's what she's doing. She sounds like she needs psychological help to me. If you're both so terribly unhappy and there's no way to work it out, I think you need to be smart about your next move and not do anything out of haste. Yeah, you're hurt. You have a right to be, but don't let your hurt turn the situation into something that could have a life long traumatizing effect on your innocent children. If their mother's not thinking clearly now, you're the one who's going to need to in order to protect them and parent them lovingly. I don't believe a loving father would ever kick his children's mother out onto the street. That wouldn't be good for the kids and it will make them resent you. Remember, they love their mommy no matter what she does and will not understand why you're being 'mean' to her. It will make you look bad in their eyes if you do anything to hurt her. As I said, I suggest that you base all of your actions in the best interest of your children. Be smart and be careful. Her sister's advice? Who cares? She's not a very good sister if you ask me for telling you to throw her own sibling out. It sounds like she has alterior motives.

Good luck, I know it's hard. Hang in there....

Answer 2

Very complicated stuff. What is she missing out on from you, which has made her resort to speaking with some stranger online?

It's going to be hard if you 'throw her out' since you have young children. Just imagine the hell of divorce with kids, the custody nightmares, almost anything is better than that. You have to insist that she come with you to couples counselling. Explain to her how seriously unhappy you are at the moment, but that you value her so highly you're willing to do anything to revive the marriage. It's awful for you that she's talking to someone else online, but it may be just a friendship; it's not likely that she'd actually go and meet this guy, in my view.
It isn't what you're doing that has made her do this; it's what you're not doing. Ask her what she is not getting from you that this other online guy is giving her. Explain that she doesn't have the right to 'meet' someone online while she is married to you, and that you won't put up with it. Go to a really good counsellor together and try hard to make it work. Remember you have to earn your way out of marriage by trying as hard as possible to fix it first.
Good luck, and good night.

Answer 3

Very tough situation... I feel for you, but the sister's suggestion sounds like the best route. The kids will suffer at first, but when things settle down, and they are older, they will understand. If you stay in the situation you are in - it really isn't helping the kids, and definitely not setting a good example to them.
Try to be strong - I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. All the best, and just remember - Your kids are first, then you!!!

Answer 4

GET OUT OF THERE! The longer you stay, the easier you are making it for her to have her cake and eat it too. She chose this path so now she better figure out a way to make it work. You are enabling her to be this way. Either force her to be a real woman or lay down the law and make her end this Net relationship...but don't stick around because you want normalcy for the kids. This is anything but normal. You'd be doing them a favor by teaching them to stand up for what's right.

Answer 5

I was in the same situation a few yrs back. Look every marriage isn't going to be a bed of roses. you two need to get some type of counseling. KEEP family members out of your personal affairs for this only makes matters worse. theres always two sides to every story. putting her out is only meaning you're running or neglecting your obligations to your wife. are you making her feel unwanted? try and put some romance back into your relationship. and seems to me that the sister may want to be in wifes affairs too much. seek counseling, at least give it a try.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Sounds like a one way marriage from the start. She's like a selfish child who's been allowed to have her way for too long. I say, try to work things out first. Speak with her get to know her side of the story. Find out what's missing in your marriage and work on that. If you have done everything you can and nothing changes, then it's time to give it up. There is no point in trying to help someone who won't help themselves, especially an adult who refuses to grow up and be one.

Answer 7

listen to your self have you gone crazy who is telling all this stuff to you your wife is doing her job as a house wife you said you do 99% that is not true and you know it leave her alone and do your best to get back on her good side she is not leaving and tell her sister to mind her own business she don't know what goes on in your house and why don't you help more with the kids if you did your job in the love department she would not chat on line you go talk to her and no one is moving out of the house and if you don't like what i just said email me at [e-mail] and ill tell you some more this is bull

Answer 8

its hard, dont make a hasty decision. you cant just let her get away with it though. express your concerns to her if ur relationship is going work then she will be sorry. work it out between you guys on what has to change and when. but remember it is the nature of all progress that it will be slow and painful.

if she doesn't want to listen or change then leave but record her web convos, chat times and durations and other details in a diary so if and when you do go for custody and divorce then she wont be able to screw you over for the second time around.

Answer 9

Divorce was the worst thing I've experienced. BUT, I'm glad I got divorced. You should toss her out. Yup, you'll get screwed in the divorce. Accept that. Yes, fight for custody. Things aren't going to get better, until and unless you change things. Move out. NOW. Give her NOTHING that you aren't required to give her. I got to have my daughter after the divorce, and am now remarried and happy. Life is too short to waste your time. Let the wife sink or swim. Don't "Stay for the kids"

Answer 10

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