I do not live with my wife for 7 years. I visited her occassionaly but never had sex with her. I separated the day I realized that she only needs me for her comfort and security and does not love me. I was isolated from my family, friends and society. Any way I have 2 children from her and love them very much. They were very young and I did not want to hurt them by talking and taking divorce. Now they are grown up and I have a girlfriend. She has been accepted by my family too. My kids are in boarding school and I have never spoken to them about the girl friend.
My wife still stays in my house and I pay all the expenses. I know she will never divorce. And I want to live my life with my girlfriend & kids, whom I love very much. How to tell my kids as I want them to accept my girl friend and how to convince my wife to divorce me?
2006-08-12 19:00:13 · 18 answers · asked by Classic101 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Common law. Which State are you live in? In some states, if you have seperated for 7 years or over, you are divorced anyway.
2006-08-12 19:02:41 · answer #1 · answered by Mimi 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like she gets to have her cake and eat it too. The only way to get a divorce is to file for one. One of the reasons why she may contest the divorce is as a revenge against you. Or in this case, monetary support. Afterall, she gets to live in your house without paying a dime. At any rate you need to get some kind of mediation involved in the process. I don't know what state you live in but since you've been separated this long, you're probably considered divorced already. Check with your state laws regarding divorce issues.
Another thing, you need to let your children in on your new relationship. One way to break the ice is to invite both of them for dinner somewhere (just you and your two children) and tell them all about it. The next step is to introduce them to your new girlfriend, in that way you're breaking it in gently. Since your children are grown, they might be more open and understanding about this. Good luck!
2006-08-13 02:38:12 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are kinda putting the cart before the horse on this one. In other words, you ought to end one relationship before you jump into another. Don't get me wrong, the situation is what it is and the two of you lead separate lives...I get that. I am just trying to say that in fairness to your new girlfriend, out of respect for your children, and decency to everyone this is going to affect, you are going to have to file for divorce. It's not up to your wife to give you one. Times have changed. Divorce is filed as no-fault in just about every state. Which means most of the time, you don't have to have a reason. I have a feeling though, that your not dealing with the situation earlier was brought upon by guilt....and it shouldn't be. People change and they grow apart from one another...it happens all the time. Your wife is a grown women, she can take care of herself, and she'll do it if she has to. Right now she has you doing it and paying for it all...why would she want to screw that up? If you are still on talking terms, sit her down and explain it to her...offer her a sweet deal to help her get back on her feet. And then move on.
2006-08-13 02:27:41 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been separated for 7 years so just file for divorce, it will be granted regardless of what your wife wants, she doesn't HAVE to agree. When thats done and over with introduce your kids to your gf, they aren't going to be shocked they know you and your wife having been living as a married couple and are probably wondering what you are waiting for.
2006-08-13 02:06:35 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop paying all the expenses. Then let her know that if she will give you a divorce then you will start paying again. I am sure she will go for it since all you were to her was security.
2006-08-13 02:05:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would seek out a lawyer - there's different options and you can sue her for several things.
That's probably the ONLY way you're going to get out of the marriage, by legal means!
I'm sorry you were in a loveless marriage - I can't imagine worse. I feel badly for you and hope you can get outa this mess soon. Good luck w/your future!
2006-08-13 02:03:49 · answer #6 · answered by penwrite5 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give you wife everything if she gives you a divorce. Also in the divorce make it so you don't have to give her anything else, but the material things.
2006-08-13 02:05:08 · answer #7 · answered by crafty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be totally honest with them. And ask your wife to go to a therapist with you , her and your children. and seperately ask him/her about the gf situation.
and if you've fiiled for a seperation you can get a divorce it will be an protested one which will be harder and sstuff, but get a lawyer. and talk to ur kids about it. if the wife refuses to do it then you and the kids do it.
2006-08-13 03:01:20 · answer #8 · answered by SEXY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT get a divorce. Divorce is ALWAYS wrong. You misunderstood your wife when you left her. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. Trust me; I know. I've FELT out of love with my husband several times in our 13+ years of marriage. BUT... when I ACT in love towards him (by being kind, patient, and not being proud or rude, etc.), then my heart follows and I FEEL love towards him. That is what has happened with this mistress of yours. You have ACTED lovingly towards her and your heart has followed. You have robbed your wife of the love she deserves from you by the definition of marriage!
Even though your heart is tied up with this mistress, you CAN do the right thing, if you are only man enough to. Go back to your wife, tell her that you don't love her but that you are willing to TRY to love her. THEN, begin the process of loving her by actually acting in loving ways towards her. I PROMISE you that your heart and her heart also will change.
Many blessings!
2006-08-13 02:12:01 · answer #9 · answered by MomWtrmn 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it is painful on yr part being so caring & all are grownup & as a Head of a family, you should boldly & cautiously end this relationship with yr legal wife & start life a fresh with yr gf & childrens which you thinks you love them most.
2006-08-13 02:05:38 · answer #10 · answered by Goosters 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋