Hi everyone, please help me with my poem
This poem is about ak47 and how it has been seen wrongly by the world.
It was October, year 1947 and 1,
A weapon was born and our hearts it won,
Beautifully crafted with iron and steel,
blessed by the Russians with the gift to kill,
Many has tried and all has fail,
Only in the hand of one will it prevail,
One who can tame the fiercest tigers,
With a good sight of aim,
And a man who knows no pain,
All is left is for ak47 to do wonders,
AK47 you are my beauty, You are my curse,
as i plant the bomb in the body of a corpse,
I have nothing else to say but to wrap it up,
Make a small prayer to God, and blew it up.
2006-08-12 18:38:52 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Wait wait. I know some of you must think im crazy to write about ak47. But im not im sriting coz i play game and i love to use that weapon in game.
Thank you for the rest who post some helps and tips. More pls.
2006-08-12 18:59:36 · update #1
Im a 12 year old kid, im sorry my english is weak. But i have to write a poem which i did but all i need now is just some feedbacks and some help abit here and there. Hope im not asking for too much.
2006-08-12 19:17:49 · update #2
nice but ended too fast
2006-08-12 18:46:01 · answer #1 · answered by HAPPY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blew should be changed to blow.
It is now 2006, shift the time frame of the poem to the here and now, that should form part of your last paragraph. In year 2007, the bomb would have been 60 years old. Go ahead and add this time element.
2006-08-12 19:12:34 · answer #2 · answered by chelsea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you angry? Did you not get enough attention when you were little? Is there a father-figure in your life? I write a lot of poetry and not once have I thought of using a weapon for my subject matter. I strongly believe that if you are devoting so much time to this poem, you are somewhat disturbed. Try getting a woman in your life and find something real to write about... like LIFE, love, etc.
2006-08-12 18:55:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey that poem was good
even though there are some english grammer mistakes thats okay i still like it
and all those ppl who were negative about your poetry are crazy
they only have the brains to write about ordinary stuff like love and life
it takes great imagination and insight to write about an unorthodox topic
Well done
2006-08-13 01:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by Elfryth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your "poem" is beyond help. I think it would be more appropriate if you called it a joke. It's slightly funny, like your feeble command of the English language.
2006-08-12 19:12:59 · answer #5 · answered by tizzoseddy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the 2nd stanza change "has tried" and "has fail" to "Have tried" and "have failed"....except that messes up your rhyme scheme with "prevail"....hmmm....
change "hand" to "hands"
that's all I have, hope it helped!
2006-08-12 18:55:57 · answer #6 · answered by ladybugbaby161 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pretty cool..you should wright lyrics to music...i like it the way it is...
2006-08-12 18:51:08 · answer #7 · answered by back1breaker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's f-ucked
2006-08-12 18:44:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋