Does anyone have any suggestions on "waiting" for the one you love to come back to you?

Question

I just hoped that someone may have a suggestion or tip on being a friend of an ex-partner while the person figures out who they are. Now my ex told me she wanted me back once she figures things out... any tips on how to handle being just friends in such a tough time with someone you love so much?

i just hoped that someone may have a suggestion or tip on being a friend of an ex-partner while the person figures out who they are. Now my ex told me she wanted me back once she figures things out... any tips on how to handle being just friends in such a tough time with someone you love so much? Now some are responding like this is a small relationship... we had been together for nearly 2 years... and almost four years of friendship before that. It has been two months since she told me it was over and we still talk almost weekly about having a future together... its rather confusing... but she is having a hard time with her own stuff... I just want her to have time to figure it out but I am having a hard time being distant from her... suggestions?

---sorry i added those details and didn't mean to add the first one again... my bad
thanks alot everyone

Answer 1

be the best friend to them you can be but give them space so they can figure things out. gonna be hard though

Answer 2

I agree with Olivia B. Its going to be hard for u. Maybe she just needs time to herself right now. Be the best friend that u can be. U have to be friends anyway before really having a good relationship. I wasnt in such a great relationship myself. My ex still thinks im gonna take him back after he was so mean to me. I know thats not your case or anything. Just give her the space. If things were meant to be then it will keep on happenen....

Answer 3

Let me tell you something, when you love someone you know it FOR SURE. You don't need time to find yourself, I mean if you can love you are at least mentally mature to know where your place in life is. If not then I think that if you love someone you would want that person by your side through your search for meaning. That's my opinion. Now a days it is so hard to understand the concept of I love you but I don't want anything right now, I mean what is up with that. Majority of the times people don't want a commitment because they have things that they want to do or because of fear. I think you should just give her room, like a lot. I personally, don't want to be with someone as "friends" when what we do and feel is like more than that. It's just as bad as the gf moving in with the bf without being married, that's like a freebie for the bf. Good luck with everything, think with your head on situations like these.

Answer 4

My bf and I live in different countries. It is hard when you are impatient like me to wait for somebody so long. He is still trying to figure out who he is and what he wants in life. I already know what I want but I have to wait till he decides where he wants to be and what he wants to do. I'd say be patient and be a friend to her for as long as you can stand it. If you really love each other, it will work out in the end. My bf and I love each other deeply. We have been together nearly 3 years. We wanna get together but things aren't going too well with him at the moment. I am in a jam as well cause I can't afford to go visit him right now. Have a talk with her and tell her how you feel. If you were meant to be then you will be together. Good luck!

Answer 5

If you love someone and they come back it was meant to be. If they don't come back think about how good it was and move on. It sounds like the person is trying to see if they are really ready for a serious relationship. Give them a little time then make a decision. Is that something you really want with that person. Are the really worth the wait. What are they doing to find out these things. Something to think about. I had Someone do that to me and they were gone for a year. But they were not alone the whole time. But they did come back, but a little too late.

Answer 6

You know I get so sick of hearing that crap. I got the same line but I know what that means. It means basically she doesn't want to be tied to you in a relationship but if you'll hang around until she gets good and ready then maybe she'll consider you. It's not fair to put your life on hold while she plays you like a fool. What happens to you when she finds someone else and you're left hanging? You'll feel like a schmuck and be angry and hurt because you did the friend thing while hoping to get her back. You need to move on. It's virtually impossible to go back to being friends once you've been a couple and I'm sure she knows that. Maybe you should date and is she really wants another chance with you she'll come back on her own.

Answer 7

You'll find out that real love will see you through what you think you are not capable of. Being anyones friend means to love them, and back them up when they need you, but I would be worried if she ends up taking advantage of you, as is human nature. Protect yourself, and above all else, keep the lines of communications open. Sometimes that is not so easy, but nothing that is worth anything ever is. Don't become frustrated, and don't push, and don't be afraid to let go if it comes to that. You know, and I am not just saying this, the right one will come along so don't be disillusioned either. This will be great practice for that one if the one you are loving now turns out not to be. Give it all you got and I'll pray that it works out for you.

Answer 8

I n a relationship , you figure out stuff, like problems TOGETHER!! Not a part!! Most will use this excuse, saying they need time alone to think because they want to break up with you or they have someone else they like are they are confused as to which one they want to be with!! What could her problems be that you and her together can't work on?? She is putting you on hold, while she figures things out??? That is just crazy!!! You can't put someone on hold !!!! You shouldn't allow her to do you that way!! You need to start dating again, it's been two months?? and she still hasn't figurred it out!!! Come on, wake up, for real!!! I'm sorry but you need to wake- up and and smell that rat!!!!!!!!! Something's not right here!! Just talking about getting back togehter and doing it , is two different things! You have to give her a choice, Make up or Break up !!! Tell her you have to move on if you two can't work out your problems together, like real couples do!!! What if you were married for 5 or 10 yrs and the she left and told you she had to figure out her life?? Sounds like she has alreay figured out something, she left you, and now she's got you waiting on her like a puppy wagging it's tail!!!

Answer 9

Just to be clear, if you don't feel like my opinion on this applies to you, don't take it too seriously... A lot of girls, or people in general, will say they want to go on break or take some time off while they 'figure things out' or something along those lines. That's really just a 'diet break up'. You're as good as broken up, but this way she's not delivering it all in one punch. She's hoping that in time you'll just forget about her so she doesn't have to actually say it's over. As far as how to handle yourself while you're on this 'break', I think you should go out and have fun. I mean sure, be a friend to her or whatever. Don't put your life on hold! You will regret it if you do. The worst part is that she could lead you on for a month with you simply just putting your life on hold waiting for her before she finally gets rid of you for good or it could be a full year of you wasting away your life waiting on her. Maybe I'm wrong and she really will get back together with you.. even so, this time right now is still your time. Enjoy it as best you can. Try to get over this girl. And like I said a few times, I could be wrong, but I believe this relationship is over whether you know it or not.
Update: In light of your additional thoughts on some of the responses you got: I understand that this wasn't a fling. This is a serious relationship. Very serious. Everything I said above is still true though. BUT if you decide to continue with the friend route, I've been there and done it and in all honesty I don't think I have much 'good' advice for you there. If you're still in love with her and she wants to put the romantic side of the relationship on the backburner and keep it 'just friend' status for now... I can't do much more for you other than wish you the best of luck. ONE thing I will say is don't seem like that 'lost puppy' to her that follows her around or don't ask her constantly if she's ready to get back together. Give it time and do your absolute best to 'just be her friend' for as long as you can/as long as she needs. The reason I say this is I've known many people who have said what she's said leaving their partner in situations simliar to yours and during that time the other person seemed very needy, sad that they weren't together, not fun to be around but instead almost a chore to be around, etc. I'm not sure if I'm making sense here.. The person in your situation basically drove the other one away while they were trying to get things back to a romantic relationship. I don't know if it would have worked out otherwise or not, but just saying don't push her away by trying to pull her in too hard. Just do the whole friend thing as best you can for as long as you can. Best of luck.

Answer 10

it sounds a lot like me. I would be your gf in this situation. I was together with my boyfriend for two years. still in love but confused I left him to see the world, alone. it took me four years (don't panic yet) When far away from home I kept on talking about him wherever I was. One day we 'internet- met' again. Few months after I came home. I had no home here since I left for so long, things seemed better than before so I moved in with him. Today, one year later, he does not understand what I have seen and done. He doesn't see I have changed. I have, cause that is the reason why I left, I had to find myself. I couldn't be me with him, and today I still can't. WHat I would advice you is to not let her slip away. Try not to worry too hard about her, it looks like she wants to find herself by herself. tell her you'll be there when she needs you, but that you think it is better to leave her be until she contacts you. if that is ok by her. You'll see if she panics or reacts relieved if you ask/tell her something like this.

Answer 11

Yes, by allowing yourself NOT to wait and to decide to be WHOLE without her. If she doesn't know who she is by now, then who is it that you are in love with? The make up break up relationship, the stringing along, the heartbreak of it all... I was there and it lasted 3 years. As soon as I got out AS SOON I found true love and it found me. Sorry hunny. It cannot work out that way. Begin to mend your precious heart by moving along. If you don't believe ME, ask the LORD our God to reveal to YOU who she is. You may not like what you see, but when you have the truth then you can be truer to yourself.
Peace baby