Im bored. Someone tell me something funny to cheer me up please!!!?

Question

kat+david=♥ was so stupid it was funny. i laughed. you win. now i have a smile on because of that stupid "joke".

so far... kat wins but i dont know yet

Answer 1

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages. I hope, it helps u.

Answer 2

President Bush sat at the table with his National Security Council for a meeting on Iraq.

The President was upbeat at the beginning of the meeting and greeted everyone with a smile, a wink, and he tossed out a couple of short jokes.

Then he turned to Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld and asked for the latest update. Rumsfeld looked at Bush, adjusted his glasses, read from hius briefing sheet, and told the President that he had just been informed that three Brazilian peacekeepers had just been killed.

Bush's faced turned from upbeat to deadpan. The colored drained from his face immediately and with shoulders slumped, he looked down into his lap.

Everyone in the room watched in silence, wondering what was happening. When Bush finally looked up, he looked in emotional anguish and pain. He glanced slowly around the table, and with a hint of bravery and nerves of steel, he asked "can somebody please tell me how much a brazillion is?"

Answer 3

go watch Roll Bounce....it's a pretty funny movie.

Answer 4

So I opened my fridge and the rump roast fell out and started farting.















just in case you didn't know,
a rump roast is a pigs butt

Answer 5

JOKE:why did the chicken cross the road??


this is a good one!




















































































ooo isnt the suspense killing you?





















































































answer: cuz it felt like it

HAHAHAHAHA!! so funnnyyyy!!!!!

Answer 6

dang im bored

Answer 7

something.....


Did it cheer you up?
I hope so cause i got nothing else ^ ^.

Answer 8

look at the mirror.

Answer 9

read these

LITTLE TONY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married ?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose! the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."


LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father ?

"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.

"But that's right !" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"

"What's the ******** difference ?" asks the father.

"That's what I said !"



LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"

TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little

TONY, that's a mouthful."

Little TON Y says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow.job."



LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR


Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tit.s, you'd be a TEN !"



LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR


One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie,"! replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael !" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just ******** beautiful !'"




LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time ?"
Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own ******** business."'



A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.


Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."


"Darn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"


"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"


"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"


"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"


"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."



Once there was a rich dude who owned a huge mansion, lots of cars, was an alcoholic, and smoked crack. He even had a huge pool which he filled with hundreds of alligators.

One day he was having a pool party and everyone got drunk and high. After a while the rich guy stood up on a table and made a speech. He said, "Anyone who swims across my pool will get my house. No one jumped in. Then he said, "Anyone who swims across my pool gets my house and my cars. No one jumped. "Anyone who swims across my pool gets my house, my cars, alcohol, and my cars." No one jumped in. "Anyone who swims across my pool gets my house, my cars, my alcohol, and my crack. He heard a splash and looked up.

He saw a guy jump into the pool. Alligators were on him in a second, but this guy did tarzan moves, wrestled alligators, etc. Finally, he climbed out on the other side. The rich dude walked around and said, "That was amazing. I never thought anyone would do that! When do you want my house?" The guy said "I don't want your house." "When do you want my cars?" "I don't want your cars." " When do you want my alcohol? "I don't want your alcohol." When do you want my crack?" "I don't want you crack." "Well, what do you want?" "I want the freaking bastard who pushed me in!"






voodoo di.ck

There was this man and woman, and they were married. Well, the woman was always horny and wanted sex all the time. The husband had to go away on a business trip and needed something to keep his wife satisfies until he got back. He went to a pleasure place looking for dildos. He walked in and asked to see all the dildos. the man took all of them out except for one. the man told him he wanted to see the one in the box. the man said that it wasn't for sale. He finally talked him into taking it out and looking at it. the man said,"this is a voodoo di.ck. let me demonstrate. Voodoo di.ck the keyhole." the voodoo di.ck went over to the door and started doing to keyhole. the man said,"voodoo di.ck back in your box." Well the man finally talked him into letting him buy the voodoo di.ck. He took it home and told his wife that whenever she got horny just say voodoo di.ck my puss.y. he left and she got really horny and said,"voodoo di.ck my pus.sy." well she had an orgasm and wanted it to stop. she couldn't get it to stop, she tried pulling at it hitting it and everything. she got in her car to go to the doctor to see if hecould stop it. her foot kept hitting the gas really hard and a cop pulled her over. he asked her what she was doing and she told him about the voodoo di.ck. The cop smurked and said,"yeah, voodoo di.ck my a.ss."!!!!


Why did Disney fire Cinderella?

Because she kept sitting on Pinnochio's nose and making him tell lies.


Monique walked in to a sexshop. She told the shop assistant she wanted to buy a dildo, the man said far wall right hand side we have lots to choose from. So she began to choose. Green ones... pink ones.... but jordan says she wants the red one and the shop assistant says there must be some mistake thats the fire extinguisher.


Little Mary was never good in Sunday School,
so she decided to sleep through class, but 1
day the teacher asked her a question "Mary
who created the universe?" Mary never moved
from her deep sleep, so johnny a little boy
who sits behind her in class took his pen
and poked her with it and Mary jumed up and
yelled "God almighty" and the techer told
her it was correct. A little while later
the teacher asked her another question
"Mary, who is our lord and savior?" again
Mary never answered so Johnny poked her
with his pen again and Mary jumps up and
yells "Sweet Jesus!!" the teacher told her
it was correct so Mary went back to sleep.
The teacher her asked her a 3rd question,
"Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after they
had their 23rd child?" So 1 last time Johnny
pokes Mary with his pen 1 last time, but
this time Mary jumps up and yells
"If you stick that damn thing in me 1 more
time I'm gonna break it in half!!"
Then the teacher faints.



A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find that it overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"

The blind man replies: "if you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"


One day, superman was flieing and he saw
Wonder Woman laying naked on the roof of
her house. He thought, "I wonder if I can
go down there and screw Wonder Woman so fast
without her knowing what happened." So he did.
A few seconds after Superman flew away, Wonder
Woman asked, "What was that?" the Invisable
Man said, "I don't know, but my as.s really hurts."


The next time you are having a bad day, imagine this:

You are a Siamese Twin.

Your brother, attached at your shoulder is gay.

You are not.

He has a date coming over tonight.

You only have one a.ss.



Cinderella was ready to go to the ball and she got a problem, her period!She didnt know what to do! so her fairy godmother comes and says whats wrong Cinderella why are you crying? Cinderella says im sad i just got my period and now i cant go to the ball! Her fairy godmother says "here this will make everything all better, its a magic tampon!"" but you have to be back at 12:00 pm or it will turn into a pumpkin!" Cinderella says ok and sticks it in and goes to the ball! well its 12:00 and Cinderella isnt there her fairy godmother is wondering why she isnt at home yet, ok now its 1:00 and she is still not home , ok now its 3:00 am and Cinderella finally gets home and Her fairy godmother was frantic and says" Cinderella were have you been dont you remember me telling you what would of happened if you didnt come back at 12:00 pm?" cinderella says" dont worry about it i met a guy named PETER!" ( peter peter pumpkin eater)




A boy hears the ice cream truck comming down
the road and runs into his house to ask his
Mom for a dollar. She agree's and gives him
the dollar and with that he takes off running
out the door... just in time to stop the
truck. The ice cream man says: "alright son
what can I get you?" The boy say's: "What do
you have?" Ice cream man say's: "Well...I
have anything you see here...chocolate,
vanilla, and strawberry." The little boy
thinks for a second and finally replies:
"I will have chocolate!" The ice cream man
opens up his chocolate bin and say's: "sorry
son, all out of chocolate." The boy say's:
"you said that I could have anything that I
see here and I see chocolate, I want
chocolate!" The ice cream man looks at the
boy and say's: "but son we are out of
chocolate, wouldn't you like some strawberry
instead?" The boy SCREAMS: "NO! You said I
could have chocolate and that is what I
want!" The ice cream man thinks for a second
and finally say's: "Listen here...do you see
the 'VAN' in vanilla?" The boy say's:
"Yes..." Ice cream man say's: "do you see
the 'STRAW' in strawberry?" Little boy
say's: "Yes...." Ice cream man say's: "do
you see the ' *****' in chocolate?" Little Boy
say's: "UMM, NO!" Ice cream man say's:
"That's cuz, THERE AIN'T NO ******'
CHOCOLATE!"


hope u like them i would put more but then it would be too many