You can't spoil a baby right, but can you make a mother crazy?

Question

Props for all those moms who have the stamina to pick up their babies EVERY TIME THEY CRY. I have nothing against you at all, but I do have a question. If a baby gets used to being picked up every time they cry from birth-forever ever notice how the baby starts to want to be held non stop once they reach 6mo old? I know I've seen a lot of moms SO stressed, I wonder...Is it really "good" for the baby to be held constantly if it's stressing the mother so much? I don't think so I see that a lot of moms, no matter how much they adore their little angel, get very aggitated and can start (without realizing it) building up resentment. So is picking up your child every time they cry really a good thing? I know that babies NEED to cry (a little) for their lungs to develop (prevents SIDS) and as a way to releive stress and get excersize. I trained my babies (4yrs and 6mo) at 3 months and they are scary they are so secure and calm. I don't know if that's why but I'm glad they're so happy.

I picked them each time they cried until they reached 3mo. I would make sure all their needs were met then go work on the house. If they cried I checked on them if nothing was wrong I waited 10min and if they were crying harder at the end of 10 min I picked them up and double checked everything or just held them for a minute. If they were calming down then I would let them be. 90% of the time they were just tired and fell asleep or played. I have a 6 month old and I give her extra hugs and kisses every time I walk by and have a lot more time to play with them both. I know I'm much happier that way and they get much better time from me. Neither of them are big criers and they both sleep through the night. I think being too clingy with your children is a mistake I see that reinforced with a lot of my daycare moms who always feel guilty because their kids cry constanly and their lives are falling apart around them.
Oh and by the way you CAN train a child that's what being a parent is!

Answer 1

you can't spoil a infant under 1 year after that giving in to every cry is spoiling kids do have to have limits so it is up to the parent to set them

Answer 2

Relax. You have to understand, any woman who denies that motherhood is not challenging and denies that their needy infants don't at times aggravate the living tar out of them, then they are liars and something MAJOR is lacking in their lives that they are hoping this poor kid is going to put a band-aid on. Yes, some people (like my cousin) pick their babies up at every whimper. I have found that this is not a good thing. Even a young baby can entertain itself for a little while, while you do something for yourself.

A stressed mother equals a stressed baby. That is likely why the babies of mothers like this tend to whine so much. A) they know they can get the attention, and B) they are feeding off the mother's own insecurities and anxiety. These things may not be obvious to a stranger, but a baby can sense it, and they act upon it.

I have two children, 6 years apart. I think for the most part the ones that cater to a baby's every whim and whimper are new parents unsure of themselves. I found my second baby was a breeze, and my first was an angel anway that rarely cried unless he was dirty!!

It has nothing to do with love. I love my kids to death and I would never do anything to hurt them. But, mommas need to be sane in order to be good mommas. Stress affects the entire family, no matter who is under it. It's not good at all. Some women just suffer from the "mother/martyr" complex, and perhaps, they are trying to be something that they desired in a mother as a young child either consciously, or subconsciously. Maybe their own parents TRULY neglected them, so they are going into overkill with their own child(ren), and that's a horse of an entirely different color. That's a mentaI health issue. I really beleive that's the answer to your question.

Answer 3

I agree. If a mom wants to pick up there baby every time they make a whimper, then they are asking for trouble. It does teach the baby to cry for attention, and want it non stop. It's not good for you or the baby. I think if we really want to do the right things for our children, we will teach them from the get go. Give your child attention and love of course, but maybe do it when they are being calm and quiet. Don't run to them every time you hear a peep. And if your child cries and is already feed and changed, and just wants attention. Than don't run over to them. It doesn't mean you are a bad mommy, I think it means you are a really good mommy. Good question.
:)

Answer 4

I always picked up my girls when they cried but I always had really good babies; they only cried when something was wrong. I don't think there was ever a time that they cried just to hear themselves. My sister in law on the other hand had a daughter that cried just to hear herself. She and my brother in law picked their daughter up every time and now that she's 2 she's so spoiled that my mother in law can't stand to watch her. I feel sorry for my mother in law every time she watches my niece. I have her bring my niece to my house just so she can get a break. I honestly think you can spoil a child and the mother can go crazy over it.

Answer 5

I believe you are referring to Attachment Parenting (AP) mothers when you say "moms who have the stamina to pick up their babies EVERY TIME THEY CRY." Just so you know "Attachment parenting is an approach to raising children rather than a strict set of rules. Certain practices are common to AP parents: they tend to breastfeed, hold their babies in their arms a lot, and practice positive discipline, but these are just tools for attachment, not criteria for being certified as an attached parent. So forget the controversies about breast versus bottle, crying it out or not, and which methods of discipline are acceptable, and go back to the basics. Above all attachment parenting means opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby and letting your knowledge of your child be your guide. In a nutshell, AP is learning to read the cues of your baby and responding appropriately to those cues"(The Attachment Parenting Book: A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby by William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N.). These mothers are simply trying to tend to their children's emotional needs. Six months is about the age that most children develop separation anxiety- they want held a lot because they are afraid that their mommy will disappear. It is only a phase and soon they will want to venture father away from her. If holding her child in her arms is stressing a mother out because she cannot get things done she should invest in a sling or baby carrier of some kind. Most mothers I know are stressed regardless of their parenting style, so no it is not bad for a baby to have a stressed out mom. You can not spoil a baby by holding him or her when he or she cries, it is no different than your friend, spouse, mate, child, parent or any one else hugging you while you are crying. If a woman resents her child for needing her she should not have become a mother.

Answer 6

i don't care what anyone says you can spoil a baby when you pick them up every second and every time they cry or rock them to sleep or sleep with them i never did any of the above with my daughter i would make sure her butt was clean and she was not in pain or hungry and then let her cry it don't hurt them to cry it helps their lungs and my daughter was a very good baby hardly ever cried and i never had a problem leaving her with a baby sitter or family good luck and e-mail or im me if you have any more questions bye

Answer 7

you can spoil your baby,but not to much and only do it when it is necessary.dont get them used to being picked up all the time. i live with a two year old and she wakes up all hours of the night and tells her mom she wants to be held and if her mom dosent than she will scream for like 3 to 4 hours because she is used to being picked up and getting her way and now that their trying not to give her mher way she is becoming more bratty! so i would advise not to spoil your kid.or let anyone els!!!!

Answer 8

my son is almost 10 months and i still pick him up most of the time he crys, some people might call him spoiled, but i call it giving him all the love and safety he needs in that age, he plays by hisself and crawls all over the place and not only to the places where mommy is at, so i dont think i spoil him picking him up when he needs me, telling me that with crying sometimes.

Answer 9

You spoil them when you hold them all the time, and if you pick them up as soon as they cry, they will cry all the flippin time to be held. They need to cry, it's good for their lungs. I would say no, it's not really a good thing. That will be very stressful when they cry all the time cause they wanna be held....they are pretty smart that way.

Answer 10

Key words: SELF SOOTHING!
Every mother understands their babies cry it is not necessary to jump at every wimper I tried to spend quality time with my son while he was awake and calm so I wasnt rewarding his yells. Jacob is now 1 and everyone who has ever babysat him tells me he is a dream! He knows how to entertain himself and now I know when he cries its actually for a reason not just cause hes bored.