THIS question is for Men?

Question

When something is on a man's mind and it's causing him to act distant and quiet and his spouse is a loveing careing person and is concerned about his thoughts, why do men hold their thoughts in and say" I will be okay or "I don't want to talk about it"? I just dont understand why men turn away compationate help.

Answer 1

If only it were that simple. I hate to say it sweetheart but women do it too. It's not limited to men. Here are some possible reasons.

1.) Maybe He is trying to fix it on his own.
2.) Maybe He is not sure how to communicate this problem, or perhaps he doesn't even know how to approach it.
3.) Some people are loners and want and require little help.
4.) Perhaps if you just keep reaching out he will take you help.

I dont like to generalize, but Men tend to grow up being taught that being strong and controlling and holding in feelings are the best way to get along.
Sometimes we are just stuborn to, dont discount that.

Answer 2

Some men are very open with their feelings and some are not. I wouldn't automatically assume something major is going on, because it usually isn't a really big deal. Sometimes it CAN be a big deal, but if he doesn't tell you there isn't much you can do. I have trouble getting things out of my fiance sometimes and although it aggervates me, I understand that everyone has different ways of handling conflict. I would just be patient and keep being compassionate... sooner or later he may break down and tell you what is wrong. If you are just asking in general - --
sometimes men feel macho and like handling their own problems because it is just a man thing, where a man is the problem solver and doesn't NEED help... but yeah, some dudes just dont like talking about things because it makes them feel vunerable

Answer 3

Because admitting the need for help is tantamount to admitting failure - and chances are if the man is in a situation where he is bottling up a problem then he is already feeling some sort of sense of failure already.

If you are currently involved (or care about) such a man then YOU MUST NOT let him continue to bottle it up - the end result will be a nervous breakdown or worse. Take this from me, I've been there.

To get him to accept help you must broach the subject gently. Let him know you are there for him. Get him his coffee/beer/whatever unbidden. Put your arms around him. Talk to him about anything other than the problem. He will unburden to you eventually.

DON'T demand to know what's wrong all the time, that will make him withdraw further and definitely don't start with the "You never talk to me anymore" line as that will compound his sense of failure (now he's failed in keeping you happy) and make it much worse.

Answer 4

There are some things that guys don't want help with. They feel that they have to solve the problem on their own as a sort of rite of passage. It happens to me often enough. He will probably tell you about the problem when he's solved it. I guess we could call that bragging.

I try very hard to disguise the fact that I have a problem by acting very friendly and caring. That also helps me feel better about myself because I know that I'm not being selfish even though I'm excluding others and doing things on my own. But even so, once I've told people about my resolved problem they tell me how occasionally they noticed strange distant stares or a downcast face when i was on my own.

Do some nice, sweet things for him and he will appreciate them a lot in his current state. Encourage him to smile more and at last act more happy.

Answer 5

I really do not think of myself like that. I tend to confide in
female friends first.
However, we are supposed to be masculine, the leader,
the in charge person to provide, care for, and caretaker for our significant other. Look at the stereotypes. Men play baseball,
football, hockey and race cars. Macho. It is not in our DNA to sit down and talk about personal matters. We are not gray, more black and white in terms of the answers we give. Some women like that. You get straight to the point with a guy.
However, when one gets older, you should realize that communication in a relationship is #1. Without that
well, without that you have no relationship. Care to chat sometime, contact me. [e-mail]. Good luck.

Answer 6

Sometimes people have things on their mind that just take time to work out. Maybe he has not fully articulated the problem in his own mind. Some times after you think about things for a while it is easier to find a solution. Don't keep pressuring him.

Answer 7

Men do not like to talk about emotions because we think that women think that we are weak if we do. So, us men being the problem solvers that we are, if we don't have an answer to the propblem, then we definitely look weaker. Me personally, it depends on why I am thinking about before my spouse questions it.

Answer 8

I am a guy and I don't like to think that there is something that I can't handle. I don't like to talk about it either. I can right now I guess because I don't know you. It could be something that is emotional for him and he doesn't want you to see him cry. But thats just me. Good luck.

Answer 9

This is what is called macho man. Men are taught not to ask for help especially in domestic affairs. It shows a weakness so stupidily we hide our feelings inside. Some modern men get over this crap and show their feelings but it all takes time so please be patient and hell eventually come around

Answer 10

Just give the man space. Have you never been in a situation where you just need space to deal with something. He'll reach out to you when the time is right or when he totally screw up and needs your help.