After 27 years together , and having arguments almost every day during those last 10 years , I found out that he was cheating me , and a baby girl had been born from that other relationship.We had a difficult separation,because he blamed me for working so many hours...etc. We are separated now but he did not see that woman anymore, he has another couple. It is still difficult for me to get used to living alone.Out two kids are already grown up and have their own lives. He seems to be doing much better than me as far as the social life and having another couple.
A few months ago, my first boyfriend I had when I was 18 was looking for me and found me here in internet.We started talking and he says he still loves me after 30 years. He has started even stated calling me. I also feel I still love him. But he is married though he says he is not happy and hopes to be able to separate too and not lose financially. Should I believe him?
2006-08-12 12:27:55 · 13 answers · asked by celine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Once a man cheats, he will always cheat. They give themselves permission by blaming us for their "wandering ways". You husband will always be moving through the ladies, no matter how much he professes to "love" the current one. If your old boyfriend is willing to cheat on his wife, he's willing to cheat on you too. Don't believe a word that he says. Saying that he doesn't want to lose financially means he'll never divorce.
Don't leave your pain locked up inside you. Go out to a deserted area where you're all alone. Get comfortable and then just scream. From your guts. Until you can't scream anymore because your throat is too sore. Get a good cry over and done with. Allow yourself to mourn. The break-up of a marriage is just like a death. It doesn't matter how nasty the marriage was, or how much you wished he were dead, you've still got to mourn.
Then go do things you're really interested in. Take classes in a hobby you always wanted to learn. Go skydiving. Read. Keep your brain and your body active and alive.
Then when you're ready, you'll start noticing all those men who can't seem to stop looking at you. Say hi and strike up a conversation. Keep the tone light. Never come across as desperate. Stay away from bars if clubbing isn't your thing. Take ballroom dancing lessons instead.
I guess what I'm trying to say is give yourself permission to actually LIVE the rest of your life!
2006-08-12 12:45:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right now there is no reason not to believe him. But he is still married. And until he sets whatever's going to happen there, in motion, stay away. You know what it's like to find out you've been cheated on.
Whether he & his wife get along is not your business.
At the age you are now, you are suppose to be thinking of those golden years with your beloved.....sitting on the porch swing, with your stockings rolled to your knees, while watching the sunset together, hand in hand. It isn't going to happen now.
You need time to heal from your loss. Even though the last years of your marriage were not happy, it is still VERY hard to end a relationship. There is a grieving period. You need to do this if you are to ever love & trust again.
2006-08-12 12:42:23 · answer #2 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why ask me...like I can't make decisions for you...I dont' think so.
Your going through so much right now and especially if one is married already and ants to leave his wife...my guess is he will leave you too in the long run. Don't believe that I love crap.
He will have to divrce and show you that he means what he says and he can't do it in a few months. It will take years so my advice to you is to not get caught up in lifes fantasy of love, but take care of you and keep your life moving in the right direction, but do not spend so much time considering marriage and love.when your life is upon you and your ship is going to sink if you do not be the captain and steer it right. A weak mind is easily seduced.
2006-08-16 03:25:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like bokbok2's answer. You're not going to make yourself feel better by participating in the destruction of someone else's marriage. Do you really want to help to make his wife feel the way you feel right now?
Tell him that you like him, but that you expect him to do right by his wife -- either by fixing the marriage or by ending it respectfully.
BTW, I do understand how you feel. I am ending a 20-year marriage for the same reasons. I am still in the process of the divorce, but I often worry about being lonely in the future.
2006-08-12 12:39:15 · answer #4 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you shouldn't believe him !This is how men Wiesel there way in, I'm not happy, I'm going to leave her, etc, etc. What you need to do is tell him you don't want to see him or hear from him until he is (at the very least) legally separated from his wife. Then you'll see how much he "loves" you .he will probably try to give you his sob stories and sh*t, but you stay strong, he has to have one or the other, any other way will be what your husband has done to you and you know how much that hurts, you don't want to do that to another person, do you?
2006-08-12 12:36:26 · answer #5 · answered by angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't believe him for a moment. He will lose financially if he leaves his wife. And chances of him leaving are pretty slim. He is going through his midlife crisis, tell him if he leaves his wife he can contact you, other wise your are going to get on with your life. This is what happened to your husband, do you want to be the other women. i don't think so.
2006-08-12 20:31:08 · answer #6 · answered by crafty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not get involved with a married man. My mom has just went through virtually the same divorce.
2006-08-12 13:36:55 · answer #7 · answered by sometimessusie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't believe your first bf.
Take a step at a time. You will find your place in the social scene in time to come.
2006-08-12 20:35:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont do anything with him while he is still married. MAKE SURE he is not seeing anyone else. take things slow. its been a long time since u seen each other. u both have changed.
2006-08-12 12:34:31 · answer #9 · answered by hejhs 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do want to bet he is still sleeping with his wife?
He is giving you a line of crap. If he cheats on his wife, what do you think he will do if you are with him? A cheater is a cheater, is a CHEATER!
2006-08-12 15:12:39 · answer #10 · answered by George S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋