My high school sweetheart called me and now my worlds upside down Im married w/3 kids but cant stop thinking?

Question

Heres the deal i've been married for 4 years we've split up 4 times during those 4 years( its a very rocky marriage). We have a daughter together & i have 2 kids from a previous marrigage. Talking to my high school sweetheart stirred up so many emotions inside me. He said he still loved me and always would. Hes divorced with 2 kids. I feel crazy at the fact that this encounter has impacted my life so much it was just a phone call and it has me rethinking everything. We talked what seemed like forever and I swear this guy seemed like he remembered every conversation we'd ever had he even has a gift i gave him when we were like 17 (now were 30) I couldnt believe he still had it (even through his marriage he still kept it) he says he still loves me and regrets that we ever stopped talking. Im very confused about the whole situation I have children to think about & i feel they've been through enough with me & my husband always breaking up & our drama but i cant stop thinking about him HELP

Answer 1

I have had a similar situation happen. Let me tell you a little bit about me. I have been married for 11 years and have divorced my husband once and we remarried; we have separated two other times as well. We have four children who are all under the age of 10. I have recently had a male friend from school move away. We had so much in common and he was the absolute opposite of my husband. We are both married and he has a child as well. When he moved I was completely devastated. So much is missing from my marriage and his friendship filled a small part of that. It was completely innocent, but I think we both had some feelings for each other. I thought about him every minute for awhile and we even tried to keep in contact. Keeping in contact with each other felt like being sneaky so I stopped. I eventually told my husband because my sadness became obvious in every way. Now that some time has passed I know that my feelings were hightened because of my loneliness. I felt so much when he left but I think what I was really sad about was what I was missing and not so much about him. I think your heart can mislead you when you are not complete. Your highschool sweatheart could also be saying those things because he is lonely. In the end we all want to be a person who sacrifices everything for love and happiness. However, I know that I have to be whole in order to know what that means for me. Maybe it's going to take me getting my own place and finding out who I am before I jump into something else. I know you guys have history together but so much has changed since then. Really check yourself and him and don't let your sadness about your current relationship convince you that it's more than what it is.

Answer 2

I didn't read it all because I can tell that you've decided to think about him and you're being unfaithful and disloyal to your husband. Do you want to tear up your two kids' lives AGAIN for your own selfish persuits??!
It will NOT be better with him. I promise.

First, he knows your married and STILL has the gall to contact you! that is a BIG RED FLAG. He does it now, he'll do it against you if you ever get with him.
Second, he's bringing up every past thing he knows you'll like to hear. BIG RED FLAG. He's obsessed, controlling and very dangerous.
Third, look at the time he showed up. I do not see this as destiny, honey, but bad working to destroy good.
I know your marriage is hard now, but you need to compromise with your husband and MAKE it work for the sake of your poor little kids!! Think of the KIDS FIRST, not your sad heart. You can get over it. Those little kids can't and probably never will.

Your husband and you should go to counciling (try out several different ones if you have to) and try to serve each other all the time and give compliments and say I love you all the time. STart with yourself.

Try reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura. I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE that if you use this book it will turn things completely around (unless of course your husband is an asshole, which I doubt).

Anyway, good luck honey, and FORGET THE LOSER FROM HIGH SCHOOL. It'll only cause more pain and regret.

Answer 3

The reason that you're obsessing over this is because you have some legitimate needs that aren't getting met by your husband. That being said, cheating will only make things worse -- and the fact that you're on your second marriage indicates that you're probably repeating mistakes from the first. Also remember that your old flame is divorced -- which means that he has issues of his own. Summation: the grass probably isn't any greener on the other side. And even if it is, why haven't you been watering your grass?

What you really need to do here is identify your issues and work on them. Stop trying to fix your husband, and stop blaming him for all of the problems in the relationship (some of what's wrong is your fault, guaranteed). When you take responsibility for what you've done wrong, then and only then will you be in a position to fairly determine whether or not you need to get out of the marriage (hint: if you deal with your issues and he won't deal with his, it's time to go).

Besides, would it be fair to this man who says he loves you to take all your unresolved emotional baggage and dump it on him? Which is probably what happened to your current husband, by the way. Are you absolutely sure that you're over all of your issues with your ex-husband? Get your own head straight before you try to evaluate the relative virtues and vices of someone else. See a marriage counselor. But for God's sake don't have an affair just because your relationship isn't satisfying right now (it was at one point or you wouldn't have married him). Fix what can be fixed -- and what can be fixed always starts with fixing yourself.

Answer 4

Since no one else will do this I will. Stop with the crap already! You say your marriage is rocky, I'll say you are a liar and a cheat. You are cheating on your husband and lying to yourself. Make up your mind to work on your marriage or get out. The limbo which is making you crazy is self inflicted. Your high school sweetheart already has one failed marriage to his credit no he's in the midst of making sure the second one fails YOURS. Put this guy away and stay away from him. He can do nothing to help you right now only complicate your life. Is it remotely possible the drama in your marriage is from you. You had better stop the affair NOW. get your act together and decide once and for all that you are or are not going to be married to your husband. At this time you are a taker. You are taking from your spouse to feed the kids and you are taking affection from another man. This is a course doomed to failure, pain and conflict. Stop It. Do things the way you know is right and your internal conflict might go away.

Answer 5

I have had the same thing happen to me.

Your marriage is rocky, so that makes you think. Decide if you really want all the drama this would cause. If he contacts you again; tell him that these emotions have come up, you have three kids and if you came to him it would be with three kids in tow, no job, and in the process of getting a divorce. That will open his eyes. He either really wants you baggage and problems and all, or he just wants to relive the fantasy feelings of first love. If he truly wants you, then he'd better be ready for a ready made family to show up on his door step. Most men aren't that big hearted, and all they want to do is lay on couch, watch TV and have a nice quiet home. You bring your herd of kids by and see how much he enjoys you....

Maybe you and the kids should go visit, watch him get pissed at your kids a few times, watch his kids fight with your kids, that will take all the romance out of it, and you'll realize, even though he's your first love, he's just a man and all men are the same...a pain in the *ss.

So go ahead, trade one pain in the *ss for another if you like.

Answer 6

It's tough...you have more than yourself to think about now. You need to leave your husband for other reasons besides the other guy cause who knows how things will work out with your old flame. Then you might be sitting back and regreting it all. Remember: things are new and exciting right now with your old flame and after years of marriage im sure things have gotten pretty boreing, but relationships all get boreing after a while...we settle down, get relaxed, and its just not exciting. This is a decision that is going to effect everyone around you...so dont jump into anything without weighing out the pros and cons! Good luck in whatever decision you make!

Answer 7

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Answer 8

You are married - that means you shouldn't be taking calls from ex's and thinking about hooking up. You took vows and however rocky your marriage has been, you have kept it together. So instead of suffering through a rocky marriage start making it better.
Talk to your husband about your marriage and how you can both work to make it a great marriage and a great environment for your kids. Get into marriage/family counseling and start taking positive steps forward. Stop talking to your ex, tell him that you wish him well, but you are a married woman and are staying that way.

Answer 9

Let me tell you something been there. I have beed married for 11years ans I also have 4 kids and I got a hold of my high school sweetheart number through my son who is friends with his step son. So i called him and man was my heart pumping fast. And then Shaggy song came on and I told him that when ever that song came on to remember me his response was that he hs never forgot me. And I have never forgot him either. thoughout my marriage I would think of him on and off on how he's doing. me andmy high school sweetheart had been together on and off since the end of my 6th grade all the way till after I graduated. he even tattooed my name on his arm which he still has. But low and behold when I saw him personally I am my whole heart thumping stopped. He was so worned out, amounted to nothing no career and well nothing to show for. But I must tell you he treated me like a princess a way that not even my husband ever did for me. So make sure to just keep it on a friendship level there are kids involved here and weigh out your pros and cons before jumping to conclusions. GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

you need to first think about your current situation. Do you want to keep breaking up year after year? Have you tried marriage counseling or any other form of counseling? What you are putting your children through is not easy for them.

Although your high school sweetheart called you, you need to think about this thoroughly before jumping into something you could very easily get in over your head. Rememeber you are still married and with responsibilities.