He said that he had not been in love with me for at least a year, that he still loves me, but is not in love with me. He said he didn't leave me because he thought that I had done too much for him (I have been working at McD's and putting him through school so he could join the marine corps.) He is now done with meps and in dep. He said that he "emotionally cheated" on me with his ex-girlfriend from high school (his first love), and doesn't remember if they kissed ("If I did it was instinctual"). They went up into the hills together to look at the stars and he told her her loves her. He hasn't even seen her for 7-8 years, until 2 weeks ago.) She left her boyfriend of 4 years be with him. They are now officially boyfriend/girlfriend. I found out two days after he left that I'm pregnant. I need to get a divorce now, I don't know if Oregon will let me have an anulment while pregnant. He wants visitation. I don't think he's stable. Will the military do anything to him either? :(
2006-08-12 08:28:59 · 10 answers · asked by all_the_answers 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He had to get 22 college credits and his g.e.d. to join the service. He never graduated high school.
2006-08-12 08:37:03 · update #1
I'm 25, so is he. He has been to meps and is in the delayed entry program now.
2006-08-12 08:38:50 · update #2
I'm not sure I clarified enough. I am not trying to get him back in anyway, or to get back at him. I am keeping the baby, we had been trying for a year now to have one. We are both excited. I am filing for sole custody and am willing to give him visitation. I was uncertain as to what the military may do. I believe they will make him pay child support, which he already asked me to file for. (He has no income though). I don't know if he can get alimony because he has had no income for two years, but we've only been married for one month. I don't want him to get thrown in the brig or anything, that's why I want to know what the corps will do.
2006-08-12 09:07:39 · update #3
You sound young..... either way, look into adoption for your baby. It sucks, but it will give the baby a chance to have a home that you don't sound prepared to give it at this point. Not to mention the mental anxiety you'll impose on your kid with a father that's not mentally stable. Do what's best for the kid, do not base it on your selfish motives... that's how you got here to begin with.
Divorce the bastard, work on making you a better you, and move on. Not as easy as it sounds I know, but that's ultimately what you're going to have to do.
2006-08-12 08:34:47 · answer #1 · answered by Say it like it is 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋
I am sorry to hear what happened to you, you didnt deserve that from him. He should not have married you if he didnt love you. Annulments are EXTREMELY hard to get so no you do not sound like you have any real reason to get an annulment awarded to you. Maybe consider having an abortion or giving the baby up for adoption so you dont have to deal with him. If you are set on keeping the baby, have a custody arrangement in order BEFORE the baby is born (during the divorce get that order put in. Like how much he has to pay you in child support AND alimony since you put him through school and are now pregnant with his child! Get as much money out of the divorce as possible! He deserves a legal kick in the a s s!).
Also get tested by your OGYN for STDS! because he may have slept with the new GF while you were still having sex with him too! In the divorce have your lawyer note that HE is leaving YOU because he committed ADULTRY. Legally he CANT have a GF until he is officially divorced from you. Good thing to do would be to follow him (or have a friend follow him) with a camera and take pictures of him kissing this new GF and spending time overnight at her place. Physical evidence of his adultry is the best thing for you to have for the divorce (such as pictures, videos, etc). Just do it in secret, say parked in a car he doesn't recognize several feet away and just take these pictures for the divorce, but once you have a few pictures of good hard evidence of cheating, dont follow him after that.
Good luck and look to your family and friends now for emotional support. Ask your friends and parents if they have a friend who is a good divorce lawyer.
2006-08-12 15:38:55 · answer #2 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't understand what the question is. You need to quit obsessing, he's a loser and he used you and thats on HIM, not you. You file for divorce and get on with you life. Visitation you can deal with later, he may be somewhere else by the time you have the baby. Worry about it when its time to worry about it, until then you have enough to deal with. This is a very tough situation, just take it one day at a time and realize that you did nothing wrong other than believe him, the wrong is all on him. The military frowns on married men having affairs, but they probably won't do anything to him. Good luck and choose a little more carefully next time!
2006-08-12 15:37:21 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i know that you CAN get a divorce if you are pregnant, but i don't know about an annulment. one thing that you can do is file for an uncontested divorce. what this means is that both parties are in agreeance and there is no fighting. i am not totally sure if you can do an uncontested divorce if you are pregnant, though, but it is just as cheap as getting an annulment. you might check into that. as far as him not getting visitation, you are going to have to be able to prove that he is unfit as a father first, and that is really hard to do. you're going to have to dig up some hard evidence, like proff that he's beat you up, or using drugs, and even if you have that, it's still very hard. i would call an attorney if i were you. they should be able to help you out more than anyone can. they'll be aware of state laws and such. hope this helps. if ya ever want to talk of whtever, feel free to email me. i know this situation has got to be hard for you.
2006-08-12 15:40:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to me it sounds like your Husband used you and that sucks that you were there to help him get on his feet and you supported him and suddenly when he joins the military he decides that oops he made a mistake I'm not buying it he planned this I'm sure he didn't plan on getting you pregnant but KARMA is a MOFO,the military will not do anything to him unless you have proof that means physical evidence and even then they may still drag their heels so you should concentrate on doing whats best for you and the baby and don't divorce him just yet you are still his wife and you are entitled to his benefits remember the military recognizes WIVES not GIRLFRIENDS.
2006-08-12 16:05:37 · answer #5 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You very much need a divorce. The military will make him pay child support and make sure you get it. If he doesn't send it you can call his commanding officer and he will get into trouble. Also as long as he is in the military he should provide medical insurance for his child. It will be through he military as well. You do not qualify for an annulment. However, I would take him to the cleaners on the divorce. I would as for spousal support as well as child support. You put him through school he can support you for a while. Get a very good lawyer. You are going to need it. DO NOT be afraid to fight for you and your child. you deserve it and so does your child.
2006-08-12 15:37:03 · answer #6 · answered by truckermama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
gosh, im so sorry about that. he must be in lust with this new girl and lust dont last. love does... and yes maam the military will in fact make a man out of this boy... and as for you .... keep your head up and be the best mom and lady in the world. just pray about the situation and god will intervene. believe that!!!!!!!!!!! but also the military will for sure make him pay child support and he will automatically have medical insurance and just for a thought ....at least you only lost a month of your life to this boy... some spend forty years together and end it! and you can be divorced and go to heaven because he committed adultry....read the bible ....dont listen to the guy up there wherever that said you cant go to heaven if divorced.
2006-08-12 15:35:34 · answer #7 · answered by ***BUTTERFLY*** 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
... he had to go to school to join the Marine Corps? i think not...
Usually people can only get annulments if they haven't had sex, and that obviously isnt the case, so i'd just go for the divorce.
disregard anything that kid above me said about heaven, because you get a divorce has nothing to do with entering the pearly gates.
2006-08-12 15:33:17 · answer #8 · answered by Gidget 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need a lineline, a hint! He don`t want you anymore. That`s the breaks; move on with your life.
2006-08-12 15:34:14 · answer #9 · answered by Pieface 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
dont divorce him,just leave apart that way you will be sure to go to heaven
2006-08-12 15:33:06 · answer #10 · answered by t-crisis 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋