Thank you for your answers. I had not really brought myself to speak out this with anyone... I felt ashamed.
To one of your comments, yes he does say it is my fault. He says that i get him so upset that I "make his blood boil" and that I make him do these things. That he does not mean to, but that i make him so upset that i push him to look for other people.
I do feel it is my fault most of the time. He used to tell me to stay away and I wanted to know why he was so upset. He would say that it was me asking him. That i should learn to keep away from him when he is upset, that way he wont tell me things he does not mean to or i wont make him do things he is not supposed to.
He realizes he has a rage problem, and when he is an a good mood he says he should look for help. Yet other times, he says that if i love him i should learn to deal with it and know when to keep my distance and that I'm only dreaming if I think he is about to tell his problems to a stranger and waste money.
2006-08-12 07:37:49 · 8 answers · asked by PINKY 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did try offering him things when he was upset to change his mood. Nothing ever helped, it never mattered who he was upset at or what upseted him.
In fact, when he gets upset and I was nice to him, he would get more enraged. He would say that why did I have to be "so nice." I never understood.
One minute he loves me so much, but when he is upset he says that he does not love me and that i ruin his life just by being here.
One day i found out that he took my son out with that girl that claimed to be his girlfriend. He said that he did not see it wrong at the moment, that he was not thinking and was upset because i got sick.
I got sick when he came home with hickies.. i grew sad and stopped eating.
He said that it pissed him off that i got sick on purpose. That he did not understood why i cried all the time if i knew it made me sick and make my son be against him.
It was never my intention, i'm just sad. I try not to cry to not upset him, but its hard.
2006-08-12 08:30:15 · update #1
Ya know that kinda sounds like my husband. He acknowledges that he has an anger poblem and he does direct it to the people who got him mad but he also directs it to me and his daughters and then he cools off and says the usaul sorry please forgive me. I alrady told him that all his sorrys are in a closet some where. they all mean nothing to me.
I feel the same way about my husband, I want to love him but I decide I am going to he'll call and ***** at me for something and honestly speaking my heart shatters into little pieces. So then i tell myself that I am not going to try. Because everytime I try he shatters my heart. by the way I've been married for 11 trying years and I am currently without his knowledge getting info on a divorce. And please eval your situation and your pro and cons and decide what is best for you. Are you really happy??? Are you at ease and are you yourself when he isn't around??? Think is blaming you for his actions reasonable??? cause honestly I can get in trouble on my own, but when I was not a part of it then that is just him not you. Don't belittle yourself to justify his behavors.
2006-08-12 08:05:49 · answer #1 · answered by dori_619 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I feel your pain. It is NOT your fault. No one can MAKE another person do or say things like that. Lately, I've heard the words "that's how it is so deal with it". I've been married for 10 years & we've been together for 13. The things I'm supposed to "deal with" are not reasonable and I've reached the crossroads. I'm a good person and I don't deserve to be treated this way. All he is doing is bringing me and my self esteem to an all time low. He's not going to change so, it's time to go.
2006-08-12 08:00:21 · answer #2 · answered by blustang04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl that is no way to live, STOP NOW AND GET OUT !!
there is no way that any of this is your fault and you as a person have the right to leave and not do it anymore.
He has a problem and as long as you stay with him you will have the same problem. You don't need that problem. Life is to live not to be afraid all the time or he will not change (believe me) get out now and forget all about him. You will thank yourself later.
2006-08-12 08:03:41 · answer #3 · answered by konfusedkathy2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will continuously be haunted, empty and unhappy. you will try each and every thing to help HIM forget approximately...yet what's going to he have completed for YOU? He already did the extra serious achieveable factor to YOU. He did not think of roughly YOU, in basic terms approximately HIMSELF. with the aid of your writing you look an extremely compassionate guy or woman, yet i've got faith he's utilising that against you. He is time-honored with of you will forgive him, and settle for him no remember what he does. Why, could you be with him noticeably by using fact he were having a protracted term, long distance relationship? do not you deserve a happier existence, freed from questions, freed from thinking that sometime he in simple terms could go away? i've got lived that lie for too long to correctly known what your consequence would be. ask your self this one question...could you have completed this to him? i know what your answer would be, that's why I left. a minimum of I nonetheless have my dignity & self-properly worth, and that i'm a lot happier now that the haunting whispers are long previous.
2016-10-02 00:01:50 · answer #4 · answered by silveira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very sad to hear that you are going through! Honey, I'm only 30 and have been married since we were both16, We adopted two babies just a few years ago..and life in general can be more than overwhelming...The first reply to you question is exactly what I would say...Listen to that advice and remember..your mama didn't bring you into this world to have such heartache.
2006-08-12 08:03:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a problem, yes, but all problems have a solution... For a while, try to leave him alone when he is upset...Then, in time, when he is upset offer him a coffee or his favourite juice or beer...or ask him if he would like to see a movie, play something or go to a walk...or just if he would like a hug...BUT all these in time...For now, if he says to let him alone, let him; he will appreciate it... good luck :*
2006-08-12 07:53:31 · answer #6 · answered by ota marmota 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you'd better get out of there before he kills you. I don't think it's the fact that you love him. I think you've become co-dependent on him, like a habit. I've been married to a guy like that, and I stayed for many years. If I hadn't gotten out, I might not be here today. Go get you some help, even if you have to go to a shelter.
2006-08-12 07:43:26 · answer #7 · answered by IthinkFramptonisstillahottie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need to get out of that relationship. You dont wanna live like that do you. I know it is hard but the longer you two are together the worse it is gunna get. Good Luck !
2006-08-12 08:54:10 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋