I love my husband. But a few weeks ago i found out he was going out with another girl. I found a picture of him making out with her in his phone and it broke me. He moved out. Now he says it was nothing more than a few kisses and that he has never been intimate with anyone. However, when he is upset he is very cruel and tells me how much he enjoys being with other girls parties and fun. But when he is fine, he tells me it was a lie to get me upset. I love him, but now i'm afriad to show him, or to get close to him. I"m afraid to get hurt. He agrees to counseling sessions, but when it comes down to it, he does not want to.
We have a baby, we are about to turn 6yrs of marriage. I dont know how to deal to with this. Sometimes it seems he is playing wiht my feelings. I'm not sure how to trust him. Im not sure what to believe.
He has been the only man in my life... but what he has done really hurts. I'm afraid to give up now that he wants to "try" and me regret it later. I need help.
2006-08-12 06:59:00 · 17 answers · asked by PINKY 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like you need to really push the counseling sessions, they are very very helpful in my opinion. A third party is the best way to get to the crux of the relationship's problems.
2006-08-12 07:03:37 · answer #1 · answered by John B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am glad you are separated presently. You need more time to sort this out. He sounds very manipulative and will play your emotions like a harpsichord. I am sure you are very torn and would like to believe him...but there is some part of you that knows better. It is complicated by the child and the six year investment you have already made...but here's a bit of truth...it will always be this way...and if you can give yourself some time...it won't hurt as bad...and you can make a good choice for you and your child.
Unless he begins counseling sessions with you BEFORE you reconcile, it is safe to say, he never will. If he agrees to begin counseling, then maybe there is something left to salvage. It will help you to begin counseling without him...for yourself...and this will speed things along.
2006-08-12 07:09:19 · answer #2 · answered by riverhawthorne 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Know it or not you husband is mentally abusing you. He is being very selfish. If I would tell him that I wanted to go to counseling. If he refuses I would file for a separation. At the rate this is going, sooner or later he will find a way to twist the situation and have you believing that it's your fault that he's being unfaithful. If a marriage can be salvaged I believe it's worth the try. But is the love is gone on either side there is no use torturing yourself or your spouse by holding on to something that no longer exists.
2006-08-12 07:13:56 · answer #3 · answered by MJ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I am a husband, not a father. I know how important and delicate the bond of marriage is. Your heart is not something to be played with. What is going on with you and your husband is not a game. Your child's future and your emotional well being both depend on the resolution of this matter. It should be treated with the utmost concern and attention. It sounds like you take your life and your future seriously. You said in your question that you don't know what to believe. Don't believe him. It's been said that the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it? Your only true friend when none are around is the good Lord himself. In the darkest night of your life, He'll be there by your side. Trust in Him. Believe that He has a good plan and purpose for your life and your child's life. Take comfort in that.
2006-08-12 07:15:24 · answer #4 · answered by Denny L. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well he is out, let him stay out for awhile. Absence does make the heart grow fonder and maybe he'll realize how much you mean to him and how much his little lies are hurting you.
Take time to digest all that has happen and learn from it. The one thing I have learned about love, is comfort, and if you are no longer comfortable in your relationship, it isn't worth the time to waste.
And you are not comfortable. Give him at least 2 weeks to see that you can do fine on your own. Let him beg and plead all he wants to come back, but also give it enough time that he actually takes a look at himself. He may find out he doesn't like who he sees without you.
Then when he does come back if things start out the same way, which I don't think they will, but if they do...you'll know then what you have to do. It's hard to tell anyone to end a relationship, but life goes on...a little hard at first, but it gets easier and can be better!
Depending on how long you have been married, if you have children, it can really take it's toll on them without you even knowing it! They see and understand more than we know, and if you are miserable...they are!
2006-08-12 07:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not only is he a cheater but he's cruel and emotionally abusive to you. Why would you ever trust him again ? I guess you can try counseling but if you see he is not taking it seriously and making an effort to change you have to move on. For now, I wouldn't believe a word that comes out of his mouth.
2006-08-12 07:03:58 · answer #6 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think if he is playing on your emotions, then he has something to hide... When they do mean things, they are usually guilty as hell. I am so sorry that this has happened to you, but I would say to you, get out and dont let him be cruel to you when he was the one that got caught on camera. You have to be strong and think about your child and you. Yeah Im sure you love him but it truely sounds like he is a player... If he is telling you he likes being with other girls, trust me it is not something he just made up. I wish you the very best with whatever you choose to do.
2006-08-12 07:09:10 · answer #7 · answered by Alpha 1 ZZ 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My mom found dinner receipts from my dad. He swore he never slept with the woman he had been taking out.
He was lying through his teeth.
I don't want to be offensive, but this man really doesn't deserve your love. Besides, you don't want your little girl thinking it's ok for a man to be doing that, because then she'll unintentionally think it's ok for men to do that to her.
2006-08-12 07:01:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Step away for a while. If he takes up with someone else quickly, well, that just about answers it right there. Even if he says he did it to make you jealous, blahblahblah. If he expends most of his time pining for you, and trying to reconcile,...there may be some hope, if he'll do therapy and s**t.
2006-08-12 07:05:59 · answer #9 · answered by longhair140 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first off, i am so sorry that you are having to go through with that ordeal.
now, the way i see it, he is unloyal. whether he is cheating on you, or just emotionally causing you pain, he is not being a good husband. when you are married, you do not just go and kiss another woman. no matter what the reason. he is out of line, and you deserve a caring and devoted man. do not talk to him until you have emotionally calmed down. go to work, or shopping or dinner w/ friends and keep him out of your life until you have settled down a bit. whether he is sorry or not, he still went out of his way to see this woman and not tell you.
again, i'm very sorry.
2006-08-12 07:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by lady of the piano 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋