Am i doing the right thing?

Question

I have split with my ex for various reasons including violence. He is sleeping with another girl who he cheated on me with before when we split the last time. He still keeps saying he loves me and wants to be with me but he cant get over the fact i was with someone else when we had split up the last time. I refuse to let him make a fool of me and wont beg him to come back like he wants because hes still seeing this other girl! Our daughter who is only 3 next month told her dad the other day that she wants us to live all together again, which shocked me from her age. Now i feel bad for her and dont know wether i should try and get him back, more for her sake than mine. What do you all think?

Answer 1

Violence and cheating are two excellent reasons to not go back to him. I wouldn't.

Answer 2

Don't get back together, I think it's a mistake. If you are questioning yourself then it can't be the right thing to do can it? Don't think that you are doing things for the sake of your daughter as she will grow up with him as a role model and I don't think that your ex is the type of man you wish your daughter to have. I understand that at the end of the day he is her father but maybe you should just arrange access through an independent person. If he is a good father then this should be no problem to let him see here at regular times. However, I hope that he won't treat your daughter the same as he treated you. If you think there is a risk of this then maybe you should have supervised visits. I strongly advise you not to get back with him. He might bring an STD back with him. Respect yourself more than that, you deserve better. I know that it's easy for me to write all this, it's not me in the situation. I know that I haven't always followed the good advice of friends and family, but I hope for the sake of yourself and your daughter, you choose to do the right thing. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm a Teacher, and if your daughter grows up seeing Violence in the home, she will bring home a Violent Boyfriend when she is 16--so don't be surprised when it happens..When I was in high school, there was a 15 year old girl being abused & hit by her 16 year old boyfriend...Your daughter's father is her "first boyfriend", and she will pattern all her boyfriends by her daddy..

Look, just forgive your ex in your heart so there wont be any anger between you and your child's father, and remain friends and cordial with him for the sake of your child. But that's as far as it should go...If you get back with him, you'll just get pregnant again, and you'll be a single mom of 2, instead of 1--and it will be hard to find a good man in the future with 2 kids..No good man is going to want a single mom of 2 kids with a Violent Baby Daddy.

Peace.

Answer 4

You are in the right place, right now. Taking him back will show him that he can walk all over you, and will only make things worse. He doesn't care bout you, he wouldn't have done what he did if he felt for you. You may think that it will be hard to find a man, if you have a young daughter, but there are plenty of good-hearted men out there, who will care for, value and love you, and will accept totally that the pair of you come as an item. Your little angel of a daughter doesn't understand all the hurt and pain he is causing you, and you can't throw your heart away just for giving her 'a proper family', if there's not mutual love and respect, it will not be a good place for her to grow up.
Congratulations on taking the time, and distancing yourself sufficiently to ask the question! Well done, I hope you find true and lasting happiness and the respect you deserve.

Answer 5

If you left your ex because of violence that under no circumstances should you return to him.

Even if he was never violent towards your child there is very strong evidence that children are aware/witness domestic violence. Infact according to Section 120 of the Adoption and Children Act 2002 the legal definition of harming children includes harm suffered by seeing or hearing ill treatment of others, especially in the home.

If the police are called to an incident and children are present then they have a duty to report it to social services. Social services wont take your child from you but the police may well remove your partner from the address. If he returns and the abuse continues you it will be considered a child protection issue, and social services will remain involved. It could result in you child being placed on the child protection register.

These are rules and guidelines in place to protect children from harm. You should be doing the same and by returning to your ex you will be placing her and yourself in harm. Not only physical but mental too.

There are many places to go for help and lots of information available to you.
First stop should be Women's Aid - who can offer you information and advice over the phone and also on their website.
Your local police staion will also have a domestic voilence officer that can offer you advice and information.

Check out the links below and please think twice before returning to an abusive relationship.

Answer 6

I remember when I separated from my ex husband, I thought by staying together for the kids was the right thing to do. I found out years later that it wasn't and did more harm. If this man is violent, what makes you think it will end? Your daughter needs to be protected and by having him come back is not a good choice at all. This isn't about him making a fool out of you for cheating, this is about a violent man that will destroy your life along with your little girls. I'm sure you have feelings for him but remember what your life was when you were together. He needs help, maybe anger management therapy. Your daughter will thank you one day for protecting her and trust me, she will understand why you made the choice you did. Lots of luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 7

u said the key word for ur split violence your daughter is only 3 she doesnt really understand right now i went thru 2 yrs of violence and lies and cheating with no children involved leaving was the best thing i ever done staying just for ur daughter could possibly end up with both of u getting seriously hurt i know its hard but get some counseling and stay away since u said violence was involved you will feel better for yourself and your daughter in the long run and when she is older and understands im sure she will love you for doing the right thing

Answer 8

I think that you made the right decision. Just cuz she wants him back in the pic doesn't mean that he should move in. Is he a good father ? If he is (doesn't use violence, etc) then maybe you should consider getting joint custody. After all, it isn't really fair to her if she doesn't get to see him. It's kinda like she's being punished. BUT, if you fear for her safety, then maybe you could have him watch her under the supervision of someone else (remember Mrs. Doubtfire ? He was supervised) Do NOT take him back !!!

Answer 9

Oh dear! You are in a mess. This guy is a jerk. He won't change. If he was violent before do you really want your child around that? You should sue him for child support, first off, and second get yourself away from this man.

Children often parrot what is said before them. Your daughter may have only been repeating what her father (or you yourself) have said. If it was her father saying it, then he is just playing with your emotions and is likely about to be booted out of his house or apartment and wants to cover his a**..

Answer 10

Do you really think its good for her to live with a man who has been violent and is sleeping around ? I cant see you guys having a good relationship this way. What's best for your daughter is to not grow up thinking men should act this way. You should not get back together with him if she is your concern.

Answer 11

Don't do it. You need to move on with your life. Do you think it would be better for the child to see her parents fighting and not getting along. She should be in a happier home. Men have a hard time letting go of what they feel is theirs. He will eventually get over it.