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My hubby and I have been married for 3 years and he says he hates his ex wife, but then he adds her to his messenger buddy. I dont feel like thats right.

2006-08-12 06:10:10 · 26 answers · asked by adatude4u 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

26 answers

Ask your current wife.

2006-08-12 06:13:13 · answer #1 · answered by Jacks036 5 · 0 0

I don't see anything wrong with the fact that he has her as his messenger buddy if that is all that you are looking at.

Now lets look at it with a few different eyes....
One is are you affended by the fact that he is still "friends" with his ex wife. Do you feel threatened by her at all. Does it bother you that he is talking to her (if there are no children involved). I would say if there are children involved then he need to have contact.

The major question that I am trying to get you to think about is...... does it bug you that he is still talking to her, even if he hates her, does it put any strain on the relationship you have with him..... if it does I would talk to him about it and see if you can come up with a compromise.

2006-08-12 06:38:52 · answer #2 · answered by QueenBethies 2 · 0 0

I think it depends on some things... do they have children together, do you have to dial up to get online. Do you have a cell phone. Does she have the number to your house and cell if you have one? If they have kids together and you have dial up computer service and if your online alot then sure its ok to have your ex on your buddy list. If the answer to the children question is no and the divorce is final there is really no need for them to be on each others buddy list. Although I am in a spades league where ex spouses are on each others list cause one is a tourney director and as far as I know that is their only exchange via instant messenger. Hope that helped!

2006-08-12 06:15:45 · answer #3 · answered by kevinswheat 2 · 0 0

Adding someone to messenger doesn't really mean anything. Now if you were finding he spends excessive amounts of time on the computer then I would be concerned. If you guys are not having any other marital problems and he generally acts like he loves you, I wouldn't get on his case about it. But if you're gut is telling you there is definitely something wrong, you could secretly buy a spyware program for his computer and track all his movements and he would never even know – although if he caught you and he wasn't doing anything wrong he'd be pretty pissed off and you would feel bad.

2006-08-12 06:19:35 · answer #4 · answered by NELLIEJ 2 · 0 0

No I do not think that is right! I for one am married to a man who has an ex-wife and I would be mad if he done that. If he wanted to remain friends with her and know what she is doing all the time then he should have stayed with her. Ask him why it is so important that he has to have her on his buddy list. Tell him how you feel about it and see what he tells you. This is only one stepping stone in your marriage. I have been married to mine for 10years and still to this day have to deal with the ex-wife.

2006-08-12 06:17:05 · answer #5 · answered by barren2004 1 · 0 0

Like that one girl says to not think to much about it. Bull$hit. Men who put an ex on a buddy list or whatever is either doing something wrong or gay. Especially if He claims to hate his ex...oh please....whatever...you would be stupid to not know whats really going on. It isnt right. thats your answer right there. Because if he has been friends with his ex way before you, okay fine, but he tells you he hates her,so he's trying to convince you that he does to hard which can only mean he really doesnt. He still loves her deep down.

2006-08-12 08:04:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Okay i am not married so i cant say i under stand your pain but saying you hate your ex of any thing rather its an ex wife husband bf or gf and then adding them to your buddy list behind your back is like calling them without telling you or calling them behind your back and if he hates her why even add her to his buddy list!!? I am confused tell him how you feel girl

2006-08-12 06:26:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Do they share kids? If so, that could very well just be another way for them to stay in touch as parents. If they share kids, it doesn't matter how much they like each other; they'll always be a part of each other's lives, simply because of those kids.

If not, then I agree with the poster who said "he who has nothing to hide, hides nothing". That would indeed make me a bit nervous. Does he hide the messages from you? Can you tell if he messages her a lot? Ask him. "What do you talk about?" and see what he says. If he acts nervous, then maybe there's a reason for you to be worried.

2006-08-12 06:33:28 · answer #8 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0 0

I don't think that he should have done that. My hubby's ex wife used to call our home to chat with my husband...then I had the phone number changed! They don't need to talk unless they have children and are communicating about that. Sometimes men do things without thinking about them, what I would do is ask your husband does he have a problem with you adding one of your ex's to your buddy list. Do unto others.....as you would have them do unto you!!!

2006-08-12 06:15:35 · answer #9 · answered by y_welton 2 · 0 0

Well she was/is a part of his life at some point, so it doesnt nessicarily mean that he still likes her even. I cant stand my ex fiance but i still have him on my messenger and talk to him every now and then. Its hard full exclude someone from your life. I wouldnt think too much about it.

2006-08-12 06:14:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

My opinion is that if he says that he hates her and he still adds her to his buddy list then he is not over her. The only way I could see it is if they have kids and he needs to talk to her about the kids.

2006-08-12 06:17:26 · answer #11 · answered by Alaska 2 · 0 0

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