Is it right?

Question

My mom and my dad are divorced. They have been since I was 10 months old. My mom visits but to her I might as well be invisible. On my brothers birthday she will bring him lots of gifts and a cake the whole works but on my birthday she wont even give me a birthday card or even on a regular day she talks a blue streak to my brother im lucky if she says hello to me is it wrong for me to dislike her a whole lot I mean she is my mother but.....I'm now 25 and I’ll bet she has not said more them 200 words to me my whole life and she sees me almost every weekend. Several times I have sat there next to her and tried to talk to her she will pick up a book and start to read or turn the TV on or just get up and walk away.

Answer 1

You have every right to be angry at your mother if she hasn't taken the responsibility that comes with that role. If you don't want to, you don't have to ever talk to her again- she may be family, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have to earn your trust and love.

Answer 2

I feel what you are going through. My mom only calls or comes arounds when she gets into what I call a "mom mode" If you feel the way I do about it then sweetie live your life. You are 25 years old now and she has no impact on your life. You make your decisions and choice not her. I used to wish I had the type of relationship with my mom that I see on TV or even the type that my friends have with their moms but that cant ever be. Just live your life and learn from what she has done. I say this because she may not have been the perfect mom but there is one thing that she gave you that will help you the rest of your life. You now know what not to do with your children. I know that it is hard but tell her how you feel and tell her that you are not going to try anymore and if she wants any kind of relationship with you then she is going to have to do the work because you are done feeling like you are 2nd fiddle. Good luck.

Answer 3

Dear lil me,

This is a difficult situation when a parent favors one over another. I realize that it is unfair but I want to caution you that bitterness against your mother will harm you more than your mother. Bitterness is the anger that you are feeling toward your mother. However, do not let your situation make you believe that you are the only one in this case. There are many parents who favor one child over another. Parents who "play favorites" may be trying to live out some aspect of their childhood that they never obtained. Maybe your mother never had the attention of her father that she needed. Maybe as a youth she was not particularly attractive and boys avoided her. I do not know. But do not let bitterness destroy you!
There is a short story in the Bible called "Ruth". I hope that you'll sit down when you have some time and slowly read through it. Ask the Lord to help you. You are a woman now and have your life ahead of you. When I am feeling "down" I read the Psalms, chps144-150. Then I can rejoice and thank God for all He has given me.

Answer 4

I would say its normal for you to resent and even hate her, but that doesnt mean its healthy for you, or good for her.

It can be really hard dealing with people who are supposed to treat you in a certain manner and do not.

Mothers are supposed to love and nuture and care for us, and when they dont its hard to fill in the gap, and understand why they werent able to function in that capacity.

Remember your mother is a human being. She cant begin to meet the standards set by society and culture for how a mother should act towards her children unless she has first been taught, and has a clear understanding and can function on that emotional level.

Aparently your mother isnt able to reach those things for herself as a person. Its possible that she has resentment for you because of the divorce (not that it gives her any right, or gives you any right to feel like less of a daughter, it just shows how imperfect a person can be in their reasoning), or its possible that she first noticed a distance between you two when you were an infant and has never been able to find a way to fix it, and instead has accepted that she has failed you.

Whatever her reasoning is, its painful to you, and unhealthy for her.

You need to realize that there are other places you can gain the acceptance and value of daughter and woman, instead of trying to get it from your disfunctional mother. You need to let her need you, and accept the fact that she cannot provide what you need, because of her own short comings.

I'd advise you to find a way to love her for the person she is. She still gave birth to you, she carried you full term and didnt abort you. So she had love for you and for your well being at atleast that first level. And i'd be sure to communicate that love to her.

Blaming her will only put her on the defense. Giving her the acceptance you are able to will atleast help break down what walls you can.

Its hard to have to be the older bigger person in a situation with your parent. But you can do it. :)

Answer 5

First and foremost, it is IMPOSSIBLE for any of this to be your fault. You may feel hurt by it, but there is no reason for you to have any guilt over it. If you do have some guilt, just let that go.

Second, her choices have caused her to miss out on raising a daughter. Most women would feel a deep sense of loss knowing that they have "lost" the chance to raise a daughter and develop a deep bond with her. Most women that I know who have daughters have cherished and satisfying relationshps with them. It could simply be that she is in pain over this and cannot confront it herself. (This speculation, of course, I don't know either of you.)

Why don't you reach out to her? Write a letter to her. Tell her pretty much what you wrote above. Ask her why she doesn't want to be involved in your life. Tell her you'd like her to be involved are willing to work on if she is, but that it can't happen if you don't talk. If she has a birthday coming up, put the letter inside birthday card.

Good luck to you. Remember: It is impossible for this to be your fault.

Answer 6

Just move on with your life. Clearly, she has no room for you, so why should you continue beating you head on a wall? I am sure there is someone in your life that you can seek out and replace her with. Sure, no one else will ever be your mother, but she hasn't been a mother either, so what's to lose?

Life is too short to waste on this type of person. Instead of wasting your energy trying to create something that she is not willing to do, then invest energy in something else.

Answer 7

I don't think that's right. Although she's a separate person, she's still your mother. She brought you to this world. Maybe you should respect her with kindness instead of avoiding her and not speak to her.

Answer 8

your a grown up stop alowing this type of action in your life get away from mean people the world is full of wonderful people .

Answer 9

see i know how it feels like,but ur mom is definately having her own problems which she may never disclose,she loves you no doubt, you need to understand that its difficult for her to express her love .she may never show but she loves you the most,who knows.

Answer 10

No, it is not right. It is her lose, so don't worry about it. You have your own life to lead, so go do it.