When a marriage is trying to overcome infidelity, what beside the obvious does it take to rebuild. By obvious I mean rebuilding the trust and making the spouse reassured. I'm asking those who've been through it and have had a POSITIVE outcome. What little or big things helped you (from both sides the ones who've cheated and the ones who've been cheated on)?
2006-08-12 05:29:44 · 7 answers · asked by Completly in love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A willingness to move forward and bury the past. In this old life we can drag the past with us like a ball and chain; even though it can't be changed; or we can move forward. If you are perfect and can walk on water then you don't have to consider changing your attitude or outlook, but if you are human you really have to work on it.
2006-08-12 05:40:18 · answer #1 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, for one don't joke about it because then the one joking about it seems like they just don't care about the person they are with.
The two of you need to sit and talk and give boundries that should not be crossed.....and both parties need to make an effort, just keep in mind that the person that was cheated on will always remember what happened and needs to heal and feel like they are the one you want to be with.
The person who did the cheating needs to acknoledge what the cues where that lead the cheating to happen in the first place and make sure that they don't fall again, doing the sames things that gave them opportunity to do so in the first place.
It maybe very uncofortable for a long time, just keep in mind it may get worse before it gets better, and the two of you may want to go to a counsler even if its a paster at your church and work together in the relationship, just remember it takes two people to have a relationship and the same to fix a problem in a relationship.
good luck
2006-08-12 06:35:16 · answer #2 · answered by Not a Daddys Girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See your previous question.
I did not want to hear about anything which reminded me of that time. There is a blank space in the scrapbook. You also need him to totally kiss your butt for a long time. Its true that I went from being open, trusting and cooperative to her wishes to checking up, questioning and a lot more demanding. Oddly it was the direction she was looking for. You need to hear from him that he knows now how stupid his folly was and that he will not hurt you like that EVER again. Then he has to demonstrate it.
Right now it won't hurt to remind him of the knife in your heart but a year from now you will have to resist the urge to throw it out there. That's the hardest thing, years from now, to put aside the urge to tell him that he really tore your heart out. You need to put a mental schedule on this of one to two years to outwardly not show your pain. That might be the worst thing the lingering pain.
The problem is it does not go away. That might be the biggest reason to work it out. The pain does not go away. If you quit the marriage you will always have the pain but will not know if he could have made it up to you. It might be easier to get over it with him kissing your butt than living alone and dwelling on it. A friend noticed that I was much more serious about things afterward and it was true.
It is a big push into adulthood that no one is prepared for.
Good Luck
2006-08-12 07:14:31 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-29 04:48:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay at home after work and socialise with spouse by your side. Keep an eye on each other all the time.....therefore there's no way of cheating.
2006-08-12 07:08:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont make any reference that can be misconstrued. for example my husband was cheating online with his ex wife who lives in california. he doenst mention anything to do with california.
2006-08-12 05:37:56 · answer #6 · answered by starla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SEX IS NOT THE ONLY THING HERE. THERE IS THE TRUST FACTOR. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING HERE IS THAT YOU BOTH CAN FORGET THAT IT HAPPENED AND START ANEW.
2006-08-12 05:50:17 · answer #7 · answered by bella_mexicana_rellena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋