Should I come out?

Question

I think that I am bisexual. I am attracted to both men and women. Recently my cousin has come out as a lesbian and she was treated very badly and she thinks that I should come out to my family too. The only difference is that I don't feel like it is anyone’s business who I do or don't sleep with. She says I am just afraid. But the truth is I am like this with all personal facets of my life. I feel like my personal preferences are MY business and that I shouldn’t be obligated to discuss them with anyone except the people that I choose to. Should I follow my cousin's advice and tell my family or should I do what I want?

Answer 1

You should do whatever you want to and whatever you feel comfortable doing. It is a very personal choice. If you do not want to "come out" now then don't. Though you will have to come out to your family and friends sometime if you want them to be a part of your life and to be truthful to them about yourself. It also helps the cause for people to know someone who is bi, lesbian, or gay, so they know their here, real, and part of the family.

Coming out as a bisexual can be even harder then coming out as a lesbian because you can get heat from both sides, straight and lesbian/gay. You should know how to answer bisexual's FAQ and be ready to stand up for your feelings. The HRC has good info on coming out as a bisexual, I'll link it.
http://www.hrc.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Coming_Out/Get_Informed4/Coming_Out_as_Bi/Coming_Out_as_Bisexual.htm

Answer 2

If you are on your own and paying your own bills do what you want. It is your business. I don't necessarily think you have to tell the whole world, but those that are important to you should be told. It hurts to lead a double life after a while. Acquaintences and people you work with that you don't know - that is up to you - but as a rule I don't.

If your family is homophobic and you are under their roof don't say a word. Get with your cousin and make sure she doesn't squeel on you. You could be kicked out, you could be put in front of a Dr. to try and make you straight,they could try and indoctrinate you with anti-gay religious teachings, you could be condemned .... It is just not a good idea. When you are of legal age or on your own - then tell if you feel you must.

Answer 3

hi,

i think u should do what u believe only.

don't care about what people say or think, if u think u can't
face ur family so don't do, u don't need problems.

but u have 2 know, being unable 2 face ur family, ur society
then u r not sure from what u r doing.

take awhile and think r u happy, or sad, or miserable?!

i think u should ask 4 help to get rid of this problem, actually
living in secret is not good by this u r not helping ur self.

the most important thing if u r not ready for facing this problem
at this time give to ur self awhile and think seriously.

but as i say in the beginning u haven't 2 do any thing bcoz
of what people say, listen 2 people think about their opinion
and then decide.

if u don't like their opinion through them behind u and go ahead
at ur life. don't do any thing may affect ur life negatively.

hope that u'll find a solution soon.

Answer 4

Hey Ej,
You need to do what is right for you, not your cousin, not your family. It's important that you know in the center of your being with self-honesty why you want to or don't want to come out. If you are questioning but have not had a romantic, sexual relationship with the same sex, the healthiest people to come out to are the ones who will genuinely support you learning about yourself and accept you for you. If you already know this, then it's more a matter of what best meets the needs of your very own soul.

Answer 5

Why are some people such jerks when it comes to bisexuality? I especially hate it when other gays and lesbians discriminate. Here we are, trying to show the world that we deserve equality, and someone comes back with "bisexuality doesn't exist."
Who are you to tell someone else that they don't like both sexes? Just like I don't want anybody telling me I chose to like women, nobody should tell you that you can't like both.
If you're comfortable enough with who you are, I say go for it. It made me feel so much better when I came out. I no longer had to lie when I was going out to gay clubs, and now that I have someone who may meet my mother in the future, it won't be a huge surprise. Besides, just because you come out, doesn't mean you're going to have a girlfriend tomorrow. You may still date men long before you find a woman you find interesting. Telling just takes the shock out of it when it does happen, gives parents time accept it.
If it's not that big of a deal to you, keep it to yourself. It's your world, make it do what it do :)

Answer 6

i don't think you should feel forced to out yourself, if you feel it's no one's business. I kind of feel like your cousin wants some company at the far end of the table if you know what I mean. If you decide to ever get serious about someone, deal with it then when you introduce them to your family. It may be a guy and then there will be no "outing". Your family only needs to know if you want them to.

Answer 7

keep your business to yourself.. u never know if ur gonna go one way or other wait till u decide maybe never its no ones business an yea there is prejudice just let the people know who ur interested that u are both bu tthen make sure u know them well.. before u hit on them.. u hage the right to be afraid or be private its ur right! ur cousin is def settled now and set in her ways thast her choice u do wot u feel good to do .. in time if u must say so say it i see no point.. if ur in that field of that u wil find people like u so thats no problem.. when ur about to marry a girl or guy then u can say ur preference..

Answer 8

No, stick to your guns. What worked for your cousin might not work for you. And by the way, pay no attention to the biphobes (straight or gay ones) who sometimes answer questions like yours in an ignorant way. A lot of these people live in their own little worlds and cannot live with the truth.

Answer 9

Your sexuality is your business, you need to do what you think is best for yourself. It is ironic that heterosexual people can keep their sexuality private, yet, people who are gay, lesbian and bisexual are expected to come out of the closet or "make an announcement." I never recall telling my parents,"gee mom and dad, I'm heterosexual." I do not know why people with other affection and sexual preferences are expected to. You make a very good point.

Answer 10

Hmm - See what your parents think about your cousin, if they disapprove and you don't think you need to tell them then there really is no need to mention it to them yet.

Also as your bisexual you can easily cover it up, but if you fall for a gilr it would have been easier for your parents to get used to the idea that your bisexual rather than when they find out your have a girlfriend.