Gaydar Question - Well Lesbiandar - How to know who is who?

Question

For reasons too long to go into I have just started working on this issue in my 40s. But women have been hitting on me since I was 22. One experience in 30s was disasterous and never dated since. But women kept hitting on me anyway. Did they know something I didn't or were they just hoping?

Now that I know I struggle with the challenge of figuring out who's who. Because of my job I can't hang out in GLTG places. And I am not ready to come out at this point for a whole lot of reasons. Why come out if you aren't in a relationship? It is gonna rock a lot of boats. If I stay single why not just leave things. But I would still like to know how you know.

Partly because I have been trying to figure someone out and although i am not there yet I am leaning toward 'yes'. But unable to make a move. Complicated.

And partly I am wondering why I got hit on so much all of these years before I even got it together enough to figure me out. (I was pretty messed up in my youth)

Answer 1

Sometimes people just hope, you know? My mom gets it, and she's straight. My wife gets it from men, a *lot*, and she's gay.

One good reason to come out is so that you *can* find a relationship. Other women just like you are wanting relationships, but too skittish to go up to just anyone and approach them.

Making a move now...well, start hinting!

Remember that the most important issue is not "does she like women" but does she like *YOU*?!

Answer 2

You really never know until you ask. Yet some people are more perceptive then others. I never get hit on by other girls (and I'm good looking but I really cannot tell if someone's flirting with me) because I'm femme (yet with short hair) and bisexual. They just think I'm straight, but every once in a while it would be nice if they did. So sometimes I'll try to give off a "vibe" of well being more open. I'll stand stronger and maybe glace at a girl so people can see me looking. You might have unknowingly been doing the same thing and other women picked up on it.

Other then that you're going to have to get a tattoo with the word lesbian on your forhead, that's a dead giveaway. Kidding. Try some cute rainbow earrings first.

Answer 3

Obviously, I'm not a lesbian, but with that said, I have to admit I have *horrible* gaydar. When I was younger, I'd had several men hit on me also, but I was too confused then to really know what end was up. After a disasterous marriage, I realized several important things about myself.

But, the safest way to find out is simply to ask... and I'm in the midwest, so I know its like you don't wanna just wear a sign saying you're gay, so the general population can stone you. But a discreet question will save you a lot of trouble, work and misunderstandings. Hope this helps, hon.

Answer 4

The truth is the only way to truly know a person's sexual orientation is to ASK them. Maybe women hit on you because you give off the vibe. Sometimes people know more about you than you know about yourself. Maybe you should stop trying to figure out who's who and get to know people for who they are. In the end the only thing that matters is how YOU feel. You have the right to be happy and if women make you happy then go for it!!!

Answer 5

Well,since you've already got someone in mind,the only way to know,is ask her. Other than that,I started dating women when I was 35,I'm bi. I mostly met women through the internet,least that way,you know they like other women,and that factor is taken out of the equation. Good luck,it's not easy. One tip,don't date in the work place. It always gets out,and if it doesn't work out,you have to keep seeing that person until one of you find another job.

Answer 6

I had this issue just this past week. I met someone that I wanted to ask out, but I didn't know if she was gay. She was subbing for a TSS who was on vacation for one of the summer camp kids so yesterday was the last day I would see her. I was 99% sure she was... just by the way she looked, acted, and the vibe. No one I work with knows I am, so it wasn't like I could ask anyone there to talk to her for me. I told one of my gay friends about her and she was like yeah, she's totally gay. In the end, I chickened out because of not knowing for sure. I don't *look* gay, as I am a femme. So it's not like I think anyone would think I am (including her). I think a LOT of times we hope that people are because we are attracted to them. But as in this case, I'd never hit on anyone if I didn't know for sure. But not everyone is like that. A lot of women will hit on another woman hoping that either (a) they will be or (b) they'll be attracted enough to them to uh, switch teams. My friend has dated a number of *straight* women.

Answer 7

*Instincts

If you are, you have 90% accuracy on your radar. It's the body language, manner of voice modulation (95% accuracy, esp. with gays), the way they smoke cigarettes, and the way they look at you.

While, on situational basis, if they show great concern on some matters in some "impulsive" actions they do, and how they put their hands on the pocket.

I am currently in a situation of analyzing an individual I just met last week. Hope I had a good analysis.

Answer 8

with some people, you just know.. my ex girlfriend got hit on all the time. i, however, never get hit on by women. which is quite an upsetting thing. *sniff* i will be alone forever!

Answer 9

I agree with what Skohteea said, very discreetly just ask.

Answer 10

You ask them. If they are secure with their sexuality, they won't be offended.