I'm nineteen and haven't "done it" with a girl yet because I haven't met the right one. I have a best friend who is gay. I am not a womanizer and I think women should be treated with respect? How come being a nice guy with a gay best friend makes women assume I am a homo?
2006-08-12 03:28:09 · 29 answers · asked by Sebastian 2 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Because society still ostracizes / marginalizes / oppresses / categorizes people. If there are any indications (stereotypes) that you fit this mold that they have literally shoved you into, then people will assume before anything else.
Because in their minds (put in place by their ideas), this is what gay men are supposed to be like which has been based on information they have recieved, experiences they have had and things they have heard. Not even realizing that you can't rely on a handful or even on a groupful of experiences alone.
The queer spectrum is not something that the straight community knows anything about nor takes the time to get to know. If they did, then they would see how vast of a spectrum it is.
Society still does not accept gay men. It does not accept gay men because of straight men's fear of what it means to be a man. Because it's directly correlated to the "feminine". Society still has a loathing of the feminine and anything associated with it. Even men who embrace the feminine. And because of this loathing, it results in women having self loathing for themselves and for males who fit this "feminine" stereotype. It's a vicious circle.
And if you don't fit into the "macho" stereotype and fit more into the gay stereotype, then people will assume you are gay.
The GLBT community still has a long way to go in terms of being accepted by the straight community. It still has a long way to go in terms of dismantling oppression and you are feeling this as a result of that.
"Because if you aren't in the straight men who are womanizers club, then which team are you playing on?"
2006-08-12 03:48:15 · answer #1 · answered by Victoria R 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
The fact that your best friend is gay, and that you both are together, make women simply assume that you are gay as well, and possibly the boyfriend of your friend... But only women that know you both would assume that... If you both went to another town, you may also say that you are looking for girlfriends an no one would see the difference ... I bet you a dollar....lol... But why not try to fin a girlfriend on your own? Are you always with him?
And how can he find a boyfriend if always with you? Same problem... The actual best solution would be that your best friend finds a boyfriend who has a sister that you woul like... Very complicated here... but still possible...
Good luck...
2006-08-12 21:36:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not assume that. You sound like a wonderful young man, and I personally think that who ever is doing that needs to look at the facts and see how great you are. It is great that there are men out there that are not womanizers, and that they treat women with respect. There are not a lot of men out there that can say they do treat women fairly. And as for waiting for the right one not a lot of guys do that either, me being a Christian I have to wait until I am married which will be when I find the right one. I do not think you are gay at all, I think the women that think you are gay have not given you a chance to show them who you really are.
You will find the one some day,
Love Veronica
2006-08-12 03:35:32 · answer #3 · answered by JOGOO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not about "doing it," it's about how you act and what your actions are. They see you with your best friend, who's gay. You're always with a gay guy. So, while you spend a lot of time with a guy whom everyone knows is, you wonder why they think you're also gay? And you don't have a girl, so you don't hang around with any women, just this gay guy? And yet the girls think that you're gay, because instead of dating one of them, you prefer to spend your time with your gay friend? I have no idea why anyone would think you're gay...
But, when you ended this with they "assume that you're a homo," you sort of let the rest of us know that while trying to sound so masculine and straight, you are actually gay and you don't know how to break this to the rest of the world. Just admit it to yourself first, and then go from there my gay friend.
2006-08-12 03:38:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a lot of it is due to sterotypical movies where a guy doesn't have a girlfriend or isn't dating he has to be gay.
Nothing is wrong with you and don't let people labeling you stop you from your morals and standards.
If you are asked if you are gay just turn the question back on them and it will eventually stop.
Waiting until you find the right person makes you special, and I think it is wonderful that you are sensitive and caring.
Keep up the great work.
2006-08-12 03:35:41 · answer #5 · answered by Queen Tina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, women or anyone at that matter wouldn't simply come up with a conclusion that ur a homo.Maybe its coz u ve been acting a bit too closley or intimately with ur homosexual buddy in public and people around u misunderstood u!You can clear the misconception by being freinds with women,u needn't do "it"',just befriend them and gradually when one or two of them comes to know ur not gay ,the rest of the female species will come to know about it in a matter of time!!!!Trust me the best way of spreading a news is to hand it over to a lady!!!!!!
2006-08-12 05:19:11 · answer #6 · answered by mysteriouskindness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you pretty much answered your own question. usually nice guys (i am also one of them) are considered gay because we are so rare nowadays (at least that is what i am told). i too share your views-i'm sixteen and tend to go for the long term relationships. im nice and curtious, and more often than not girls think im gay. but if you let them know your not, then they will be all over you. as for the "best friend with a gay guy" thing, well, that assumption is natural, don't you think?
2006-08-12 07:39:48 · answer #7 · answered by King Tex 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's because women tend to judge men when they don't even know them. women are very judgemental. I would not let it bother me because someone out there will see that you are just a nice guy. I think there should be alot more guys like you. And, there is nothing wrong with having a gay friend.
2006-08-12 03:41:23 · answer #8 · answered by NICKI 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most straight guys, your age, aren't sensitive to womens feeling and are just trying to get in their pants because of their hormones. Also if you are hanging around with a guy who is obviously gay, and people don't ever see you with a girlfriend, they will assume that you are gay as well.
2006-08-12 03:34:35 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because they are biased and ignorant. Keep looking for the "right one" . You will respect yourself for that in the long run. I have had people assume I was gay based on my friendship with a gay person(s). I just ignore them. They need to get a life!
2006-08-12 03:35:15 · answer #10 · answered by HAM 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋