and his mom is in serious rejection mode. She is talking about moving to a new town where no one knows, doesn't want him to hang out with his friends that he's told, and it kind of sounds like she may be setting him up for abuse charges, telling his younger brother to say he's doing stuff to him. What to do?
2006-08-12 02:52:04 · 34 answers · asked by A nobody from Oklahoma 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Mom and I are not friends, I already knew she was an evil bytch. Not in the same town, from our hometown that we left 2 years ago but kids are still very close. Little brother is only 3.5
2006-08-12 03:00:35 · update #1
As you may have already seen this is his mother's reaction to what others will think of HER not a concern for her son.
If you can talk to her by all means do so, but be prepared! You could try to tell her that this is an extremely difficult time for her son. Not only is he in his early teens which is a tough time for anyone, but he has decided to openly announce that he is gay which opens him to all kinds of prejudice and judgment from others, after all, look how his own mother is reacting. He needs her understanding and guidance now more than ever if he is going to become a happy and well-adjusted adult.
I personally believe that being gay is NOT a choice. I have seen it run in families which to me says it's genetic or nature not nurture.
You are a good mom and friend to want to help. I sincerely hope that you can do so. Please continue to be there for him.
2006-08-12 03:04:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is why it is not always a good idea to come out--you can and should accept your own gayness but other people don't need to know or can't handle it. I guess what I'd do if I were the guy is contact a gay center or a gay help line or one of the web sites that help gay teens and get a referral on a psychologist or a clergyman or clergywoman who is supportive and have that person speak with the mother. PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays might have a chapter, they could offer advice too.
2006-08-12 02:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by jxt299 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Help lead him to better options. It may just be that he and his mom should separate for a while, and that's not uncommon. Maybe he has an aunt or uncle in town who would be more supportive. Maybe some time in foster care (and you can foster, too) would help. If you can talk to the mother, too, that would be good. It could be that he's making stuff up because he's mad at her! (I've seen it, but still err on the side of believing the kid.)
He definitely needs some supportive adlts and safe places in his life; it's wonderful that you can provide both, at least for an hour or so.
2006-08-12 04:09:43 · answer #3 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's such a tragic situation. Be the responsible adult that shows these kids how to deal with adversity by your actions and your heart. Be open and supportive to your daughter and her friend. Let this young man know that he has a loving and accepting place to be safe. Help you daughter seek out teen gay centers. Support her in attending with her friend, introducing him to the resources in his community, and helping him not feel abnormal for participating in them. Offer to attend a PFLAG meeting with both of them. Talk to some folks at that meeting who can advise you on how to best support.
There is a good chance that the threat to accuse him of harming his brother is just fear and emotion vocalized, not something that will actually be done. Help this young man as appropriate, to know that he has character witnesses if it comes to that, but also to understand that his mom apparently is going through a crisis that is not about him. It's about her own stuff that she can't deal with. Her reaction is most likely the tip of bigger parenting deficiencies. So, do you best to constructively help this kid know that there is no shame in seeking counseling at any time in his life.
Remember that you are the adult. Don't get caught up in how screwed up and awful the mother is when you're with your daughter, and especially with her friend. Also, give it a really, really long think if you are tempted to talk to the mother directly. You may end up on the no contact list and that's of absolutely no use to the kid. It's not your place to tell another how to raise a child, but it is appropriate for you to nuture your daughters friends.
2006-08-12 04:07:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should stay out of it because you know something wrong is happening and if you can, you should do something about it and not just be a spectator.
Like, if the mom really sets him up for abuse charges I'd definitely tell the authorities everything I know about this woman.
I can't understand how someone can do such a thing to their own kid. Shame!
2006-08-12 03:08:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you feel the kid is in danger, even of his own Mum, you could try contacting the police directly. If she's trying to bring up false charges against her son for being gay, the police should be able to figure it out fairly easily. Try to find out if your local police have a queer (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered) liason. Let's face it, not all cops are impartial to sexuality....
However, be careful with any of this. Try to find some support perhaps from a local PFLAG who might be able to do more to help and give you the best information to help you.
It's sad the lengths some people will go to get their kids to "stop being gay". It's screwed up...
2006-08-12 06:42:42 · answer #6 · answered by Shaun B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While this boy is in the early stages of "coming out", it would be really good for both his mother and the boy to separate them. Is there another responsible adult or family that could keep the boy for a little while? The mother is wrong, but she might just need some time to adjust to the news. You should continue to love the boy, as this is a make or break time in his life.
2006-08-12 02:57:53 · answer #7 · answered by funigyrl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you can, try to talk to her about it. All she is doing is setting things up exactly as you are thinking, and the result will be alienating her 14 year old from the entire family. She needs to understand that he needs his friends right now, expecially since she is rejecting him and trying to cause all this trouble. If she frams him for abuse charges, she will likely never speak to her son again. Possibly either son
2006-08-12 05:35:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ughh! These kids keep coming on here asking about coming out and I keep telling them that if their folks are homophobes to wait until at least age 18 or even better to when they are on their own and paying their own bills. They just don't get their can be some real consequences to coming out when you are still so vulnerable.
Contact someone in pflag. Contact a local gay lesbian center. Contact the ACLU. Put him in your prayers.
2006-08-12 04:24:08 · answer #9 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Report it before she does. This gives the kid a better leg to stand on if she ever follows through on anything. If things are that bad for him he needs to get the hell out of there and maybe they could take him into protective custody. But if HE tells them she is accusing him of hurting his brother before she says anything it is points in his favor.
You are a great person for being there for this kid. Gay or straight. Too many kids in this world have nobody when their mothers are like his.
2006-08-12 03:15:49 · answer #10 · answered by Justme 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋