my best friend told me that if i pursue a relationship with her brother, that she will no longer be my friend. This really hurts my feelings because I love my best friend and don't understnad why she wouldn't want me to be with him. Also, the guy in question and I have had an a great time and made a fantastic connection. We can talk for hours and laugh and he makes me happy, just as I make him happy. I am torn on what to do because I don't feel as though real friends give ultimatims on friendships. suggestions? opinions?
2006-08-12 02:05:10 · 21 answers · asked by michelleleestonge 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Sounds like she is the one with the problem. Many people are good friends when their brother or sisters partners. It sounds like she is just not being a good friend or she's having jealousy issues. Tell her your not going to stop dating her brother just because she says so. Only you and him will decide when the relationship ends and she will just have to put up with it or learn to ignore you when you spend the night.
2006-08-12 02:09:13 · answer #1 · answered by puzzle55usa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I just want to say that if your 'friend' feels this way, she is obviously not a true friend. If she were a true friend, she would be happy for you and her brother, but maybe she's jealous of your brother b/c if you pursue a relationship w/ him he'll get the bulk of your attention. Idk... that's her business.
Now, I was taught that there is always more than one choice. You can choose to go in the right direction or u can choose to go in the left direction (I'm not going to say wrong direction b/c sometimes you have to choose between two wrongs... you just have to know how to choose the better of the two.) What I would do is count all the advantages and disadvantages if you should decide to keep your 'friend', and count all the advantages and disadvantages if you should decide to pursue a relationship w/ her brother. Whichever scenario presents you w/ the most advantages wins.
However, it may not be so easy. So you can always choose to go straight down the middle. Instead of choosing one over the other... you can choose none.
I've done all I can do to help you... and I really do hope this helps, but in the end, the final decision is always yours.
2006-08-12 02:26:28 · answer #2 · answered by ╚>Miss-4-point-0 [[♥]] 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it. Life is short and even if things do not work out between you and the brother you won't be left wondering "what if" forever.
Tell your "friend" that you are really sorry that she's upset that you are dating her brother, but it is because you see some of the many wonderful qualities in her brother that you saw in her as a friend that you want to date him.
Ask her why she is upset that you are dating her brother? Is it because you are spending less time with her? Try to set aside some time to spend just with her, without him present. Hopefully that will help her adjust to the situation.
2006-08-12 04:19:14 · answer #3 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand friendship, romance, and family does not mix. If for some reason you and this guy break up or whatever, your friendship will go down the toilet because feelings will be hurt and weird situations. If it is a bad break up, you will never go to her house again because you might see him there. Besides, if you are that good of friend with her, you two might be like family to each other, you do not want to mess with family stuff. It's just a very touchy situation that is all.
2006-08-12 02:13:07 · answer #4 · answered by Ian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder why she feels so threatened by this. That is sad. She should be delighted. You could end up being her sister in law! She is acting too foolish. ASK HER WHY AND BRING IT OUT IN THE OPEN but if she will really hate you for that then I would find someone else (boyfriend) instead of making everyone miserable and how about a new best friend too?? Mine disappointed me too after 16 years so I sure know how it is. People can let you down and it does hurt.
2006-08-12 02:09:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been the boyfriend in this situation before. I fell for my sisters best friend like a rock in water. We started dating and my sister got so pissed that she gave her friend the same ultimatum. She chose to end the friendship, but my sister went on to make my life hell. I realized that it wasn't that my sister objected to her friend dating me, she objected to me dating her Friend. Long story short, we split up because the stress was too much to take, and my sister and my ex girlfriend both carry a bullet with the others name on it.
My best advice is to think about what it will mean to end this relationship. You and your friend are always going to have a scar on your friendship, and there's nothing anyone could do to change that. Understand that she sees the relationship as her brother meddling in her life, and she wants your companionship to be the way it was. If you do decide to stay with him, understand that she might lash out in ways you cannot fathom.
2006-08-12 02:15:46 · answer #6 · answered by Wonder Weirdo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was a good friend, she would not be giving you this ultimatum. Listen, the best thing you can do is try to talk about what is really bothering her, and tell her exactly how it makes you feel. My advice, don't dump this guy. I know there is that saying... chicks before dicks... but in this case, your friend is being a bad friend, and unless she has a good reason why you shouldn't date her brother, you have no reason to dump him just because of her selfish desires... hope this helps
2006-08-12 02:10:40 · answer #7 · answered by vanillafr0st1ng 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you r right it's not fair that she would do that.As u say that u guys have been friends 4 a good time.2 tell the truth she should be happy that u want 2 date him.If i was u i would set down & talk 2 her & ask why?Pluse let her know how well u 2 get along & the way u feel.After all that she steal has problem then u need 2 talk 2 him & let him know what is going on.
2006-08-12 02:17:33 · answer #8 · answered by ~One~Of~A~Kind~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason what so ever that you shouldn't still be able to have her as a best friend and date her brother. Unless she knows something that she is not telling you, like if by some chance that he is cheating on you or something. I would have a talk with her and ask what the reason is that she doesn't want you to see him and still be best friends with her.
2006-08-12 02:14:26 · answer #9 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is a true friend then she would never give you this ultimatum,she must not think much of you and obviously does not think you are worthy of her brother,either that or she is afraid her bro will hurt you,you need to sit down with her and ask her right plain out what the reason is and then take it from there
2006-08-12 02:11:24 · answer #10 · answered by TAMMY M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋