and I have been separated for 4 years our sons hold it against me Because I walked out.He had lovers from the first night.They think I did the injustice by leaving.Now when there father comes home they make apoint to come see him but will pass my home 2times one going and 1 leaveing but they never stop. My question is should I go back to my husband so I can see my grandkids?
2006-08-11 23:34:00 · 15 answers · asked by Rynes dixieangel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, its a very tough question. You might not, and if he wasnt faithful to you, there is no reason to go back to him, but I think you need your grandkids and they need you. Go visit them and keep the bonds established. Maybe your husband has changed over the years and you will have a second chance... maybe.
2006-08-11 23:37:30 · answer #1 · answered by Phaedrus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They may have a point regarding injustice. Do you think they do not know about the others? You put up with it for 29 years and then walked out? Its hard to believe that was the reason. This is just a thought and it is not pleasant. Is it possible that your children just do not like you? Is it possible that you made numerous complaints about him for years, complaints that the kids were not party to. Your children have their own relationship with their father. It sounds like your attempts to be the martyr backfired. That is the risk of attempting to sour the children against someone. If they do not see the transgressions then you come off as a shrew. Your question should be should I go back to my husband because I should go back? The grand kid reasoning is displacement just as the I'm staying together for the children story. Never said that did you? Its time for you to talk to your husband. I'll try that again, TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND.
Its past time to be married or divorced not separated. Put an end to this one way or the other. Where the kids are concerned its the only way you might ever have them as yours again.
2006-08-12 00:50:42 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I know you are suffereing and want your sons now more than ever. Going back to a cheating husband is not the answer though. It sounds like your sons are being selfish and are not seeing your side of things. Do they know that their father had lovers? If not, tell them. They are old enough to know the truth about their father. This doesn't mean that they will stop loving him, but perhaps start understanding you. Tell them you need to talk to them, get them together and tell them why you felt compelled to leave the marriage without saying anything downright nasty about their father. In fact, try to think of a few nice things to say about him. Tell them that no matter what has happened between their father and you, that you both still love them and want a relationship with them and their children. If you've already tried this and it hasn't worked, I say try to go on with your life and pray that your sons will figure things out eventually. Going back isn't the answer. Good luck to you.
2006-08-12 02:16:29 · answer #3 · answered by mab5096 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, you should NOT return to your husband. It is obvious that your sons are hurt by the break-up of the family (it was a lot to go through). You need to find a way to communicate with your sons and help them to understand why you did what you did. If your kids are grown men, I hope they will eventually come to accept this and forgive you for it. Right now there seems to still be a lot of emotions brewing and who knows? They might actually be wanting contact from you but won't make the move themselves because their pride is getting in their way. Since you are the mother, you should at least attempt to communicate with them. I am sorry you are going through this. This is a tough situation and I sincerely hope you can all move past the hurt and forgive each other. I wish you luck.
2006-08-12 00:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, they will return, all pidgeons come to roost.
you could try to put the matter right by taking a pen and paper and writing a letter to your sons ,explaining the cicumstances of the divorce, and requesting that they meet with you on neutral territory, stay away from bars, alcohol only inflames already heighten stress levels on both sides, pick a place where they can bring the grandchildren, a family restaurant for example, if money is tight then a local park, do not get revengeful, you are the one who will come off worse, regards and good luck.LF
2006-08-11 23:46:03 · answer #5 · answered by lefang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're thoroughly superb suited. Your brother taking over that duty replaced into his determination, not yours, and you're actually not in charge for fixing the errors in judgement. i would not be shocked in the experience that your mom's presence of their residing house accelerated the divorce subject. 3 is a crowd... you do not say how previous your mom is or how cellular/senile she is. There are assisted residing properties that are targetted to the two the extra motionless/senile team and the extra lively senors. it would be like a school dorm yet back. ;) or you may seek for an place of abode complicated or some thing that ought to grant an outstanding residing area for her till the incapacity comes with the aid of. Your brother's marriage could be on the rocks, yet that would not excuse him from not helping out with mom. So in case you adult men ought to discover a place and chop up the invoice, it may lighten the burden on you the two. i realize it rather is not hardship-free, yet mom needs to understand what's occurring. As yet another man or woman placed it, she made her mattress whilst she spoke out against your husband. She's fortunate you talk to her in any respect. If she receives snotty with you for leaving at the back of her or some thing, lay it out for her and tell her to suck it up. She's a grown woman and could know extra suited approximately outcomes than any of you youthful whippersnappers. :P good luck in a stressful subject. I concern i will have some thing comparable interior the destiny with my very very own mom. Yay. lol
2016-10-01 23:44:52 · answer #6 · answered by jeudy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the correct answer but I do know this the problem is with your estranged husband and your sons. There is a such thing as grandparents rights and it is wrong to keep them from a grandmother that I'm sure loves them very much. Speak to an attorney. Good Luck and my thoughts are with you.
2006-08-12 01:18:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, you might regret the decision to go back if you were so unhappy while you were in the marriage.
I believe the best course of action is to tell the truth. Sit your children down and tell them why you left. Answer any questions they may have regarding the situation. Let them know you want to be part of their lives. Help them to understand you have no desire to be with their father, but you miss them, and with their permission, want to be an involved grandmother, supporting them in their lives. After that, it is up to them. But do call, send cards and visit them. The road runs both ways! Good luck to you.
2006-08-12 04:08:10 · answer #8 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First let me say how truley sorry I am for your loss, my heart and blessings go out to you. Second, all I can say is pray and let God, you can't subject yourself to a marriage just to see the grandkids don't set that example for them. Your sons will hopefully see the light, don't stop trying to be in their life though, never give up.!!! Good luck.
2006-08-11 23:41:29 · answer #9 · answered by Completly in love... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing try explaining the whole situation to them and let them know what you went through and why you walked out give them time to process the information and eventually they'll come around! No don't go back to him if he's a cheat!
2006-08-12 00:05:15 · answer #10 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋