can the death of my dad in 2001 have an affect me mentally for the rest of my life?

Question

i still miss him very much.i still love my dad very much.i used to drink alot after he died.i dont drink anymore and the pain of missing him is worse.my husband said i should get some help.

Answer 1

I am sorry for your loss and grief,Time usually heals all wounds,
Your pain should go away, unless you choose to keep it,
Normally, after loss of loved ones, the pain lightens up, you never forget, and the thoughts and feelings make an emotional adjustment,

You being so depressed, and still having that much pain says to me, that you do not want to let go,(of the pain)
Maybe out of guilt, or that you would be somehow betraying your love for your dad by getting over it..
and the pain you feel, may be the only way to keep your father alive in your mind,
Please do not be offended by what i say, i am only giving my opinion from my heart,

I want to say something to you,please picture this, i heard a man who was on Oprah show , his name is Gary i forget the last name, but he is a great and sensitive writer, and he wrote the book :SEAT TO YOUR SOUL.
anyway, the show was about grief, and mourning for the loss of someone,, and i wll never forget, one woman who had a family, husband, children etc was grieving over loss of her beautiful daughter who was murdered violently. This woman could not, and would not get past that experience, years past, the killer in prison etc, she was so depressed, and angry, and could not let go, Also keep in mind, the woman had other children,and a husband in which sh became a stranger to,
did not share chrismas, joy, family events, withdrew from physical activities, in the home although she did not leave, she was barely functioning, and did not want or have interest in anything, other than the loss of her daughter, and it was sad, and she was in such pain, and did realize that her grief crippled the other family who also were affected deeply for two reasons the loss of a sister, and the loss of the mother who withdrew from them., so,
when the man Gary, spoke of death, and loss, he told her this, WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER, OR LOVED ONE PASSES, THEIR SPIRIT LINGERS, AND WILL NOT LEAVE THE ONE, OR ONES THAT HAS ALMOST UNBEARABLE PAIN,
THEY WILL JUST STAY NEAR, OUT OF LOVE,,
YET THEY DO HAVE A JOURNEY , WAITING FOR THEM AS WE ALL WILL EXPERIENCE, THE JOURNEY IS TO GIVE THEM PEACE, UNDERSTANDING, AND GO TO A HIGHER PLANE, OF FREEDOM, AND BEAUTY,

HOWEVER, IF WE WILL NOT LET GO OF THE GRIEF, AND CONTINUE TO STAY IN THE STATE OF DISBELIEF, HORROR, ANGER, OR SADNESS, THEY CAN NOT MOVE ON, SO THEY ARE SORT OF TRAPPED BY THE GRIEF OF THE PERSON MOURNING THEM..and they suffer as well, and are tormented until they are released to the next stage,,,

IF WE TRULY LOVE THEM, AND OF COURSE (YOU DO) YOU MUST BE WILLING TO SET THEM FREE, TO GO ON THE JOURNEY OF WHATEVER GOD HAS IN STORE FOR THEM, THIS DOES NOT MEAN THEY FORGET YOU OR STOP LOVING YOU,
IT MEANS YOU LOVE THEM, AND YOU WANT THEM TO BE OK, AND IN PEACE AND SPIRITUAL COMFORT, AND PERHAPS GET THE REWARDS FOR THEIR SOUL,, you need to let go, and set them free,
AND what was amazing, was watching this program, i saw this womans face as this man explained, this truly remarkable concept.. and it was as if a light went on in her head, she immediately looked ten years younger, and it seemed to give her an answer, or choice that was
out of love from her to her daughter,and allowed her to let go of rage and anger.
The follow up on this powerful story, which has forever changed me, is the mother finally had closure, and realized she was keeping her daughters spirit in prision but did not mean to, and so she had closure, said goodbye, and truly told lher daughter that she was ok and that her daughter is free to move on , and she was ok with that and set her daughters, spirit and soul free,
Not only did the woman change for the better, she woke up from a dark place she lived in her mind, she became a person to participate in her own life, with husband and other children,
This woman eventually went to the prison and confronted the man who killed her daughter, although, not easy, she eventually let go of anger, rage, hatred, and forgave the man, and she completely, cleansed her own spirit, and was able to love and be loved again,

I hope that point of view could possibly help you heal and go on with your life, and remember that as long as you love your father, he will never die, his spirit lives on, and will always live in your heart,
Your father would not want you to greive, and be in so much pain to prove your love lfor him, he knows, he is connected to you forever,,so give him joy, so he can move on.and remember, your husband is deserving of your love, and the best you can give to him

good luck,

Answer 2

Of course it will affect you. When someone dies, it leaves a metaphorical 'hole' in your life.

There are 3 ways you can deal with this hole.

(1). You can ignore the hole, pretend it's not there; - the onlt trouble is that occasionally you will fall into it and then you will be in a terrible state.

(2). You can 'skirt' around the hole, mentioning it and pretending that you are ok with it. Again you will fall down the hole occasionally.

(3). Every so often, you can go and sit on the edge of the hole and look down into its deepest core. - This is the healthy way.

You need to talk. something has happened that you don't understand and cannot comprehend. None of us understand death really, do we? We shut it away and pretend its not there and then when it happens, we can't deal with it. I know; I lost someone close to me 2 years ago.

Bereavement counselling could help, but also explaining to your family and friends that you really do need to talk about this, to work it through and try to understand it.

You will never get over your Dad's death; - you should not expect to! You will however with time and plenty of talking learn to live alongside your loss.

I hope this helps and I am very sorry for your loss.

Michael.

Answer 3

My grandfather died when I was a child and I still miss him now that I am 23 years old. He was my hero and he affected my life in a way no-one has ever did. I wanted him to live longer so I could spend more time with him...but death is something that we can't control. We just continue our lives and always remember our beloved ones who passed away...they never die if they live in our memories. If it's hard for you to deal with it, I think that you should get some help. I've studied psychology (bachelor's degree)...and I believe that it's good to go to a psychologist to help you to move on. Life is a present...you can't live in the past...appreciate your life and always remember that you have people who love you (for example your husband) and want you to smile again and be happy. Your dad would be happy if you were happy too I guess...think about it!

Answer 4

Everyone has different ways of coping, and sometimes it may be hard for a person to cope with a death of someone you love very much without outside help. If you're still having difficulties moving on and if it's impacting on your life, I would strongly suggest you get some help. It may be something as simple as talking to a counselor. Good luck.

Answer 5

Listen love. Everyone dies. It's the natural thing to do. Get used to it. Time to move on. It's nice to remember him & I'm sure you loved him. But, it's time to let go. Get on with your own life & cherish each day you have with your husband, your kids & friends because they all love you. Just think, If you are a religious person, that he is in Heaven and whooping it up with the big GF, J & HS.
Oh! and stay off the booze It'll make thing worse in the long run.

Answer 6

My dear.

You said that you used to drink after he died. Yes we are allow to mourn but dont use negative things in excess. Your father would not have wanted you to become an alcoholic. He would want you to progress with your life. May be you need to occupy yourself very well with doing a new degree course or something big and drastically positive so that it will help you on the recovery road.

Answer 7

It can but it doesn't have to. You can release yourself. It may get "worse" before it gets better. By analogy, you know that a cloud releases the rain in itself and then the sky is clear to let the sunshine in. The first step is often to allow oneself to fully feel the feelings and not pretend about it. If your husband and other close people are not able to hear you, or have had enough because five years is to them "too long", you may want to get professional counselling because it can be so precious to be heard, listened to, accepted and understood.

Answer 8

Yes it can.

Whenever a parent dies it have have incredible psychological effects on a person. Change of diet, personality traits, self destructive behavior are all possible places this can lead to.

As you already drank heavily, that is a great example of self destructive behavior. Eventually it will begin to affect your relationship with other family members and your husband.

Seek out professional help now...you'll thank me later.

I had a girlfriend at one time who lost her father before we started to date and it caused so much emotional grief she was unable to have a relationship or function in the real world. She suffered from depression, and other problems such as low self esteem. Most of these issues steamed from her father. I would hate to see you suffer like she does on a daily basis because she never sought out help.

Answer 9

Always, even if he didn't play a big role in your life, losing someone you look up to always leaves a mental scar, mourning a parent always helps to heal the scar left by his departure, good to hear your not drinking anymore, channeling your anger by means of liquor only postpones the pain, it doesn't help to deal with the pain. No need to go get help, mourning a parent is like eating, gotta do it.
I hope i helped.

Answer 10

Yes, I've experienced simular situation with the passing of a family member in l990, and I'm still affected to this day. Just be strong, and ask yourself, "if this is how my loved one would want me to react", or carry on and be the person you were brought here to be.

Answer 11

Anytime someone you love and are very attached to it can have an affect on you for a very long time. i lost my 6 day old daughter 3 years ago and will never be ok