I want a baby but my boyfriend doesn't want another one just yet?

Question

I'm 23 and I've been with my bf for 3 years. He haas full custody of his 2 kids from his previous marriage and I really want a baby. I've been pregnant before with him and I had an abortion (my choice 100%. He didn't know about it until after) and I really regret what I did. I want to have one but he said he's not ready to have another one just yet. I'm thinking of not taking my birth control so I can get pregnant

He was unhappy when I told him about the abortion but said I made the choice that was right for me. From that comment I get that he would be happy to have another baby.

For everyones information I am mature enough to have a baby. I've been in his kids life since we've been together. His son is 3, I've been dating my bf for 3 years so I took care of him as an infant. I simply want to have a baby now of my own.

Answer 1

If he is not ready and you love him,respect his decision to wait.To go behind his back and try and become pregnant is wrong.That is not a good way to build a trusting relationship.

Answer 2

Have you ever heard..........

Anyone can be an egg donor/sperm donor but it takes a special person to be a mommy/daddy?

You have two beautiful children now. You said that you had taken care of one since an infant. Be grateful for the children you have now in your life.
And just be patient until you and your partner are "both" ready to have another child. Your only 23 so you have alot of time.
Do not be sneaky and get pregnant that is not the right thing to do. And it could very well cause alot of problems in your relationship. TRUST is the key to any relationship and without it then there is no relationship.
Don't do anything stupid to destroy the trust.

Your partner may feel that if yall had a biological child together that his children may get put on the back burner, that you may not love these children as much or show these children as much love and care. He is probably scared about this issue.
Talk to him about it, ask him if this is how he is feeling. Find out the reason he wants to wait. And then discuss with him a time frame for yall to have a child together.
I'm sure that yall can come to an agreement on it.

But do not destroy the trust by being sneaky and lying about your birth control.

Answer 3

Why do you want to skip the steps leading up to deciding mutually to have a child together. Obviously, it didn't keep his previous marriage together and can you blame him on wanting to wait.....the last child is only 3. Why not get married first and what made you make a decison to have an abortion without telling him in the first place? How do you think it will make him feel that you deceived him again (when you quit taking the pill)??? Why are you willing to make these huge decisions like he isn't even there? All I can say is don't make another mistake by deciding something so major without his knowledge. It simply is wrong and you must know that deep down inside.

Answer 4

Oh definitely stop taking the birth control and secretly get pregnant even though he has expressed he doesn't want anymore kids right now. If there is anything guys love it is being trapped by a deceiving dishonest girl, nothing better for a relationship than feeling forced to be there. It would be a huge mistake. Making a baby, rasing a baby, supporting a baby and loving takes/needs both parties to want it, dont strain a relationship with that. That is horrible for you to even consider it!!! And very self centered. You have 2 choices wait this relationship out without out secretly getting knocked up and see if he changes his mind or accept no kids with him. OR move on and find someone with the same life goals and ambitions.

Answer 5

I don't dispute that you're mature enough--- but are you financially and emotionally prepared to have a baby of your own? Do the two of you have decent jobs that would help support a family of 5? And what about health insurance to cover your doctor bills? There's soooo many things you need to think about before you guys take the plunge---you have to make sure that you're ready, cuz you won't be able to turn back 1/2 way through!

Answer 6

It is very important to communicate and have honesty between two people in a relationship. There is no compromise if one person wants a child and the other does not. A baby is a real and important decision that lasts a lifetime. Tricking him into fatherhood is going to devastate the relationship and make it worse, never better. After three years you have the right to have your own child. Obviously, he has all the best of all possible worlds. He has a woman who acts like a wife to him, takes care of his children and she is demanding nothing in return. Tell him that you need to get married and have a child of your own. Your needs are not being satisfied. Love is about sharing and this is one-sided and starting to list. Get it on track or move on and let him take care of his own damn kids.You are being used and unfulfilled.

Answer 7

Ever hear of marriage? You already aborted one baby, now you're thinking of not taking birth control so you can have one without his consent out of wedlock? You don't need to be a mother right now. Get you act together before you have a child to raise. You owe it to the child.

Answer 8

If you are feeling guilty about the abortion, it's a bad time to have a baby, at least until you get that resolved within yourself.

As far as not taking your birthcontrol pills -- deception will not make your relationship with your boyfriend stronger, but it could possibly ruin it. You could wind up losing him, even if you get pregnant.

Be honest and up-front with him about this particular issue, even if you aren't always. That's a life-altering decision and he deserves the opportunity to provide some input in regard to his future.

Answer 9

Think of what you just said. He said you made the right choice about the abortion. Will he tell you to get an abortion when you get pregnant again. Beware of men who have been married and have children. The same could happen to you. He could leave you and end up with your child too. Sounds to me like he only wants to get laid and not want to be the father of your child. [e-mail]

Answer 10

It's a horrible idea to try to trick someone into being a parent. You have to talk to him and find out since he's not ready now, when does he think he will be. You're young, settle down, you have plenty of time to have his baby. But again, stopping your birth control without telling him is horrible, manipulative, and dishonest, don't do it.