How do i prepare for the death of a loved one?

Question

My Grandmother is sick, and is not looking good. I'm an adult, and VERY close to my grandmother. She raised me the first half of my life. I understand death and i understand that it's part of life. I need some kind of help preparing for the moment that it happens. She is the last grandparent I have, and, with that, when she dies, my parents are next in line, and i am going to be like my parents. I'm having a really hard time accepting this. Any help would be appreciated.

My Grandmother is sick, and is not looking good. I'm an adult, and VERY close to my grandmother. She raised me the first half of my life. I understand death and i understand that it's part of life. I need some kind of help preparing for the moment that it happens. She is the last grandparent I have, and, with that, when she dies, my parents are next in line, and i am going to be like my parents. I'm having a really hard time accepting this. Any help would be appreciated. (She lives in KY i live in TX, i had a visit with her a couple months ago, so i'm lucky to have seen her up and about and healthy when i did. I'm also debating if i should go up there with the rest of my family, or have my last memory of her be when she was healthy.)

Answer 1

I am very sad to hear about your grandmother, I was very close to my maternal grandmother who also raised me until her death when I was 14. I wish I could say differently but there really is no way to "prepare" for the death of anyone you love. You can find comfort in the knowledge their life wasn't in vain (you are a good example of that) and that their suffering is over, few realize we grieve not for those lost but for what we ourselves have lost. I wish I could tell you it gets easier as you get older, but it doesn't. Every loss is different. I am only 44 and have outlived all of my grandparents, both my parents, dozens of my friends and even my first child and grandson. If you are a religious person, turn to God for the courage you are going to need. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Tell her how much you love her, spend as much time as possible with her now and hold tight to your good memories, they too will help God Bless You.

Answer 2

It is difficult. It mostly really depends on your beliefs. Do you believe she is going to heaven? Do you believe that her suffering will be over? Do you believe that death is a bad thing? Will your parents be following soon after or do you think they have many years left?

Try to celebrate all the years that you have had with her. I lost my grandmother who raised me until I was 11 when I was 12. In a lot of ways I've never gotten over it. However, I have learned to treasure everything she taught me and smile when I see a shadow of her in any of my family.

Allow yourself plenty of time to grieve, both BEFORE and after the death. Personally, if it were me, I would go see her now. It may be easier to let go of her, seeing that she is not the same healthy vibrant woman you saw last. You may also need some time to say goodbyes, in your heart if not to her herself. I have never heard anyone say they regretted visiting a family member who was near the end but I have met some who wish they had been there.

Answer 3

The most difficult thing about "preparing" for the death of a loved one is surpressing your profound sadness when you are around them. It is never easy to accept these losses but you MUST. Death has no order of preference when it comes to age or relationships. People die at all ages with children sometimes, preceding their parents. Honesty with yourself is the best policy you can follow. When you are with your grandmother, try to think more about her needs and wishes than about your own. This will make her feel your love and appreciation in spite of what she may be going through at the end of her life. When you are alone or with others who understand, CRY and let your grief out so you can refresh your determination to function in this difficult situation. Listen to what your grandmother has to say and her own feelings about what is happening. Depending on what her attitude is, it is often very helpful to share your feelings of love with a dying person, when they are aware of and accepting of what is happening to them. It is nearly impossible to be fully prepared for the moment of someone's death because no one really knows when it is coming and when it comes, it is not likely to be as dramatic as many people expect it to be. The only difference is she will no longer have vital signs.
The best way to prepare at this time is to BE THERE for your grandmother and respect her wishes. Work as harmoniously as possible with your parents to prepare financially and strategically for final expenses before the time comes because you may not be up to it then. Feel free to share this with your parents, too.

Answer 4

Hi my name is Cesar, I m sorry for knowing that, I see that you already noticed about this situation, that your relative has to die, well it is really hard when we think in a negative way,like she is living, she wont be with me again, but why do not think positively, now that is her time to go, don`t you think that it will be better like that, I mean I belive she`s already too old and she may not want to continue living, she may be tired, when people are old is very complicated for them to do lots of things, and it`s better for them to rest, sometimes we worry too much about DEATH , buy personally, before I get to that age I would like to pass the way before I suffer illness, such as cancer, and many other that are painful, so if your grandma has this kind of issue, don`t you think that , that is not what we call living? living with medicine, going to the hospital each time that she doesn`t feel good? do you think she calls that life?or living? the cannot even move freely as they would like to. If I were you I would prey to God to pick her up and stop suffering, you will rest cause you will know that your grandma is now resting without medicine, and doctors injecting her every 2 or 5 hours. she has already lived what GOD has wanted now, now just prey and let her rest in peace and do not show her that you feel bad, cause she will feel bad and she wont rest in peace. remember when God brought to life to Lazaro Jesus Christ said that Lazaro was sleeping, your grandma will be doing the samething. hope this help little bit more.

Answer 5

You can't. I thought I was ready when my mother died after a long illness. I'm smart, emotionally intelligent, even. I'd deliberately made myself think about life after she died for as long as a couple years before she actually died, because I knew I'd be devastated -- I just didn't know how profoundly. I wasn't ready in the least for what I've experienced in the past 4 months.

I'm so sorry, girlfriend. It's going to hurt. Just remember you're not alone.

Answer 6

Spend as much time as you can with her. Take care of her and comfort her. Share your memories and your love. Be prepared to say good-bye if she brings it up. Pray for her and for yourself for comfort. There's no great way to prepare for it. I lost my sister not long ago and it's still affecting me in a big way. The best thing I did was just to be with her as often as I possibly could during her final time. I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish you well.

Answer 7

There is no way to prepare for a death mentally. But there are ways to make things easier to deal with. Get all important papers together now such as her will, life ins policy, etc.... Preplan her funeral. I know this sounds like your jumping the gun but believe me these are things that when you are grieving can get too overwhelming. I wish you all the best.

Answer 8

That is a hard thing to prepare for. One way to think about it is, "she's gone to a better place now." I havn't had to deal with this so much, im a lucky one. But what i suggest, is make her last time here with you, very memorable. And good luck.

Answer 9

i am so sorry. i have never lost anyone in my family yet. i really wish i could help. all i can say is, in time, you will get over it and move on. (for in the future) good luck.

Answer 10

tell the love one who is going to die how u feel about them and how much ur going to miss