So my best friend asked me some personal questions and im not sure how to best answer them for her.
She said that she isnt in love with her husband any more and is thinking of seeking divorce. She has children and the youngest is 4. Her 4 year old is very attached to his father, and it would most likely cause great stress.
She wanted to know what I thought, but honestly I dont think she should do it. I feel that her children have a really good father that loves them and provides for them. My friend has no job, and in my opnion not trying to work things out with her man.
She say that hes very distant with her, never says he lvoes her, doesnt celebrate their aniversary or every want to have sex with her. But she says that she doesnt belive hes cheating because hes been like this before they were married.
I'm over my head because i have different beleifs than her and dont think divorce should be an option when hes not physically hurting her.
What do you guys think?
2006-08-11 19:32:19 · 8 answers · asked by chicata25 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this is what I feel also. They have been married for only 4 years, infact my husband and I were married about the same time as they were.I dont think they have been married long enough to really know what the future will hold. I mean they ares till sorting out their lives.
When I tell her this she was like well you and your husband are doing great and you never fight, and your sex life is great blablah blahhh.
I told her well honestly we have have our moments when we want to kill each other to, but we go in seperate rooms and cool down. Also we talk about what we want to change in our relashion ship, and we are very open with each other with every thing, including our sexual life.
So I kinda think she is compairing my marriage with hers, but its not the same at all. We are way different women with way different educational back grounds and family values, ect.
I really think shes trying to cop out because she wants to go mess around with other men. Which isnt a good for her
2006-08-11 20:00:55 · update #1
I agree, good advice here. Especially from Valmart. Stay out of it and offer no opinions. She is only looking for validation of her decision from you. Don't offer it, but let her know you are her friend and will be there for her as well as her husband if you are friends with him, too. A tough line to walk, but it can be done.
2006-08-12 04:30:29 · answer #1 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your friend that while you feel for her situation, you don't feel that you are qualified to give her advise on such a life altering decision. Friends should never ask or give this sort of advise because it always ends up hurting their relationship. If the couple get back together and you have advised they should part, then you are the bad guy. If you advise her to stay with him and she continues to be miserable, she blames you. You, the friend, just can't win. It's a difficult situation for all concerned and while you want to help your friend the best thing you can do for her is to be a sympathetic ear and shoulder for her to cry on and let her know that you will always be there for her. Then offer to help her to find some good counseling and just let her know that you care too much about your friendship to risk jeopardizing it by giving bad advise. If she is any kind of friend she will understand and appreciate your honesty.
2006-08-11 20:02:51 · answer #2 · answered by Chaddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I don't believe she should stay in a marriage for the children. That is really fake. The atmosphere can be cover up only for so long.
I used to have the same views on divorce, but if you are unhappy with someone and if all things have been done to make it work and it still has no hope then enough is enough. A person can't control their love.
2006-08-11 19:37:33 · answer #3 · answered by sweetcincylove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to buy "The commitment chronicles" and "For Women Only, what you need to know about the inner lives of men" these books can be found at amazon.com. They are awesome and they will help her out in understanding her husband and how to change the relationship to the better even without telling him about it or even having him cooperate. She should give her marriage another chance, for the sake of the children. They are the ones who suffer the most, I know, my parents are divorced and it hurt a lot, and still does and I'm 31.
Also check out the new TLC program on Mondays at 10pm called: ONe week to save your marriage...
2006-08-11 19:50:02 · answer #4 · answered by munich13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
relationships - marriage , family these are the most important part of any humans life. a lot of times there comes a situation that the driving force to keep them going is temporarily gone(human nature). we all wander unknowingly in this vast field called life. in this situation a person shall have faith in the other and keep going. i hope your friend married her husband as she could have faith in him.
proper communications is the biggest part. if u do not like something why dont u ask y is that happening - after all u are his significant other. why does nt she simply ask her husband the same things.
moreover , now she has kids. its not only him , now , she has the responsibility of her kids too and it is well known fact that kids do need both parents to help them learn life in the best way.
she needs to discuss these things with her husband as soon as possible. before things get worser and worser.
thinking of divorce is cowardice. its like running away from problem instead of dealing with it.
2006-08-11 19:47:01 · answer #5 · answered by i don know y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not good for any marriage to end, especially when there's children involved. She should try counseling first, and do whatever she can to save the marriage. But if she's at the point that she feels she can't do anything else, then maybe the best solution is to separate, and live apart.
2006-08-11 19:36:23 · answer #6 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to agree with you. I know that it would be hard to live in a marriage where there wasn't any love. I once heard and maybe it is advice that you can give your friend is your spend as much on working on your marriage through couselling or some kind of help as you did on getting married. So if you spent $5000 on getting married you should spend $5000 on help to get your marriage back on track and then if that doesn't work at least you know you have spent as much on your marriage as you did on getting married.
2006-08-11 19:38:10 · answer #7 · answered by Rebjam 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
good answers here http://www.barbaradeangelis.com/advice.asp
2006-08-11 20:19:06 · answer #8 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋