I'm going crazy!?

Question

I'm a stay at home mom with 4 kids (2 boys, 7 and 6 - 2 girls, 3 and 1). I need a break from my kids! I love them to death, but I need to get out and have a little bit of time for myself. I can't really get my hubby to understand this. I never go anywhere without the kids. They are ALWAYS with me. If I do leave by myself long enough to run to the store or something, when I come back, my hubby says the kids wouldn't listen to him and all our youngest did was cry. Of course she's going to cry - she's used to me being with her constantly! I've tried to explain this all to him but all he says is he'll try to find time to give me some time out away from the house by myself - and I never get it! I'm so stressed out that I've literally been losing weight and I'm up to smoking 2 packs a day and have now developed insomnia. I'm a complete wreck! How do I get my husband to give me the break I so desperately need? Unfortunately, there's no one else to watch my kids to give me the time

I do, however, try to give him his own personal time once or twice a month to go play cards and hang out with his family and friends. So I don't really feel that I'm being selfish in this. And he gets to leave the house by himself all the time to go help his family with stuff or to play chauffer to them.

That's the other thing that I don't understand. He helps with the kids very willingly when he's home. He loves the kids with all of his heart and loves playing with them.

I think now after reading my question again, it's not so much the kids that I need a break from as much as I just need some time for myself away from EVERYTHING! Just a little time to get away from it all!

Answer 1

I am in a similar situation, but i have 2 kids an 11 yr old girl who i don't know what I would do without and I have a 4 month old boy. We have decided that I am not returning back to work which is a real change for me. Anyway. I had been feeling that way also, it seemed like he always had somewhere to go or do but the kids never tagged a long. I was feeling guilty one point for even thinking of asking because he was working so many hours to ensure our home was tooken care of. But I said the hell with that He is supposed to he is the man of the house. I told him plainly and simple I need a break. You have your time all the time every one needs a time to just unwind and take a breather just for themselves. I asked him don't he ever feel that way and he said yes I said well thats how I feel now and I am about to explode if I don't get out. I know your position in our home is very important and it wears you down, but you get an off day and vacation from yor job mine is everlasting he agreed now every Friday is my time. Do you know what so funny. I end up soaking in the tub with a book and do you know that feels sooo good. It also feels good to be in the same house with my children but see him do my thing.

You are going to have to make him understand. There are so many things that can happen when you feel the way you do. Not saying that you would do anything crazy but you can have a nervous breakdown or anything then what will he do. Ask him what he would do if something like that where to happen. My cousin told her husband that she need some time to herself she didn't wait for a response or anything she just left out the door.
You have to be in a good physical and mental state to raise and take care of your children...

Answer 2

Well, the 2 boys should be back in school soon, and you can enroll the 3 year old in preschool, and that should help IMMENSELY. If you are homeschooling your children, I would enroll them in school right now, you need the break from them, and public schools aren't the horror chambers many people make them out to be. Many children grow up in this country (US) going to public schools and turn out just fine.

As far as getting your husband to get a clue, you need to tell him how badly you need this. When you leave the kids with him to go to the store, he needs to understand that what he's doing isn't babysitting them, he's watching his own children, you can't babysit your own kids!!! Also, I'd HIGHLY recommend hiring a sitter 1 night a week for a date with your husband, that's something you both need. Your marriage comes first, and you may have been putting the kids first. It's good that you give him his evenings free as well, the next time you leave the house in the evening, go to dinner with a girlfriend in addition to going to the store.

There are other people to watch the kids in your community, you just have to look for them. Find other parents of kids your kids ages (again, this is where SCHOOL helps), that's going to be your first line of help. Network, network, network. Being a stay at home mom is very rewarding, but it's hard, hard work. You have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your family!

Answer 3

As difficult as it is you need to have time. Day to day, you have time as a mother, however you need time away to be a lady. As you husband needs time to be a father and just one of guys. Are you being selfish, absolutely not, you need this to keep your sanity. You may want to start off slow, like going away for an hour or two, lets to say coffee with the girls, then perhaps a bit longer like enjoy a movie night out. Then work your way up to an evening, and even a weekend away. This way there is a gradual transition on the kids and your husband looking after them. This time away is not only good for your sanity but your for the sanctity of you and your husband as a couple. You both can be parents but you need to have time as consenting adults. However, it can only happen if you both are working in partnership. What your husband does not understand is that this is beneficial for you both in the long term. Perhaps this is not the male perspective that you have heard thus far.

Answer 4

He's their father. Next time he parks it in front of the T.V., just say, "gotta go out for a bit" and go. There's no reason you should have to ask him to take care of his children. Does he ask you to? Go out, get your nails done, have lunch, whatever. When you come home, if he complains about how the kids are acting, explain to him that that's what you put up with all the time and if he were you wouldn't he need to have an hour as well? If he really cares, he'll understand.

Answer 5

Make yourself an appointment for a facial and tell your husband when it is. Tell him how important it is for you, and that you know it will be hard for him, but to not tell you the bad stuff that happens. Have him DO SOMETHING with the kids like go to the zoo or the park so that they are occupied and not bored. I knew a set of moms that would trade kids on certain days so each could have a couple hours a week to themselves to do what they needed.

Answer 6

Honey don't wait for him to give you the time.... TAKE IT..... Either get up before him and get ready to go out. Wake him up and tell him the kids are his and you will be back later. Or after he gets home from work and after dinner just get dressed and go out and let him deal with the kids. You deserve a break just like he does. If he doesn't like it then maybe he needs to hire a babysitter. The kids belong to both of you and he needs to learn to take care of them also. Also if the baby is crying with dad then DAD needs to spend more time with them.

Answer 7

Your husband is obviously not trying at all to help you. You have to make him understand that he is the one wearing the pants in the house, therefore he must make the kids listen to him so he can stay longer with them without bringing the end of the world. Or you can make him hire a babysitter so you can both go and have fun at least one evening a week. It shouldn't be that expensive. Anyway, you have to make him understand that you're going crazy. He will believe you when you end up in a hospital...

Answer 8

Do i ever know what your saying! I have 3 kids and my husband works 3rd shift and sleeps all day.... I don't have anyone to watch them and the oldest is just starting kindergarden. If you want time for yourself MAKE time for yourself. Or have him watch all of them but the little one... a break away from most of the kids is nice too, only having one kid isnt' as hard. Good luck, and when you get a great anwser to this question... PLEASE GOD LET ME KNOW!! :)

Answer 9

You need to go to the store and not come back for a good while. For you and espeacially the childrens sake take a break and let loose. An overstressed mom is not a good mom. I'm sure your hubby that can't control his own kids will be fine and survive while you get your much needed time to let loose break. Do it soon. Please.
Later

Answer 10

It seems you won't be able to bet the time away, unless you just tell your husband " I am taking time for myself tomorrow. I need the time away from the kids. I am with the kids so much, I just need some time. The time is now to give me some time. "