Why do women (me pretty much) stay with a jerk , when they could do better?

Question

Married almost 6 years (got married when i was 18) and we have 3 kids and I just let him run all over me....I feel so freggin' stupid :( He's such a jerk.....yet I stay. How dumb is that?

Answer 1

That's not dumb, he's become your habit and I know that it sounds crazy, but think about it. You're afraid to let it go and you're afraid of change. Learn to care more about yourself then your habit.

Answer 2

I have felt the same way. I have been with my husband altogether for 11 years married for 6 years. I was 16 when we started dating. He is my first and last love.
Anyway
Its just that you are so used to him even though he hurts you the love is so strong. You are not the one that's dumb. What I did to change his butt. I stopped caring so much about the little stuff he did. ( well showing that I cared) Say for instance he would be out late. I wouldn't call him to see what was going on. I would leave even if it were to a girlfriends house and come home as late as possible. Or get dressed up with no where to go but he didn't know that. When he had the time I wouldn't.

They too get comfortable in situations and don't think about you not saying they don't care they just get comfortable. I would try talking with him or go to counselor

My situation however got better. Because he thought i was fooling around. Now his butt comes home at a decent hour if he goes out with friends which has been a while, because now its me and him that's hanging

Answer 3

I don't know. Can you afford a psychic? What are the statistics of you leaving him for a bigger jerk that abuses your children? My second wife left me for a much younger and hornier drunk jerk. She had told me she was moving out and there was nothing I could do about it. I said yes there is I'll help you move out.Then she married an older guy then divorced him now she's on her third marriage. I don't want to know about him either. At least I made it out of the jerk category into the A$$holes according to her. I like being alone I miss my kids but not the tears and screams. She wrote me a note: I'm unhappy and the kids are unhappy what are you going to do about it? Well, I lost the note.She also said; You don't make enough money and you never will. She also said; Go ahead and kill yourself I'll just collect the life Insurance. I like being alone. I miss my kids but not the tears and screams. I'm sorry you and your kids are suffering but is he also? Marriage and divorce is like a coin, heads or tails? the kids lose.(most of the time) By the way, I'm on disability, I don't make enough money and I never will. Here's another one for you; Children are never a mistake, it's the people you have them with. Children should be able to sue to keep their parents together........How dumb is that?

Answer 4

Not only dumb but sad because you probably don't realize your wasting your life if you really believed you would be better off by yourself or you could do better you wouldn't be there. It's just sad you have such a low self esteem chained to him you will never have a chance to be happy. Your also hurting your kids because he's probably not a good dad so they are learning to be ignored or treated bad or both. I think you probably convinced yourself they need there dad which is a lie if he is not good with them or your afraid of change So you don't leave because of fear. Been there done that i was paralized and my husband was a monster to me i just couldn't leave eventually when i was in the hospital and he brought his whore in my house to do his dirt i saw the light and kicked him out i am happily remarried today and my daughter has an unselfish dad she adores, but i wish i had left sooner. i took so much crap i didn't have to be stronger than me and don't wait for him to get so bad you have no choice. No pain no gain one day you will rember how hard leaving was but you won't regret it when you and your kids have a man that actually loves you all back! Godbless you i will pray for you today

Answer 5

Because WOMEN are the STRONGEST among the HUMAN SPECIES. The TOLERANCE CAPACITY of Women is far higher. And of course there could be other related factors, in your case, like your love for your children, maybe somewhere you see a ray of hope or some miracle probably which will change the situation to HAPPIER TIMES, BETTER BONDING WITHIN THE FAMILY. And after all the above views do you really feel its DUMB if you are continuing to stay on with the relationship? I dont think so. Just introspect deeper and maybe you can find the answer somewhere deep down within your heart and in some remote corner of your mind.

Answer 6

First off it isn't Dumb love is blinding... and so is self esteem and self comfert..
ask your self these questions
1. do you like to be alone... how long can you be alone for?
2. When was the last time you changed something major in your life? get a new pet? have a kid? move? got married?
3. how was your childhood? Did you enjoy all of it?
4. Do you have goals? What are they? What was the last thing you did to work towards that goal? what is stopping you from reaching your goals? Why do you let it stop you from getting your goal?
i ask you this so you can reflexed on your life... see what you have accoplished and to see what you still can. Also to see how independent you really are? the biggest one is are you afaid to be alone/ single. or to start a new leaf? i feel that these things are holding you back.
Sit down and do some soul searching... write down some personal goals for only you to achive... then worrie about the relationship... figure yourself out first! sadly getting married at a young age when your starting to figure your own self out you get pushed and pressured by your own self to be something else.. so you pair up with some one and fall in love! nothing wrong with it . it can block some view of your self so stick with it and figure you out first then asks this same qustion if you still are wher eyou are!
Good luck
Mad luv

Answer 7

Not dumb - you are just staying with what is familiar. If you want out of this relationship - you need to prepare ahead of time. Start bettering yourself by training for another job. If you got married at 18 it sounds like you didn't get the education you need. You will feel better about yourself and the ability to support yourself and your kids if you have a good job and are making a decent living. Once you have more self-confidence you will find there are a lot of men out there that will treat you with dignity. You just have to believe you deserve it. You are one of God's creatures and deserve to be loved and respected. You must believe that to make it happen!

Answer 8

Sweetheart you are not dumb...it is a very real situation that millions of wemon find themselves in everyday. It is sometimes just a head game for guys to get control and manipulate wemon. After a while a woman loses her self respect and just gives up and gives into it. If there is abuse...no doubt about it...GET OUT! (I stayed in an abusive Marriage for 21 years because I had 2 children and I didn't want to break up their home). I can only pray your situation isn't like mine was. If not then I suggest sitting down and really talking to him and get both your feelings out on the table. Get counsiling! Marriage with children is worth working on if there isn't abuse because it effects more then just your life. But YOU have to say enough is enough and stop letting him "walk over you"...but be ready for it and stand your ground. You have 2 choices Fight or Flight. Meaning stay and fight for your marriage or get out while you can. You will have to decide what you want out of staying or going. Good luck!

Answer 9

Getting married at 18 is very young. Alot of things will change in your lifetime and your marriage will definately be one of them
Communication is what helps hold a relationship together. Talk to him BUT first talk to yourself and make sure you know exactly what it is that bothers you. You cant tell him the problem if you dont know it yourself. BE clear and straight to the point. Confidence level can be seen through your eyes, so make sure you express to your husband that you not only feel bad when he treats you certain ways but also let him know that you love him with all your heart and dont want anything to happen to your marriage

Answer 10

I got marry at 16 and we've been together for 7 years and have three kids, and hes such a stupid biatch to me and he never spends any time with me, so i guess i'm stupid too. I don't know why i love him so much but i just do and i hate loving him, maybe it's because i'm really the only one there for him and he doesn't know it yet until its too late. Because he lets everyone walk all over him and i just wanna show him that i am the only one for him. and i'm the only one who understands him.

Answer 11

its the facts of life that come into play
1; you'll hope he will change
2; you love him
3; you have kids by him
4;he just acts like that sometimes
5;or he has some control over you that has lowered your self esteem down to the point were you don't want anyone else to have him and you really don't want him either.
but the life line can start with you;gain self esteem back you can find somebody else that will love you for being you, tell him how you feel and tell him if things don't change that you will have to end the relationship because ALL IT IS DOING IS PUTTING STRAIN ON YOU AND THE KIDS,be your own self and ask your self what really makes you happy and start from there.