My bf and I want to get married, my mom doesn't want us to what can i do to changer her mind?

Question

to make her see that we are really in love. i think its because shes had two failed marrages and dosnt want that for me and when i bring it up she always says that divorces are expensive and stuff like that. im going to do this either way but i want her to be a part of it. im her oldest daughter and it would break my heart if she was not involved in my big day, only honest answers please

Im 24 hes 23. I did finish school so I dont know what that means and if its because of my spelling Im sorry.
Weve been togeather for well over 6 and a half years .

I have dated other people to so I dont want anyother fish that are in the sea.

My mom likes him and has no problems with him. Hes a very respectful person.

Answer 1

she isn't dating him u are if u are in love don't hold back

Answer 2

It appears that you and your mother need a really serious discussion on her reasons for not wanting you to marry, or just not marry this boy. No question, your a adult and can choose your path, but I hope you seriously consider what the reasons are behind her not wanting this marriage for you.
As a parent, I would hope and pray she is not reaping upon you what she may have sowed in her life, that would be terrible for a parent to do to a child. However, if there is any possibility that there are ANY other reasons, you owe it to yourself, her and your remaining relationship to be certain before you make the decision to marry without her acceptance. It would be a sad day for all concerned should this marriage tear apart a family, only to find that one day in the future you will deeply regret what can never be changed.
In a perfect world by God's plan parents will leave before the children, and the very thought that a marriage may forever alienate you from your mother is a very serious matter.
You are going to marry either way, fine, but for the time consider getting some family counseling to try to find a way to eliminate the negativity and get to the real root of the problem if it is not just her, "baggage". If it is, then she may truly benefit from some counseling on her own.
On the flip side, you may be in love, together a long time, but maybe, just maybe your mom may know something that you do not, or that she may see him in an entirely different light and she is only trying t protect you.
In either case, think about the consequences of marrying without your family blessing. Think real hard.
I hope the decision you make is the one your prepared to live with as I know this will be difficult for you.

God Bless, and good luck

Answer 3

Maybe you can't change her mind and only time and your continued commitment to your marriage will change her mind. This does not necessarily mean that she will not participate in your wedding. Make sure you let her know just how important it is for you to have her beside you. At the same time tell her that you respect her opinion, but nevertheless your decision to marry is unshaken. Give her an opportunity to vent her concerns, does she think you are too young? not suited to each other? Listen to what she has to say with an open mind. Afterwards, recognize whatever concern she has that you can validate (they are bound to be at least a couple), and tell her that you know how hard it is to make a marriage work nowadays and enlist her help in making your marriage a success. While she might still have her reservations at least she will not row against the current.

By the way, our families were also against our marriage. My parents have five marriages and four divorces between them, but this week me and my husband celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. It is not easy but it can be done.

Answer 4

well why would she mind in the first place..does she think your too young? not mature enough to get married? there has to be a reason for her not wanting this to happen...have you talked to her about it? its probably hard for her to see her oldest daughter get married my mom was like that with my sister....it was really hard for her to let go she missed out in putting the wedding together cause of the way she felt...all you can really do is sit down and talk to her....if she doesn't want to have any part in it so be it......atleast you know you tried...she is going to be the one who will regret it in the end...it will be hard for you to plan this wedding with out her but are you going to put this off because she doesn't want it no..so try to make the best of it..cause if you go into a marriage unhappy because of one person thats not right..good luck and hope everything works out

Answer 5

Well there's not much you can do. if you're her first daughter there is no way that she will not want to be apart of your big day despite her fears. she knows she's going to miss a very important day and she would never want to do that, there would be to many regrets. you need to point that out to her, have a heart to heart with her to make her understand what she'll miss and how much you really want her there and how in love you are and how you know that he is the one, and even if he doesn't she has to understand that you have to make your own mistakes. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 6

I think the best thing you can do to help her see things your way is to SHOW her you have a LIFE plan and are taking the necessary steps to create the marriage you want for yourselves. Please note that I said MARRIAGE and not WEDDING. A wedding lasts a day, a MARRIAGE lasts a LIFETIME.
You didn't mention how old you are and I am hoping that you are at least in your mid twenties. There are alot of reasons to wait until that time. First, you hopefully will have completed some higher education (college or trade school) that will prepare you for a the next few decades that you will be in the work force. It's not just about "school". Being in a learning environment also exposes you to alot of new and different people, ideas, cultures and experiences that help you really figure out who you are, what you like and who you want to become.

Life is kinda like an icecream store with all those different toppings. Until you get a chance to try those different toppings, you'll never know how great a chocolate with graham cracker and marshmellow topping with whipped cream is going to taste. College gives you the opportunity to " taste test" lots of different experiences, friends, cultures, as well as classes to see what it is that will make you the happiest and get you the farthest is your life plan.

Also by your mid-twenties you and your bf most likely will have finished up alot of the reckless partying and/or spending some people are known for. Unfortunately we can't all party and spend like Paris and Tommy Lee. The rest of us have real lives that include real jobs and spouses/families that rely on us. It's also nice to know that your new hubby isn't going to be hanging out all nite with his still single friends at the bar...

Show your mom that you know how to work as a team with your bf. Make her dinner together as you all talk together calmly as adults about the future. Explain your life plan. Go over important details with her so that she can become comfortable with how you earn your living, where you will live, when you will have children and how you will make sure there will be no surprise bundles of joy before you are ready.

Talk you your minister/rabbi or ? about pre-marriage counseling. This is incredably helpful to get both you and your bf on the same page about your future life plan and help you talk through any issues you haven't thought of on your own. Issues like: Priorities. Do we buy a house or rent? Separate accounts or joint? Who will be in charge of the checkbook? When and how many kids. Circumcised or not? Breast or bottle? Saturday diaper duty? Who will be at your home to raise the kids. Will you be able to stay home or will you have a nanny? What if his mother volunteers? What if YOUR mother volunteers? What if they don't volunteer and want to be paid? Where will you spend holidays? His family or yours? Christmas eve or Christmas Day. How will you spend your income tax refund? A Vacation, Pay bills or a Flat screen TV? Who will do what chores around the house. Unfortunately, we as women for some STUPID reason tend to take on ALL the inside chores like our mothers did whether we realize it or not. You know, "Oh don't worry honey, I'll fix dinner tonight. You worked so hard today" Then you end up stopping by the market on your way home from work, making the dinner AND cleaning up after he falls asleep after eating a wonderful meal that you lovingly prepared. Then all he does is wait for Saturday when you to ask him 20 times to mow the jungle you have growing out front. DON'T BECOME THIS WOMAN! SHE IS YOUR MOTHER! Oh, no. She's mine.

Also, both of you must remember that instead of talking about any relationship issues with anyone else, talk to each other first. We all have our circle of girlfriends to help us out when we just can't figure out our man but START with talking to HIM. The man that can talk to our heart and our mind is the man we want to be married to anyway.

All I'm saying is that before you plan anything wedding related, plan the marriage first. Absolutely things will come up that are not on the plan. That is life. But if you and your beloved have a strong marriage foundation, a plan, you can work together to build the LONG future you both want.

Answer 7

She is just showing concern for you. Perhaps, your bf needs to show her that he trully loves you and that you were meant to be together. Actions speaks louder than words. If you love him, support him. Mothers will always be mothers. Of couse you would want her to be part of the celebration so get her involved from the start, throw your bf and her together. Soon, she will realise that he is as involved in it as you are. NOTE: A guy who leaves the planning of the wedding to a girl is not sincere....

Answer 8

It could be true that your mother is judging your relationship to her past marriages. Some people don't ever get over things like that and are quick to damper anyone elses' thing rather harm is intended or not, the pain is just all they know...I would try talking to her and ask to her to honestly tell you why she disapproves so much and tell her your feelings as well.

Also remember that sometimes mothers can sense and see things that we ourselves can't see, because we are blinded by love.

Talk to her woman to woman.

Answer 9

if yuor under 21 you should listen to your mom because within a year your going to be bored shiteless of married life while your friends are out there living there life if your 26 up tell your mum to go jump if your in the middle what the hell you only live once

Answer 10

Girl your spelling is terrible just like you said, but you are 24 and have the right to do what you want when you want to do it, do you and he have jobs and working, or are you sponging off mama , If you think you both can be independent , then just do it, but don't if you have to depend on mama or anybody else !!!!

Answer 11

hahahaa sounds like his mom thinks she is going to hell for what her grown guy son does...classic right this is whats happening, she's worrying approximately what her church friends thinks of her, that each and one and all there is to it, unhappy yet real, its magnificent how church human beings gets a guy or woman to do distinctive issues to slot in or look like a competent guy or woman she grow to be all cool to you until eventually you moved in along with her son, now which you're in a house with him at the same time and absolutely everyone sees you she is freaking out and doing all she will to "restoration" it and make it "ok" its humorous how non secular mothers spend no time or capability counseling their teenagers approximately issues as long as its on the DL, however the minute their teenagers "shack up" with somebody and lead them to "look undesirable" ooooooo they spend plenty and many time and capability or maybe money to "restoration" the placement, dang this one even offered a hoop its his mom, so its his activity to circulate as much as her and say look, you knew how we've self assurance before, you need to no longer replace it then and you will't replace it now, we're not attempting to harm you, we only go with you to provide up pressuring us to take that step as quickly as we're not waiting for it she has to settle for that she will't tell yall the thank you to stay, in basic terms one guy or woman has that activity and that's God, she might love her son and he or she could be a mom yet she's no longer God