My 14 year old is out of line?

Question

My 14 year old daughter is always mouthing off to me. I try grounding her, and taking away things, and lecturing her, and even letting somethings go. I've tried to be the best friend and the worst enemy and NOTHING worked! Any effective suggestions? -Katie-

Answer 1

hit her were it wi\ould really hurt take her privilages away

Answer 2

Unfortunately, your daughter is at one of those ages where you just have to expect her to be obstinate. Give her freedom, within limits. Let her know that you trust her -- and that the moment you can't trust her, her life, as she knows it, will be over!

I always tell people that my daughter disappeared for about three years and some other strange, rude girl came to live at my house. Then, one day, when she was 17, she woke up and was back to being her old sweet self again.

Show some interest in your daughter and her friends. If you trust in her choices for making friends, you will be less likely to worry about every little thing. If she has a boyfriend, get to know him, so that he will enjoy being around you and your family. If she spends too much time alone with her boyfriend, explain why you are concerned about that choice. You can still be her mother and her friend at the same time.

Try to let the small things go -- part of being a teenager is breaking away from your parents. I remember thinking that I was sooooo embarrassed when my mother would talk to the boys I knew at school. She was so uncool! When my daughter was that same age, I couldn't believe that she thought I was equally as uncool -- because I thought I was way cooler than my mom had been! It's all in the perspective, I guess....

God bless you. I know this is a hard time for you. Keep the faith -- hopefully, things will get better.

Answer 3

It's just a phase. Do you remember being 14 and thinking your mom was an idiot? I did. Just don't say anything you will regret later and always let her know you love her. See if she will do somethin fun with you and let her pick out what to do. I know this falls under the "best friend" thing but it's kind of hard to tell you when I don't know the whole story. If you've already tried that, just stick to your guns and if you tell her no phone then no phone! Eventually things will get better. One of my daughters was like that. We had squabbles like crazy but we are very close now. Just remember if it's something that won't matter 10 years from now then let it go. If it will matter then do what you can and if you need help take her to see about getting some help.
Good Luck! - Beth-

Answer 4

Model the behaviour you want her to display to you and stay the course. Do what you say you will do and be consistent in showing her love. If you think about it long term, one day she will be an adult and she will look back on the way she treated you -and the way you treated her. she will do this objectively. "How would you want her to finish the folowing sentence: "When i was fourteen I was absolutely awful. Always mouthing off and being a jerk. My mom was..."? I think thinking about it long term is the best thing. Keep using a firm hand, not expecting to get ANY love back in return. She WILL thank you for it. You are doign a great job. If you weren't a loving parent you wouldn't be looking for help. Keep doing that. Teenagers are hard. I know. I am a Junior High Teacher! Best of luck and Keep at her! :-)

Answer 5

i can't say i know what your going through cause i dont my kids dont act that way..but i know a lot has to do with how they were raised when they were younger....did you let your daughter get away with a lot? i know its hard to tell a little girl now when she wants something or hit her when she is acting bad..but you should of thought how that little girl would act once she started growing up....from the time my kids were born i made rules i know that when they are new borns you can't do much but the point is not a day in their life did i ever let them get away with anything..with my kids im their friend and their enemy they know that...too often parents try to hard to be a friend and when the enemy comes out its too late.the kid doesn't want to listen.....
dont think that your a bad parent or that your daughter is the worst daughter int he world...besides the way they were raised sometimes teenagers go through stages like this....its hard but its life....my sisters boys act just like your daughter...you know where they are right now boot camp...im not saying send her to boot camp but maybe you can get her into something like that for girls...(FYI- girls attend boot camp as well LoL) but im sure things will get better..just stay strong and let her know your the parent...dont be hard on her this week and let things go next week...try not to lecture her do it in a manner that is more like having a converstaion..i hope everything works out for you..take care...

Answer 6

Honestly, I was a brat at that age. She will grow out of it eventually. Just hang in there!

What was effective when I was a teenager, was when my mom took away the things most valued to me -time with friends, Internet and phone privileges, the things I thought I could not live without.
My mom made it very clear to me that if I mouthed off to her, she was going to make life very miserable for me. I think I did it once or twice, and wound up nursing a sore cheek from the slap she gave me! I lost my stereo, TV privileges, the right to use the phone, and I could not see my friends at all. It became crystal clear to me that if I wanted any kind of social life, I had to be nice to my mom.
Hope this helps!

Answer 7

When my 2 sisters and I were really acting up once, our mum just told us that fine, we can look after ourselves until we came into line. That sounded great to us at first, but we didn't realize that included arranging all our own meals, transport, health care and EVERYTHING! With in a week, when we had missed days of school, didn't have enough to eat and were needing money for various things, we apologized.

I for one had realized that until you are an adult you can't deal with all of the adult things yourself, so you have to sit back and let the adults run the show and you just fit in.

Don't know if this will work for your daughter but it's worth a try.

Answer 8

Nothing worked because you are not consistent with one thing. You switch it and she doesn't get tired of it.

Have you listened to WHY and WHAT she has been saying? Look past the bad words and actually listen to what she is saying. Is she angry? About what? When did this start? Did it start when something happened ex: divorce, you dating, starting school, new school, bad friends, is she on drugs, is she depressed or being bullied?

lecturing her is nagging. No one likes being nag to. Best friending her is not parenting. She needs to know you are the parent and while under your roof, she goes by reasonable rules for her age.

Have you considered to see if she wants to see counseling if she rather talk about it with someone else, preferably her age who helps counsel other youth's?

Answer 9

you cant be your childs friend, thats why she acts the way she does, you have to show that your the adult and shes the child, personally, i think you should take it back to the old days and beat her ***, beat the shyt out of her, show her shes not a woman, if shes doing it at 14 and you cant control her now your going to have alot of trouble with her later! that grounding stuff doesnt work anymore hunny, these kids need some serious disclipline! play a little game with her called "tear that *** up" get a brown paper bag, put about 20 belts in it, when she acts up tell her your going to play a game, tell her the name of the game, let her see you reach in the bag, grab a belt and tear her little disrespectful *** up, do it everytime she acts up, i bet you see some progress, and as for the mouthing off, everytime she mouths off, walk past her and slap her as hard as you can in her damn mouth and keep walking or doing whatever your doing as if nothing ever happened, i bet she stop mouthing off to you! give her to me for a day, bet she come back to you as clean as an angel!

Answer 10

That is really a bad bad age. You just have to be there for here, let her know you want her to do things, but set a limit. Have a curfew school nights and maybe let her stay out little later on week ends. It is a bad age they want more freedom etc. You have to bend or they can break. I hope you can work together. Good luck Pem

Answer 11

Well you've stated you've tried grounding, taking things away....which is usually the most effective in teenagers.....if you feel you have tried everything and are at the end of your rope, I suggest considering getting professional help with your daughter's behavior.