How do you feel about a cheating ex-boyfriend that you can't forgive?

Question

I have moved on...I am married and have a little girl but I can't forget what my ex did to me...he cheated with my best friend...I dont even like him anymore but I just cant forgive and forget...Help!

Answer 1

Dont dwell in the past, it only takes away from your happiness of the future.. I know this first hand.. your x bf was immature plain and simple, u didnt do anything wrong he was just one of those little boys trapped in a mans body that only think with the head in their pants rather then the head on their shoulders, i know the pain but be greatful he wasnt ur husband and the father of your kids, u want to talk about soul shattering.. understandably u have scars from what he did, and unfortunately theres no magic cure to make it go away, something only time can solve.. but u need to find away of leaving the past in the past, so u and ur now family can be happy.. he was an idiot plain and simple, be greatful that he cheated on u.. because just think u could of been fooled by the insensitive butt head and ended up marrying him just to have him cheat on u time and time again.. u should be thanking him because he did u a favor, u met ur husband fell in love and have a beautiful little girl.. so be thankful that he was a dip s**t.. :)

Answer 2

then YOU HAVEN'T MOVED ON COMPLETELY..., you should be able to forgive and may be not forget completely but at least the reminder of the cheating shouldn't affect you at all. You say you have a husband that I am sure you love and a daugther that keeps you busy all day, take advantage of that...don't keep the resentment and those bad feelings that are not letting you live in peace. What you need is a good talk with a counselor, he will be able to help you put all those feelings behind you, and then you can start to be happy with the family you have. Think " God doesn't close one door without opening another one" Your ex wasn't good for you, he didn't deserve you. See...now you have a husband that loves you (I am sure) and probably deserves to have a wife that is happy as a person! Good luck!

Answer 3

I think it's safe to say, you haven't quite fully moved on. You sort of went through the motions, but failed to go through all the EMOTIONS of what happened. I don't know how it ended, but when it did, you didn't get the closure you needed. That could mean coming to terms with why it happened, getting revenge, or the simple fact that he never made it right with you by apologizing. You have two choices here. Either you can wake up tomorrow and say to yourself "I'm going to close the door on all this drama because I'm happy in my life, and without that ending, I wouldn't be where I am today" OR you can relive the nightmare day in and day out to the point of where it consumes your every thought because you want answers that you are never going to get. It's a tough situation any way you look at it, infidelity hurts when you are on the receiving end. But at some point in time you simply have to ask yourself if this is how you want to define your life...by an affair? I didn't think so. Close the door on that, kiss your husband and hug your daughter...you are in a much better place than you would have been in had you not caught the cheater.

Answer 4

It is a hard thing to forget someone after abuse by an x. The longer you stay away from him, sooner or later the memory will
soon go away. It takes time. Sharing this with your spouse may cause some problems, so seek help to eliminate some mental issues. Involve yourself much with your spouse and child cause
this also will help a lots. Just think this way "I'MFREE" let go and
let God handle your unforgiveness.

Answer 5

I'm a Christian. The first paragraph is a Christian response; the following paragraphs will be suitable for everyone. Philippians 2:13 helped me forgive someone: "For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work according to His good pleasure." I knew it was His good pleasure for me to forgive this jerk, but I didn't even want to. I hated him so much I wanted to continue hating him. But I knew that was interfering with my relationship with God, so I prayed about it. He showed me this verse. Then I claimed it as a promise, that He would work in me to make me want to forgive him. He did. Then I asked Him to help me forgive him. He did. I then had such a freedom from the whole destructive relationship, it was well worth giving up the right to be a victim.

If the Christian stuff doesn't work for you, read on anyway: I realized that, when someone wrongs me, I somehow get pleasure out of being a victim. It's hard to really describe it, but it was hard to even want to forgive that guy. I had to let go of the dream of him somehow realizing how he'd hurt me and making him sorry. I had to quit measuring the hurt. I had to quit fantisizing about how I might have handled it differently--with me elegantly "winning" this time.

But that was keeping me tied to my past like a ball and chain.

Look at it this way: An old boyfriend has invaded your marriage and family. He is stealing some of your pleasure. He is cheating you of a degree of quality in your family life. So he hurt you once, and now he's continuing to hurt you. . .and your husband and little girl. You are the only one who can evict him, but it will cost you dearly to do it. You will have to give up the right to make a pointed comment at a reunion. You have to give up your right to get sympathy for your hurt. You have to absorb the cost of his infidelity. I think that's missing in most discussions of forgiveness--it's not just academic; it costs you something, as you must absorb the wrong and no longer seek an opportunity to pass it back to the evildoer (not necessarily revenge).

When I've been hurt, I want the other person to be sorry. When they're not, it's hard to forgive. I want to hang onto it in case I ever get the chance in the future to make them sorry (not revenge--maybe just a conversation). It's hard to give that up, but if I don't, that grudge is a burden.

Give it up. You will feel such freedom afterwards. You will marvel that you ever let that jerk cloud up so much of your life. It will feel like you've gotten over the flu, the sun has come out after a long rainy spell, and you've lost 20 pounds. Really! Forgiving someone is so worth the cost.

The person I referred to in the first paragraph--if I met him today, I could be cordial to him with no desire to bring up the old stuff, no desire to let him know how he hurt me (he is dysfunctional and doesn't comprehend what he did). The freedom is incredible.

It gets easier, the more often you forgive. But the first big one is really hard.

My brother-in-law has a saying: Living better is the best revenge. You have a happy life and a wonderful family. Be happy.

Answer 6

If you're married and moved on, put the jerk out of your head and move one completely. Why are you holding onto something painful? Replace it with something helpful to you and your family. Forget the best friend and the ex....just go out and make new ones. You certainly are anot hurting them!

Answer 7

Well once a cheat always a cheat ! Ask God to help you forgive him and actually move on with your life.

Answer 8

and you shouldn't have to my best friend didn't even cheat with my ex i was with someone else already but she tried to hide it from me which i feel is one in the same and have not spoken to her for 2 years and probally will never again. when a trust is betrayed you shouldn't be expected to forget it

Answer 9

You still love him in some way if you are still thinking about what he did to you if not than you would have forgot abut him a long time ago

Answer 10

well she wasn't your best Friend if she did that,and I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to wish on them to experience the same that they gave you , i would.