Gay men, do you find it acceptable that some (closet) gay men date women?

Question

or at least try to give the impression that they are dating women in order to hide their true sexuality?

Women in such situation do get hurt because they do not understand why the men act as passionless as they do, and it hurts their self esteem.

however, i wanted to ask your opinion because i know being gay may be as difficult as it is with all the hatred and prejudice in the world. but from a gay guy's perspective, is it understandable for them to be leading some women on to hide their sexuality?

Answer 1

Sorry honey it's not fair to you or the woman to pretend anything.... Just love yourself and become as honest in your life as possible.... that doesn't mean yhou have to flaunt, but I think happiness comes from being rooted in honesty ... dating a woman doesn't not appear to be in your best interest.
Good luck to you -

Answer 2

I think it is terrible for a man to use a woman like that in this day in age. If a man is bi and he wants to get married but tells his wife he will need a man once in a while - think that is fine as long as she knows. But men who waiste decades of a womans life to hide their own fears need to grow up. What I really don't like is if a guy were to give his wife an std from such an encounter.

Furthermore, I frown on Gays that knowingly sleep with married men. Adultery is adultery and it is bad.

If it were 100 years ago I might be able to have more sympathy for the man who marrys for social purposes. After all, divorce was not as common and the wife would be supported all her life.

But times have changed and people need honesty!

Answer 3

Yes this is an experience that most of us gays go through, so you're not alone. I think the word "annoying" in your question is understated. Parents' attitudes can be devastating, leading to drastic measures including suicide. #1 - I guess parents can be very disappointed in a gay son for various reasons: No grandchildren to carry on the family name. What to tell the neighbours. A lack of understanding. Fear of AIDS etc. etc. #2 - same as above I guess. #3 - Yes I think you're right. Moving away creates a space for you to live life as you want, and if your parents see that you are living life responsibly, even though you are gay, then they will most likely come round eventually. Good luck,

Answer 4

That's a tough one. I mean coming out is a process which is jingly personal, in terms of timing and scope. USING a woman to hide behind is not kind to her. But I think that a gay man can have female friends, and he need not come out to a friend immediately. On the other hand if he is falsely giving her the impression that their relationship is going to go somewhere romantically, I think he is being unfair to her.
On the other hand, if she is comfortable dating a man who never makes a sexual move, over a period of time, she has a problem too. Judge not.

Answer 5

Whoa, back off there...I am gay, and I have "dates" with my dance partner every Saturday night. I suppose there are those who think I am trying to hide something, but believe me, I hide nothing..I am a very good dancer and love to dance. There are many reasons gay men go out with women..don't be so sure the women don't know the score...not every "date" has to end up in a bedroom somewhere, does it? Whatever happened to fun, enjoying other people for non-sexual reasons. Don't jumpt to hasty conclusions, it never pays. Good luck

Answer 6

I don't think that's morally acceptable if someone KNOWS they're gay. Most cases that I've heard of, people aren't really sure yet. They're trying to convince themselves they can be straight etc. If you know full well you're gay, I think it's more than fair to tell the girl. Hell, find a closeted lesbian and beard for each other. But otherwise, YES, it is hurtful, and it is manipulative and dishonest.

Answer 7

I don't think it's acceptable for a man to do that, but it's done all of the time. Sometimes the men are gay; sometimes they are bisexual but have no intention of having the relationship go any further. Men (of all orientations) are far more fearful of appearing to be gay than women.

Answer 8

I know why men do it...I still find it unforgiveable to hurt people the way these women get hurt..but you must understand that many of these men feel as if they are fighting for their lives ( and in a way they are---they don't want to lose friends, their jobs,etc)

Answer 9

I could care less what anyone else does in their life. What another person decides to do with their life has no effect on mine. Why would we care? All they are doing is choosing the easy path as far as being socially accepted goes but they have to be very unhappy one would think.

Answer 10

Acceptable no, understandable? Well look at the answers on this board. Be gay and get beaten or killed or pretend to be straight and hurt someone's feelings? Hmmmm... you choose. It is your life, you have to live with your choices.