What to do with a 13 year old daughter?

Question

My daughter has moved back in with me a few months ago, and she's giving me so many problems! We were apart for three years, she lived with her dad in califorina. She wanted to move in with him because i started seeing someone she didn't approve of. Her dad now lives with his girlfriend, and she started giving them promblems so he sent her back to me. She hates georgia and she misses her friends and family. She fights and yells all the time! She has five brothers that she can not get along with, and she has my five year old running away from her. She talks back and has no respect for no one! She even called me a ***** and when i try to hit her she fights back and rasies her hand at me. I have tried everthing to get along with her but nothings works! I have already lost three years of her life, so the thought of sending her off somewhere bothers me. How can i reach her and what can i do???

Answer 1

Sounds like she's crying out for attention, and the only kind she can get is negative attention. She's obviously very unhappy, and has not dealt well with the fact that her parents aren't together anymore.... that they're with other people and have other kids. She sounds very very angry and is acting out because that is the only way she can express herself.

Even though it's very frustrating for you, violence is not the answer! It will just make things worse.

You guys need professional help and FAST. I would call her Dr. first thing tomorrow and request the names of good psychologists. Good luck. I hope for her sake that you can work it out. Her heart is broken... so sad for someone so young.

Answer 2

First of all councilors won't work. The problem is on both sides, however only you will listen to the councilor. She won't pay any attention, if anything this will make the matter worse.

Patience is good and all, however again it doesn't solve the problem.

See in order to get things back to how they should be you need to have a talk with her and put yourself in her shoes. Don't give her money or anything unless she has this conversation with you.

See her side is that niether one of her parents want her. This is probably not true, but believe me she thinks it. Think about it 3 years ago you sent her to her dads, now he sent her back to you. It doesn't matter who you are this will cause problems from the start.

It was probably also a messy divorse too. She might even blame herself, this is why a "new parent" figure is not appealing to her. She is 13 years old, she can handle the truth now. No you do not bad mouth the other parent instead you explain the cause of the break up. Father cheated, I cheated, always fighting, no communication, ect. ect.

If you don't fix this problem soon, she will not have a happy life. She won't expect love from the person she marries, she will have extreme low self esteem (if she doesn't already), along with other problems that goes along with these problems (drugs, sex, ect.)

I hope this helped

Answer 3

Well,i don't blame your daughter because of all the problems SHE is facing for the reason of being a child of divorced parents.But that was just the starter.She started acting the way she does because of your divorce ,and then you got involved with another person while she was not fully OK with the idea of having divorced parents.That was when you should of have tried to resolve this situation by taking control and talking to her instead of sending her to her father like she wanted to.At that time she was crying out to be heard ,just because she didn't say she wanted to talk doesn't mean she didn't want to talk about it.I think you said you missed 3 years of her life so that means she was ten at the time she moved to her fathers house,right?if that is the case ,then your daughter ,at that time ,did not even have the resources to analyze the situation going on around her,she wasn't even mature enough to get it.That is when you should have stepped in an talked to her and hear her to come to some kind of closure and regain your control as a parent.


But you can't go back and change that fact ,so from now on try to listent to her and talk to her instead of sending her away between your ex-husband and yourself.It is time for you to understand your daughter and for her to understand you ,and what had happend in both of your lives.If that doesn't work, take the whole family ,including your ex-husband,to a good counslor so she could see and hear a new perspective about the situation in your famil from another person who is not apart of your family .

Answer 4

Your daughter is trying to get attention. I realize you have several other children. If you could try to set some time away for just the two of you. Be patient with her. Tell her and your other children how much you love them. If you cannot set time away for just the two of you, you should try to have family night, or day, You should never hit her when she is throwing one of her tantrums, When she calls you names send her to a different room in the house,make her stay there until the both of you calm down. Then you can try to talk and sort things out. When you do punish her make it a reasonable punishment, one you can stick to, And by all means stick to it, no matter how hard it is, Remember you are the parent. Does this not seem like a pattern to you and her dad? First your boyfriend, then her dads girlfriend.

Answer 5

Hitting children was something from the dark ages, people aren't
supposed to do that anymore, she sounds like she has had a rough life, the only way you are going to reach her is by sitting down with her and trying to talk about her problems and offer some understanding of what she is going through.
Thirteen is a difficult age, and I know it must be hard for you as well as the rest of the family.
Children need to be loved and protected, I hope you all find peace and happiness, because there is so little of it to go around these days.

Answer 6

As a minister I have counseled many dysfunctional family's. From your question and statements my Dear it is very apparent you are the cause of much of the problems in her life.
1. you proved to her you did not care about her at the age of ten you chose a boyfriend over her. { I would probably dislike you very much also.}
2. You took her back when daddy could not handle her. {big whoopee}
3. both of you need serious counseling. It is possible she will learn not to hate you .It is also possible you might grow up and become a real Mother to her. This will not only benefit her but your whole family as well.
4. If you are not willing to go the extra mile for your child she will grow more bitter and become another lost child tossed out as human waste.
darksphyx made some sense except I disagree with one point at first you need family counseling , then you need to include her.After you have worked out all your problems. This way it will prove that you are serious about saving your relation with her.

Answer 7

Take her to the nearest boot camp and leave her for about six weeks. When she comes out she will be a change person. This may sound mean, but I had a friend that went through the same thing. After 1 1/2 weeks she was begging her Mother to come get her. It was hard, but she left her there the full six weeks. Now she loves and obeys her Mother the way she should and they have a great relationship.

Answer 8

Personally I wish we could lock ALL our teenagers up in cages until they reach 25, and only let them out if they can pass a series of written and oral exams (both intellectual and psychological) but seriously that's not going to happen SO, here's what you do, show her love, smother her with it, make her realize that no matter what she does you will love her. The more she pushes you away the more you suck her in, take her out for a girl's night out of pizza and a movie (and maybe ice cream after). Other than that, go to a family therapist and get her involved too. She has obviously been through a LOT, and probably feels rejected, and you have to remember being that age too, remember your FRIENDS were your LIFE and you would DIE without them, and she's just been ripped away from hers (and to her she has been "rejected" by her father). There's a lot of hurt there. And a lot of it is normal teenage rebellion. Hang in there and let her know you love her if nothing else. If you are so worried about her then I know you love her a LOT and she will probably turn out fine (it's just GETTING to that point that will stress you out beyond belief!!! I remember giving my parents SUCH grief, and I turned out pretty okay)! Don't despare or she will too hang in there and fight for her, and love her love her love her!!!

Answer 9

Tell her that if she doesn't choose to abide by the rules in your house and straighten her act up that you will contact someone who will take her in. Let her know that you love her but will not tolerate her disruption of the whole household. Before you do say this make sure of where she can go for help if she calls your bluff.

She has a tremendous amount of anger that needs to be addressed. It sounds as though she is angry with both you and your ex for your divorce. And since she is dealing with it in such a negative way family counseling may be in order.

Answer 10

If you have no where to send this brat, start calling the police and having her arrested; a rap sheet and a trip through the system will either scare her straight or start a paper trail for when she needs to be locked up. Once she's 18, she's out of your house and no longer your problem.

When she comes back at age 29 and asks you to forgive her, hug her and take her back.